Help me solve my moving dilemma

[FairportConvention]

Hi all, Dh and I are thinking of moving house but we’re just going round and round on options.
We currently have a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom home. Local primary school is great but the options for year 7 and 8 are not so great. We have a wonderful friendship group locally and thought enough people were sending their kids to the local intermediate (as schools for Y 7 and 8 are called here) that we would feel ok about dd1 attending. Sadly everyone has enrolled at out of zone schools and it is too late for us to do that now. Dd1 now has no friends going to her school next year.Added to this the latest government report on the school has just come out and less than half the students are achieving at the expected standards 😔 Dd2 has another 3 years of primary school left. She has a couple of good friends but not a massive friendship group. Both dds are bright and doing well academically. Good support networks here, and when high school comes kids can go to town on the train.
Intermediate school is our first driver for moving. Second driver is our house is getting small for the 4 of us and we would like more space. These are our options as we see them.
Option 1: move 40 mins north to beach community with excellent schools for all ages. Five minutes from DHs work, he could do kids morning and afternoon. I would have a longer commute but can work on the train. DH is a sales manager and living where he works would be great for his job. New infrastructure for this community will shorten transport times and increase property values, by 2020. Downside, away from friends and support network.
Option 2: Buy 15 minutes away in a different suburb with excellent schools. Closer to friends but won’t have access to after school help from them or the benefit of dh nearby. Kids will go to high school in the main town by train when the time comes.
Option 3: build on to our house to get more room. Would have to move out for three months for the work to take place, and would take 18 months for plans, consents and build. May not be able to find local rental as they are v scarce. Put up with crap school, get dad additional tutoring if her academic achievement drops. Stay near friends and support network.
Option 1 is tempting but I am scared dds will be miserable if we move them. Any advice appreciated!

Firstly unless you are wanting a particularly unusual type of extension or your house isn't structurally sound (in which case you have bigger problems) there is no reason why you'd have to move out and certainly not for a whole 3 months.
Having said that option 1 must be appealing if the schools are genuinely better (do not rely on an ofsted report) and the start of secondary would be a good time to move area if you were to do so.

Thanks User, the extension would be adding an upper storey. Builder we consulted said moving out would be best, but not totally necessary. Kitchen, water, electrics and bedrooms would all still be functioning. We are relying on a mix of local knowledge and the govt reports to make our judgement re schools...I do know parents who have found the local intermediate to be fine... just feel bad not doing better by dd1.

I would go for option one while the DDs are still young. Moving later would disrupt them more.

Thanks PomBear, I do feel like we are at a good point in time to move them, as dd1 is having to move schools anyway. I am confident they would settle in with new friends, but we have lived here for 11 years (longest I have lived anywhere) so the thought of leaving is daunting.

We had to move three years ago cos DH got made redundant and we lost the house.
We coped, and it was even a weight off our minds so to speak once we got used to the idea.
You can go to the beach, have good schools, and they will make friends. Just bite the bullet and go for it, start looking for a "dream home" by the sea!

this is what I need to hear

Also sorry to hear your DH was made redundant Pom, hope all is well now.

Option 1. As well as having the most positives for you as a family, Dd1’s current friends are not going to the same intermediate school as her anyway so there is a good chance those friendships will start to drift away slightly anyway. 40 mins isn’t far enough that you/dd’s can’t still meet up with old friends on a regular basis. You can build up a new local support network, possibly with dd’s new friends’ parents and/or from joining local groups, although I appreciate it takes time and is a daunting thought but it also doesn’t sound from option 1 that you are reliant on that support network for help with childcare etc so have time on your side. I think yr7 is where children start to make their friends for life and so current friendships may change anyway if you stay local so moving them now is a good time.

Extending your old house, only addresses the space issue.

Option 1 without doubt. It’s only 40 minutes away, close enough to see your existing friends still, which was the only downside.

By chance are you in NZ OP? If you are I really would not get hung up on good intermediates, ime intermediates are not that important in terms of education as not an awful lot of learning occurs but more the social experiences, plus cooking / woodwork etc, learning independence. I know many people who just bummed about at intermediate (including myself) and then did fine at High School.

Although this is just my experience.

Honestly, if it were me, I’d go for option 1 without hesitation. You won’t be ridiculously far from your friends and support network, it’s just a longer drive. And living near the beach sounds amazing

Option 3 would be my choice. Intermediates are hit and miss. Our zoned one isn't great so we will try for an out of zone enrolment. It's only 2 years though so it wouldn't be worth moving for me.
If you DD has had a good learning foundation at primary then hopefully she will be fine. Plus at least if you stay in the area, she can see her primary friends.
We are in Auckland, a beach suburb, and despite our house being small, the community here is so important. I know that if we moved, we wouldn't be able to just pop back and hang out. It's not realistic and I wouldn't give up living here.
I know that there any many places undergoing new infrastructure projects but it would be a risk to rely on those. The amount of building companies going bust isn't great.
I moved around a couple of times as a kid and ended up back where we had started as we missed our old life.

Move 40 mins away! Sounds like a good option and the kids will get on board especially if you can say ‘the new house is bigger’ or ‘the new house has a bigger garden’ etc

I am in NZ, comforting to hear that intermediate is not the be all and end all. Option 1 is tempting, it is really the thought of leaving friends behind that stops me. We get together prob once a week, usually a fri/sat night, so that is still feasible if we were in a different suburb, but not as spontaneous as it is now. We are on our summer holiday so great time to find a new place before school starts...What I might do is see what come up over jan, and if we get to the start of the new school year with no house in sight, we can revisit our plans to extend.

Option 1. 40 mins is nothing, traffic often means it takes me that long to get to work anyway

Option 1, we moved when DS was 10 (other side of the country so a lot further than 40 minutes), it was fine, DS settled happily in a new school, we made new friends, jobs worked out OK. 40 minutes is nothing.

I would move, many kids (including mine) had to move frequently due to work - moving once to improve their prospects is just fine. As for extension, I wouldn't, nightmare- I love mine but it was so hard living through the process

Move to the beach! 40 mins is nothing here in NZ! We moved to the beach 3 years ago, quite a bit further than just 40 mins, haven't looked back. Plus whatever quotes you get for renovation in NZ you need to pretty much double it!

Option one sounds great. Just absolutely commit to spending the first couple of years making a huge effort to make friends and become part of the community which is easier with children anyway.

Definitely moving sounds right for you weighing up pro and cons. Friends are important but ultimately you have to do what works best for your family overall. It sounds like your friends' choices of school has taken you by surprise so, (and I mean this in the kindest way) you need to prioritise family needs, as friends have already done. I say this as someone who moved near my best friend (not entirely for her there were other factors and we're very happy here but we placed more weight on it than we should have done) but they unexpectedly relocated abroad within a year of us moving after her husband was made redundant. Keep control of the things you can.

40 min drive is nothing, takes that long for me to get from one side of my city to the other. Plus they will all be keen to visit your beach!

Hi @wishiwas, yes I was taken by surprise and a bit taken aback. We had talked since the kids were babies about sending them to this intermediate as community investment in the school is one of the things it needs, and we all want a great local school rather than going out of zone. And you are right, we need to do what works for us and there are a lot of good reasons to move north. I feel like a spoiled brat saying our house is too small, but dd1s room is barely a single it is so small, and as the girls get older we want our place to be the one all the teens can come to and hang out, which ideally would be in a bigger place so everyone can have their space.
@matildathecat, that is my plan exactly if we move, i’m outgoing and having kids almost gives you a ready made community through the school if you get involved.