To be furious at dd's teacher?

[Blankexpression]

Today DD's teacher when walking around the class told her to hurry up with her work and then whilst stopping to look at her handwriting said 'God. You're a bit OCD as well, aren't you?'. Presumably meaning as well as DSD, who left the same school a few years ago and has severe OCD.

DSD was taught by this teacher for a GCSE subject so several times a week for two years. Her OCD at this point was debilitating and had a big impact on her school life, there was several incidents this teacher witnessed or would have at least been very aware of including two suicide attempts on school property. I'm certain they knew about all this and will remember it even if it was a few years ago.

Their comments led to one of dd's classmates making a joke about the teacher thinking dd is crazy like her sister. I've never gone into school to complain about any of my kids teachers before but am completely furious with this comment and how incredibly insensitive it was. I know I didn't hear it but it sounds like it could only have been a vile joke, the teacher has no reason to genuinely be concerned that dd has OCD or to voice this to the whole class. Even if dsd wasn't dd's sister I would still find it disgusting for a teacher to say in front of the class that a student was 'a bit' of any medical condition.

AIBU to be furious?
I need someone to either talk me down and explain I'm being over sensitive or tell me they would feel the same before I do anything.

I don't like the blasphemous use of the word " God". Not religious myself but it's very unprofessional to effectively swear in this situation.
Not not professional to mention her sister condition but the fact that it's already minimised in school memory isn't necessarily a bad thing is it? I wouldn't like the label of being the OCD one for the rest of my life rather than " had a few issues whilst I was at school".

YANBU. Back in the 80's I was referred to the CAMHS of that era (child guidance) and I had to leave 6th form early. The head of 6th form said 'are you mad as well then?' or words to that affect, relating to my older sister who had already passed through the school, and who, a few years later, was diagnosed with manic depression. I remember telling my mum and she was furious and contacted the school. They apologised profusely, as did the teacher. And this was at a time that wasn't very PC.

I'd put a complaint in writing. If you don't get the response you want, request a meeting with the governors. I know that's the procedure (or it was a few years ago). Not sure what to do if the school is an academy as I know it's harder to hold them to account.

Oh mad I can think of teachers I've known who would make such a throwaway comment because they're idiots (and have massively misjudged how and when to use humour to deflect in the classroom).

The issue (in my opinion) is that it's fairly common for SEND terms and mental health terms to be minimised and appropriated. (E.g. someone will talk about how they are depressed when theyve actually had a rubbish week/ how they have anxiety when they are nervous / how they are a bit OCD because they are tidy / how someone must be on the spectrum when they mean someone was rude). Wjat that means is that for some people the misuse of these conditions is a standard part of day to day life and phrases like the above trivialize what are very real issues.

The teacher was out of order, unprofessional & needs raising, but my gut instinct is to view it as stupidity / ignorance rather than malice.

Thankyou everyone, I will be asking to speak to someone first thing. And of course I want to listen to the teacher's explanation for their comments as well.

caringcarer
I would be complaining to the governors.

and they would refer you to the schools complaints policy.

Why would the teacher have commented this from looking at dds handwriting?

DSD was allowed to use a laptop for all her work at school which was actually because her normal handrwriting was completely illegible but then whenever she had to write just a few words by hand it would have to take her ages and be so neat it looked like it had been printed.

DD's handwriting is quite neat and I guess she can be a bit slow sometimes at writing.

Blankexpression

You may be making a leap from a throw away comment to your own families circumstances.

Entirely understandable, and the comment needs following up, but it maybe just a throwaway comment.

Go to the School Governor. Not the Headteacher

I suffer with OCD (It's the Bane of my Existence) and a teacher made a comment like that about me. My Father was LIVID and he went to the School Governor and got the teacher fired. Teachers shouldn't be making fun of children's disabilities. It's totally unacceptable

Sounds like an incredibly flippant and insensitive comment by the teacher, but you may be jumping the gun if you think it was deliberately targeted. I would definitely arrange an appointment to see the head teacher and calmly explain that one of his/her staff needs to get MH training

@mamaofone94 - got the teacher fired?!?! They must have said more than an insensitive throwaway comment to get fired or they must have been looking for an excuse to get rid of the teacher. If not that’s an incredibly heavy handed approach and rather worrying !!!!

Has the teacher forgotten, and just made a comment about your child being OCD?

Kids band it around all the time, say they are OCD (when they are actually not) and have to write neatly, can't scribble out etc. The only way I can think it would be remotely acceptable is if the teacher had forgotten about your daughter and just used OCD in this context.

If it is, as you say, then it is definitely not acceptable.

My Father was LIVID and he went to the School Governor and got the teacher fired.

Not unless this was the tip of the iceberg.

The teacher may have left at the end of the school year but they won't have been fired.

OP, even from your further explanation there is no way to jump from that situation to telling someone they are OCD though. Teachers come across so many DC with poor handwriting, for many different reasons. OCD is not diagnosed by watching someone write. I can see how the teacher might possibly extrapolate that from slow and careful formation of letters, along with other information, but this alone wouldn't warrant them announcing it out aloud in the classroom! They would know exactly how a comment like that would be received and passed on. I'm not saying there aren't ppl ignorant enough to say it, but it must be a very small ignorant minority who would say it in the educational workplace while aware of the potential fallout. That's why I'm pretty sure there's more to it. I assume your DC would be v sensitive about such a comment? Did they perhaps inaccurately remember the comment and you have it filtered through dcs perspective?

Teacher here. I would go in. Unacceptable comment in a variety of ways.

@MaisyPops- yes, this!

Unfortunately, it is the language of students too- students often refer to each other and themselves as OCD, so teacher may have just been using the same language as the kids without realising.

Doesn't make it okay though- teachers should think about their language use more

This is a departmental issue - speak to the head of department who will involve the HOY if they need to. You need to get to he bottom of what happened first. Then if you are not happy with that, headteacher. Going to the governors should only really happy if you’re not happy with how the school has investigated.

This is an emotive subject for the OP and no doubt upsetting, but teachers deal with hundreds of children within a space of a few years, and they may not have remembered how serious your older daughters condition was. This is a very tactless comment, but I don’t think any malice was intended. Perhaps a timely reminder that OCD is very debilitating form some, and not to be used as a throwaway comment. (My DH has OCD).

@Madmozzie

A while back now (90s and early 2000s) but teachers seemed to use this phrase a lot. Could be a slightly older teacher trying to be cool and getting it massively wrong?

The teacher sounds like a bully. I would be very unhappy

All her teachers were told and heavily involved in managing her OCD due to its severity. The suicide attempts at the school were a huge deal for everyone. Students in older year groups were at the school while this happened, its unfortuanetly not something thats been forgotten about and is still common knowledge where they happened.
I don't know but is that something a teacher can completlely forget about in 3 years?

@Bibijayne
Maybe I guess, but it would be v misjudged indeed for a teacher to use the term lightly to children in the class. I really don't think any professionals I know would use it in such a way. They should be highly aware that it would potentially be totally non PC to most ppl nowadays to throw the term around in an educational setting. Esp if they had had previous knowledge of the family situation. Which they are aware of to judge by the OP's report of their comment.

blank not everyone would recall all the details in the first instance though, I'm sure. So the OCD link would be remembered well ahead of the rest of the consequences. I'm still struggling with the idea of a modern teacher coming out with that as a response to watching handwriting though. How old is this teacher, approx?

Even if she didn’t know about the DSD’s experience, it’s a ridiculous statement for any teacher to make to a child.

Throwaway comment or not, as an OCD sufferer myself it really pisses me off that (some) people think it’s ok to ridicule or minimise OCD in that kind of way. There’s so much misunderstanding and stigma about the condition anyway; even if it was just a thoughtless comment she should be pulled up on it. As a teacher surely she should be setting an example to the kids, not ridiculing a pupil and mocking a mental health condition to boot

Teacher is probably mid 50's but I'm awful at guessing peoples age.

OP incidents regarding teen mental health happen every year. They are traumatic and emotive, but sadly more frequent to those working with students than any outsider would realise. Some of the situations involving past students have had me stressed and needing to offload onto heads of year and not sleeping for weeks (ended up being fat too involved pastorally But that's the reality of cuts). But years later we don't hang onto that mental load because it's just not healthy.

We get huge amounts of information weekly about students. There's some information that is need to know only (E.g. I know about a students' attempted suicide but my head of department doesnt). We don't spend all day rehashing private information about thousands of students we've taught in the last 3+ years.

The comment was unprofessional and needs raising, but seem fairly intent on arguing that there's some vile bullying attempt mocking someone's sibling here rather than consider the most logical take whcih is ignorance.

It's not a great comment from the teacher. However she may have forgotten about your dsd. Whilst things can feel very fresh to you (even years later), teachers generally detach and forget. I regularly bump into students I have taught a year or 2 ago and I don't even remember their names. It's not rudeness, just my brains way of dealing with the sheer volume of information we have to process on a daily basis.

I would speak to school, find out exactly what happened. If it happened as your dd remembers, an apology is all that is required.