To not give DD our flat?

[Thunder69]

Hello,

Our daughter has applied to university. She so far has received 3/5 offers. One of them is in the town next to us (the "worst" one she has applied for) but we own a small property in that area; someone is in there for 6 more months, but then it'll be empty, so we can find a new person, or DD can have it. We don't particularly need the income we get from rent. DD would need to cover other costs with her loan.

If we say she can't (we haven't given her an answer yet) she has openly said she will go to one of the "better" unis. This makes me feel like I'm in a really difficult situation. I think balls are good for 1st year students, especially if she will pick the choice that's better for her future, or I could offer the property, but then I'm the one actually causing her to not socialise in 1st year/be at a "worse" uni.

Really looking for thoughts. Thanks.

You could say even if she chooses that uni she should live in halls her first year and then decide if she wants the flat or to live with friends. The rent from the flat could go towards her rent in halls, and flat share if decides to do that. Choice of Uni definitely needs to be the best for her course that she can though, not based on your flat.

I had this exact same situation so I know the difficulty. In the end I just had a really frank discussion with her and said that I could use the extra money from the rental income to support her if she went to another Uni- and emphasized the importance of all other factors. Could it be that your daughter is a bit anxious about finding accommodation etc and this just seems like the easy option?

The better education is surely the best option, but I disagree that living in halls is essential. I lived at home attending uni and don't feel I missed out.

For the higher paid jobs you need to go to the bardest to get into universities. There is no point incurring debt giong to a poor university if you could get to a better one. There is no contest here

If she cares so little about her future that that is the way she's going to choose, then i'd be suggesting she doesn't go to uni at all.

Is she a brat about other things?

Anyway, it's a no brainer - no flat, go to the better uni and stay in halls.

My two pence about living alone.

Has she said why she would prefer to live alone?

I personally hated halls and learned a lot from living alone later on in uni during my second and third year. It taught me how to set up my bills, deal with issues and allowed me to focus on my studies and make more of an effort to socialise. I hated the noise, the messiness and the crowded space in the halls, it affected my sleep and my mood and made me withdraw from people. I made only one friend while in halls who I still talk to occasionally. I wish I had opted for the living alone option from the beginning.

As a parent you should guide her and offer her unconditional help without expecting her to reciprocate by complying to what you think is best.

I really hated halls when I went to uni - I didn't drink and found myself feeling a bit lonely when I could hear everyone else partying until gone 5 in the morning and I didn't particularly click with anybody on my corridor. Would've loved to have my own place but was going to uni in London so wasn't really an option.

However I do think your DD shouldn't pick her uni based on accommodation, it should be about which one she thinks is the 'best'. If she hates halls she can look into something else - I nearly moved in with a family who were renting out a room. Uni will help her if she decides she really doesn't like halls.

OTOH maybe what she is telling you is despite your thinking that halls I great, she'd prefer to live alone and actually doesn't want the socialisation halls can offer.

The reality is often dirty, loud people you don't like but have to share a kitchen with the nine months.

don't give her the flat, even if she does choose the worse uni it's better to be in halls for the first year to meet people.

Tell her if she moves into the flat you're charging her rent anyway and if it's a two bed will be advertising the other room!

In all honestly I'd tell her no, pick the Uni she wants. If it turns out she ends up at local one (poor results etc) then reconsider

She's loving the idea of having a place of her own and not thinking about the long term implications. Don't offer her it.

As PPs have said, use the rent to give her money towards accommodation at a good uni.

Living alone would be really difficult, particularly at the beginning because people hang out with people from their accommodation and she would have no one.

Take the flat out of the equation. She needs to make a choice based on other factors. And if she does end up in this nearby town I'd still defer a decision until she's had a go at halls... she may want to move in in her second or third year once she's met other folk

Better university and living independently, definitely. I learnt so many life skills having to budget, sort bills, rent and deal with landlords. I would get someone else renting once the current tenant moves out, and perhaps support with some of the money from that.

It's not what you do it's where you do it. Is the better unis known for being the best at the course she wants to do.

say no and use the rent for halls then better accommodation in the years after halls.

And of course you have to take into account how big a loan she can get. If you and her DF are high earners she may not get a huge living loan and you will be expected to top it up. A friend's DS was due to go to uni this Sept but the family could not afford to top up his loan so he has taken a year out to work and go next year. And with the whole 6% compound interest rate on student loans it is so much more complicated than when I went years ago.