Should I just let it go?

[Kittenrush]

I’ll try and shorten this as much as possible, but basically from about 15-25 I had an on again off again boyfriend whom I’ve always been close with. We’ve always been really good friends and we’ve had periods of long term relationship, casual relationships and just the odd fling when we’ve felt like it. Eventually it became clear to both of us that we needed to go our separate ways romantically but we always remained really good friends. Skip forward to a fair few years later I’m married, I have one child and another on the way, the contact has dwindled and since I married he makes excuses not to meet and catch up. (This has never usually happened when either of us have been in other relationships we’ve always remained friends and met each other’s partners etc) A few months ago I called him on it and asked him what was up. He told me that now I’m married there isn’t much point in keeping contact...I point out that we haven’t had a romantic relationship for years and why would our friendship suddenly change just because I got married? He just said there’s just no point now. Leading me to believe he was only ever interested in keeping contact to try and basically get in my pants.
At the time I just kind of swallowed it and said I was quite lonely as he was one of my best friends and I missed him but now I’ve had some time to properly mull it over I’m actually really pissed off.
Do I message him again and tell him what a selfish idiot he’s being or do I just let it go and write off years of friendship which evidently meant very little to him?
I want to let it go but I keep thinking about it and it makes me really angry. WIBU to message?

Just let it go

I lost several female friends around the time I got married and starting having children. We simply didn't have so much in common any more and the friendship dwindled.
Your friend is not saying that your years of friendship mean nothing, he's saying that you're now both in different places.

What is it that’s making you angry exactly / what do you want from him / how does your husband feel about your relationship with him? Sorry for all the questions! I’m just trying to understand.

Thanks for your replies. I think it’s one of those that I know I need to just forget about and not take so personally but I just find it a bit insulting?
He was one of my closest friends for years and he doesn’t want to stay in touch because there is now no chance of anything happening between us.
I just want my friend back. He’s a real introvert and doesn’t like being out and about much, he doesn’t have many friends and always complains about it, yet now he has nothing to gain from me he’s not remotely interested in our friendship. Just a bit hurt I guess!

Oh sorry, my husband had absolutely no problem with our friendship at all. He’s friends with an ex he was with for a long, long time. We have a big messy social circle so it would be impossible not to be. We just don’t get jealous like that.

I think if it was possible to just let it go you would have done. If you think it’ll help you to get it off your chest to tell him how you feel then do it, why not in a way? I’m not surprised you’re hurt. Maybe he always thought you’d end up together and can’t stand to still be in touch. We have no idea. I’m sorry you’re feeling upset though.

I get why you would be angry, I would be too. But at this point it doesn't sound like he's interested in a genuine friendship (and apparently he never was) so it's probably better to focus on moving on and making friends who actually are friends.

He's selfish twat but I'm not sure you'll feel better for telling him he is.

What are you angry at? That he still thinks of you in a way you don’t and it is easier for him to walk away then stay friends
You have moved on he clearly hasn’t. Yes it’s selfish but he has a right to do so
You want the relationship on your terms, terms he doesn’t want accept that and move on as well. You are being equally selfish to be honest

I honestly hadn’t even remotely considered that it was about feelings so I completely see how I would be coming across as a bit of a prick right now. He’s been pretty clear about being over me in that way but now I think of it he might be able to safe face. Teddy thank you for your genuinely kind reply. I think just in case it is about feelings I’ll leave it. I wouldn’t want to rub salt in the wound and if I’m wrong and it’s a bout a shag he’s not worth my anger. I’m glad I could vent about it though. Having some relief has helped clear my brain. Thanks all

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I know from experience that it's devastating to know that your only value to people that you've known for years is what's in your pants. Being befriended for years only to find out that it was all fake and they were never your friend is an awful feeling. I'm still hurt by one in particular.

I wish people that don't want to be friends would just be honest about their feelings or piss off. I can't have sympathy for someone that acts like your best friend for years then just ends it because the entire friendship was a lie.

If someone develops real feelings that they can't move past and distances themselves fairly quickly that's very different to lying for a prolonged period of time.

Discussing it with him won't change anything and it won't make you feel any better so it's not worth it.

Things change, people change. You are now a different person than you were before marriage and children. Let him move on with no bad feelings

I did wonder if I was being a bit over sensitive but I think it’s okay to be a bit miffed about the end of a friendship for a seemingly shallow reason. That said I’ve definitely decided not to say anything, as many have said, it’s not going to solve anything, I’m going to end up looking ridiculous.
@ShartGoblin I’m really sorry this has happened to you too but I’m glad someone understands what I’m rattling on about.