There's not much point to this thread, I'm just very blue, feeling very alone, unmotivated and need some words of encouragement I think.
I'm in my third year of uni, worked 2 years before going and took a year out last year due to struggling with mental health after a series of serious life events (dm, db and dgdad all ill. Got bullied by other flatmate and felt I couldn't be there which I hate admitting I let someone do that to me, serious issues with df and his other family, incomplete miscarriage resulting in theatre, the list goes on). So I'm older than everyone else which is fine but I don't socialise with my year at all, they're all in student houses living off turkey dinos like I did first year but I live out the way with dp living more of a married life and I can't really make myself fit back in. Tbh I don't want to, still feel shunned though.
Anyway I took a year out to get my head into gear and go back with a fresh outlook, I lasted maybe a month and kept up communication with directors lecturers etc but I've just flatlined. I'm so disappointed in myself for letting it deteriorate and now essays are late so my grade will be effected. I'm halfway through and logically I know I'm so close and I 'just have to do it' but I literally feel like I can't.
Sometimes in the morning I'm dissapointed I woke up at all then just wait for the day to be over so I can sleep again. I've been neglecting showers, eating properly and been a total sap on energy for dp. I'm so miserable and am taking everything to heart, the slightest comment about the most trivial thing is really affecting me and its so unfair on dp who is really trying his best and always supports me. I had a crappy weekend with family and came away feeling drained and was an arsehole to him yesterday for a fly away comment that knocked me into a pit of self pity. He's there always but I feel so alone in my own head.
I have exams in January, assignments and a dissertation that I haven't started. I feel there is no end and I'll always be miserable. How do I just do it? How can I get out of this awful mess?
Sorry this is such a ramble I just feel hopeless and need a shove in the right direction. Thanks for staying if you got this far