Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How do people afford children if they have no family to help with childcare?

56 replies

MidnightChild · 18/12/2018 20:54

I feel having a child is so expensive, with the main costs being childcare and/or loss of earnings.

We have no family near us, which really puts me off having a baby as I know the childcare costs would be more than my wage. There would be no point even working, just to pay someone else to look after my child. On the other hand, we couldn't afford to live on just my partner's wage. Especially considering the cost of houses today.

It does make me feel sad, as I really can't see how we could do it without living in hardship. I know many people say if you want a baby you will be prepared to live in a difficult life for a few years, but I've never believed in doing something if I can't afford to.

Sorry to sound bitter but it feels like only the very rich can afford to have children these days, or those lucky enough to have a supportive family.

OP posts:

xyzandabc · 18/12/2018 21:15

Also for a while I worked evenings and weekends, which required no childcare.

audweb · 18/12/2018 21:18

You pay for it and struggle financially for the first five years and when they start school at least wrap around care is cheaper. I still use a childminder during the holidays and juggle annual leave. Couldn’t afford another one, and you just have to get on with it.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/12/2018 21:19

When DS was younger nursery fees we more than our mortgage.
I was thinking long term though and neither of us were prepared to sacrifice of our careers . It gets better once the free hours kick in!

BackforGood · 18/12/2018 21:20

There are many ways - as people have already said.

Tax free childcare, child tax credits, 15/30 free hours. Also childcare vouchers, but the scheme is now closed to new applicants.

This ^

Also saving beforehand
Also gritting your teeth and economising.
Understanding that it is for a very short time, in comparison with the lifetime of your child, or even your working life.
Some people work alternate 'shifts' (see above)
Some people do what they can from home to bring in a small bit extra.
Some people work 2 jobs before to save up.
Some people go 'interest only' on their mortgage for a while.
Of course some people earn a bit more than you / your partner without being anywhere near what anyone would consider to be 'rich'.

anniehm · 18/12/2018 21:24

By living more frugally, we raised two kids in a different country, I stayed home and we qualified for food stamps despite dh having a professional job - but we managed ok, and ate a lot of cheese (supplied as part of the food programme!)

Some people want to drive newish cars, live in big houses, wear nice clothes and have expensive phones - none are possible on a single income and we were fortunate to have a landlord who gave us 1/3 off rent due to his occupation. Things are a lot more comfortable now, but it's doable with manageable sacrifices

AlaskanSnow · 18/12/2018 21:25

Our childcare bill is £600 per month, but using the childcare tax rebate brings that down to £500. That is for 3 days.

We worked out what we would have to live on, then tried to live on that whilst ttc. That meant we built up savings which we are using as I'm now part time.
Just treading water until the free hours kick in.

We already know we can't afford more than 1 child.

Hohofortherobbers · 18/12/2018 21:28

It's soul destroying if you do the sums... so don't, dig in and accept almost your entire wage disappears on childcare, if you step off the ladder you won't get back on so easily. It's worth it for a few years. As soon as children are at school there are dozens of parents trying to get back to the workplace, accepting roles paying a pittance in jobs they don't want just to get back to work experience. Just keep your current career ticking over for a while

LadyFlumpalot · 18/12/2018 21:29

The simple answer is you struggle. For the last five years DH and I have lived in the bottom of our (sizeable) overdraft. However, now that both kids are at school, the five years limping along have paid off as I've kept my career going and now have minimal childcare costs to worry about (£20 a week breakfast/after school rather than £200 a week childminder).

It does get better but for those first few years it's hard.

The 15/30 funded hours was a godsend though. That and tax credits even if I am paying back nearly 3k because HMRC are knobs

Buggeroffbingbunny · 18/12/2018 21:29

We have no family to help with childcare- we pay a childminder.

We both get childcare vouchers through salary sacrifice which saves us around 20%. You can do similar with the tax free childcare system.

Costs us around £380 a month for 3 days a week of childcare, I work part time. Loss of earnings for me has been around £1000 a month by dropping 2 days so it’s huge. But we manage.

We planned our second baby so that the oldest gets 30 hours free childcare by the time we need to start paying for the younger one.

We don’t have big holidays and don’t overspend. Time is precious with little ones so

Allthewaves · 18/12/2018 21:30

You save really hard and accept your going to be poor for a good while once children arrives. My childcare was more than my wage but I kept at it as contributing to my pension and now just seeing rewards with all kids in school and.chuldcare coats dropping. Also helps if you can go interest only on mortgage for a few years

Hohofortherobbers · 18/12/2018 21:31

Oh, and save 6 months salary whilst you're pregnant, seriously this is the time to stash away all your cash

CrookedMe · 18/12/2018 21:32

DH was made redundant the day our first baby was born; lucky in retrospect, because that lump sum saw us through 6 years of paying almost £800 a month in childcare.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/12/2018 21:33

We saved before having dc.

Petalflowers · 18/12/2018 21:37

I worked part time in the evenings when dc1 was born.

You learn to live with fewer luxuries such as changing your car less often, cheaper holidays, etc. Ie. Cut,your garment according to your cloth,

ChanklyBore · 18/12/2018 21:39

I was pregnant. No partner to pay the bills, no family for childcare. So I had the baby. Changed my job so I didn’t have to pay for childcare.

BrokenWing · 18/12/2018 21:41

We kept £15k equity as cash when we moved to cover 6 months maternity leave and first few months of childcare. When I returned I used my accrued holidays and annual leave to work 4 days a week for nearly a year. Dh is self employed so worked 4 days mid week and one day at the weekend. This meant from 6-18 months we only needed 3 days a week childcare, dh continued to work 4 days mid week and we managed with 4 days childcare until school.

We got childcare vouchers (my work didn't offer them before 2005ish) and 15 hrs nursery when he was 3 which helped. Overall it was financially a frugal few years with no holidays, aging car etc.

Sadbuttrue9 · 18/12/2018 21:42

I couldn't continue with my career because of this. Well, I could of, but got made redundant, hubby made redundant a month later. Moved where he could get work, no more family help ( family help being one day...from in laws, my mum never wanted to help). I've a daughter, and I'd do anything to help her. Yes if have done my child rearing, but I couldn't leave her without support. Actually I'd really want to, and I'm sure enjoy it!

tryinganewname · 18/12/2018 21:42

DH and I have no one, and I mean no one - my mother lives near Aberdeen and I'm in Yorkshire, DH's mum lives 2 hours away and is often abroad anyway.

DD is 5 months old and as silly as it sounds, we have no choice but to cope. I go back to work in April 4 full days and she'll be in nursery.

DH and I do have well paid jobs so not going back to work isn't an option because as expensive as nursery is, its nowhere near worth what our incoming salaries are. We have high outgoings but for 3 years, we'll manage.

Sadbuttrue9 · 18/12/2018 21:43

Sorry
.. to summarise, its really hard , and yes a bit shit.

Neverender · 18/12/2018 21:44

In my opinion - and it counts for zero - women have this decided for them...

Either;

You don't earn enough to cover childcare, or..
You do and are expected to go back to work

I haven't met too many people in the middle but there might be lots?

Sadbuttrue9 · 18/12/2018 21:45

And yes , both had good jobs when we first conceived, could manage on our own etc. Then life happens..

sweetkitty · 18/12/2018 21:45

We have no family help not one day ever, there is only DH and I and a few friends in emergencies. I didn’t work for 12 years, we made the choice to have four DC (probably due to having no family) so childcare would have been too expensive.

I have returned to work now and we have two teenagers who look after themselves, DH works at home 1/2 days a week and I work 3 days a week.

Creatureofthenight · 18/12/2018 21:47

We don’t use family for childcare (barring the odd afternoon/evening babysitting) as they don’t live near enough.
I’d say we earn ok money but certainly not rich. We live in a small house so the mortgage isn’t huge. We found an excellent childminder who is very reasonable, and we qualify for tax free childcare.
We don’t live in London, I suspect that helps.
We went on one holiday last year.
Our car is about 7 years old.
We don’t have any expensive hobbies.

SometimesMaybe · 18/12/2018 21:51

I waited until my youngest was getting free hours to go back. For us it wasn’t just about affordability it was the lack of having support in the event of illness or short notice childcare problems. DH has worked for his company for a long time so can now work from home at short notice and has good Will in the bank.

Bottom line is we still spend lots on childcare but we don’t eat out every weekend like we did pre kids or have regular weekends away so money is diverted from other places, though I appreciate we were lucky enough to both have well paying jobs that we could previously afford to spend money on things like that.

Lazypuppy · 18/12/2018 21:51

This annoys me so much, why are you paying for all the childcare. Of you look at it that you'e paying your half you will still be earning money.

Honestly for us the tax frer childcare is making a massive difference, means she can go to nursery an extra day a week than we budgeted for

Flip

1 2 3