‘Snappy’ friend

[YourLastRolo]

I have a friend who can be quite snappy. Mostly this is because she gets annoyed about situations. An example is I’d missed that she’d put a card through my door for 12’s birthday, I hadn’t seen the card and didn’t know there was cash in it. 12 didn't mention the card/cash at all. Because of this I didn’t thank her. She was a bit snappy with me about it when she asked if 12 had found the card and I explained the above. However, friend always apologises for her manner. Obviously I accept her apologies with good grace and don’t use it against her.

My aibu is am I U to ask her to chill out a bit? There are other instances, but there is always an apology after she’s calmed down a bit and I dont hold it against her. She’s never aggressive or rude I’m just not sure how to/if to approach. FWIW she’s a fantastic sometimes snappy friend who helps me a lot.

I'm sorry but I'm with your friend on this one. It is down right rude not to say thank you. To be honest I really don't how you could have missed a card through the door.
The women has practically had to beg you for gratitude.

A 12 year old should be capable of saying thank you herself.

I'm not sure that's the point of the thread. It is possible to ask things like 'hey I dropped a card off - did your son like it' without snapping.
To be honest I'm not sure I'd say anything. She apologises and so is aware what she's like, unless she only like that with you then it's probably just part of her personality so will actually be quite difficult for her to change so I'm not sure that mentioning it will achieve anything.

Just to clarify, the reason I missed the card was because 12 got downstairs before me and opened it then put it on the mantle. Didn’t mention it to me at all. Friend asking about the card was the first I’d heard of it.

Also, by ‘snapping’ I mean you can tell she’s annoyed and then she’ll snap “it doesn’t matter”.

I have apologised to her about missing the card and obviously thanked her on behalf of 12.

Explain to '12' about good grace and manners

12 is a good kid but yes I take your point MarthasGinYard

Why didn't you teach your child to say thank you? At 12 they shouldn't need anymore prompting and checking from you to take 2 secobds to say thank you.

I think 12 was just so wrapped up in the day that it didn’t register. It was probably just assumed that I would see the card and do it myself, but I missed the card completely.

People who “get snappy” around me don’t stay in my life long, I can’t be arsed with passive aggressive bullshit.

Aye you should have thanked her for the card, 12 should have too.

But equally your friend could have said she was feeling a bit put out by the lack of thanks without being a passive aggressive brat about it. Apologies only count if it’s not a repetitive behaviour. If it’s something that she apologises for regularly, apologies become meaningless.

She's a fantastic friend who helps a lot.

Do you really feel upset when she snaps like a victim of some sort of verbal abuse or is it more that it's annoying to your she's not being more polite?

Because if it's just an annoyance that's she's not as polite as you would like I would just suck that up as part of the friendship and one of her "flaws". She doesn't sound passive aggressive she sounds just honestly aggressive and I have a few pals like that and I love that I know exactly where I stand and that I can be myself around them whether it be annoyed, upset or delighted with life because they're is no pretence

And she remembers your kids birthdays and drops a card off, that's lovely