To think some people are unreasonable in relationships

[GinisLife]

Sorry, crap title but I have brain fog

I'm currently undergoing cancer treatment (it's shit but I'm ok and will be ok so sympathy not required). I've reached a point where I don't want to drive myself every day (5 days a week, 60 mile round trip) feeling crappy. My lovely friends have come up with a rota to take me and support me. My male friend this morning picked me up (I met him 8 years ago OLD and we went out for a few months but it fizzled out and he's become a really good friend, no more than that). On the way his current g/f rang and he didn't pick up. He commented "she'd go mad if she knew you were with me and I was taking you". Why ? He's a mate doing a mate a favour and showing they care. Why would he not tell her up front ?? How are people so insecure they imagine all people of the opposite sex are after their b/f g/f ?? I hear of this a lot. I don't get it.

Well... some people are unreasonable full stop, because they are not very nice people.

Others might appear to be being unreasonable in a relationship but maybe they actually have a good reason. For example if your male friend isn't very helpful, kind and considerate to his girlfriend, but is happy to be kind and helpful to you, his ex, I can see why she might be pretty hacked off.

Sorry you're ill.

Insecurity. I can’t imagine being that insecure though, nor being in a relationship with someone who was that mistrusting. The only valid reason would be if they had done something to make me that suspicious, but then again there’s no way I’d still be in a relationship with someone who had or had tried to have a fling/afair or anything like that. Fuck that!

That’s mental.

I was never more impressed with my husband than when a colleague in his tiny office suffered the onset of a quite dangerous miscarriage. He drove her to hospital, waited with her for 8 hours until her boyfriend could get there (to scotland from Wales) and then went to her house to pick up a bag of stuff from her flatmate. She had no one else in this city (new hire, didn’t really know anyone) and I thought it was a real testament to his character that he was automatically there for her just because it was the right thing to do.

Sorry you’re ill OP

Maybe she doesn't trust him because he lies . Chicken and egg, if someone skulks about behinds people's backs, even when it's innocent. They can't complain when people doubt them.

He's not being reasonable either by not letting her find out where he is or who he's with. If he doesn't like the consequences of being open with her why is he in that relationship

Yeah I get the skulking - but he skulks because he knows what her reaction will be rather than because he's a liar. Apparently he didn't ring her last night because she'd said she needed to do some family stuff and was having an early night. He got a PA text at 10pm saying "im way down your list of priorities then" because he'd not called 😳. Sorry but I don't get why people put up with such shit in a relationship. It should be a happy thing.

Are you single OP? And therefore a "threat"?

He is lying about who he is with and where he is. He is also ignoring her calls to cover his lies.

If he pulls this shit all the time she is way down his list of priorities.

See if my husband was helping out a female friend id have no problem but if he was off somewhere with a woman and didn't tell me I'd be livid, my feelings come before another woman's, cancer treatment or not. Yes she sounds insecure but that's because of how he's behaving. My ex (a long long time ago) used to "help" female friends and would deliberately word things in a way that would upset me and lead me not to trust him, in hindsight he was a massive dick. My husband doesn't keep secrets from me and the trust is 100%

I am single but I'm no threat. Been there, done that, don't fancy him. But he's a lovely bloke. He's not been seeing her all that long this time round (6months?) but it's their 3rd go at a relationship in a couple of years. She ignored him for a month recently because of some perceived slight. I hear what you're all saying but I do think it's her not him.

I don't think YABU but, with all due respect, every relationship is a whole world that can't always be fully understood from outside. There may be so many things you don't know and only hear the typical things men say about their GFs: "she's crazy", etc.

She may have good reason to be insecure about his behaviour and not prioritised.

He's done a lovely thing for you and I personally wouldn't be jealous if it was my DH, but I can't judge everyone by my DH's standards because I know I AM his priority and he makes me feel loved and secure. Maybe your friend's GF doesn't feel the same?

I hear what you're all saying but I do think it's her not him

You think that because he’s your friend and she isn’t, and because you’ve heard her story and not his. You have no real idea what goes on in their relationship.
He lied about where he is.

I do think it's her not him.

It's both of them. She is insecure and he is dishonest so they are making each other worse. And if he is having a third go at a relationship with a woman he feels he has to lie to, then he has poor judgment.

Avoid discussing the whole business. It's his mess. Save your energy and look after yourself He is lovely as a friend but don't get involved with him yourself - he doesn't have the courage to be honest with a partner, and that will still be true whoever he is with.

I think men like this get off on making themselves a source of competition between women. Why is he telling you this stuff? Even if he knows you're not interested in him, he's got you bitching about how jealous and possessive his girlfriend is. Therefore setting himself up as this coveted prize she's desperate for

I totally agree with Flossie

I work in a male dominated area and you would be amazed at the amount of the guys who have saved my number in their phones as 'bob' or similar.

I just don't get it.

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 you know, I think you're right. He does like to think he's gods gift to women (he's not).

@AmaryllisNightAndDay also right. I've just been sat here pondering while my chemo goes through and I genuinely don't get why he's with her if she gives him that much grief. I think he doesn't want to be on his own and she's the best he's met in a while - there have been some real nightmares !! He is a bit control freakery. He wants things his own way all the time.
I'd rather be single !!!

I used to work with a man who used to complain how his female partner was jealous of us working together. It wasn't until I met her that I realised she was jealous because of what he was saying to her about me.

Some people actually like that sort of grief, it makes them feel wanted.

I think you cannot know how he treats her and makes her feel.
I recently had a “issue” with my Dh and a colleague of his. Mainly because of previous hurtful comments, feeling insecure and under appreciated. He is very fun and social with friends but has form for making taking those who love him for granted. Plus I am pregnant and a bit hormonal. If he was to tell her how I felt I am sure I would sound like an idiot but if she saw all of the things adding up then it would make more sense.