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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not wake my husband to tell him this

17 replies

SeventeenThirty · 18/12/2018 01:42

DH and I shared a couple of bottles of wine this evening whilst watching a film and we both came to bed a little tipsy. He was tired from working nightshift last night and hasn't eaten much today so the alcohol has hit him a little harder and he fell asleep pretty much straight away.

When I got into bed I text my SIL to ask how she was and she said that she wasn't great as her husband (DH's DBro) was in a bad way and was "losing his mind". He was trying to get himself hospitalised.

They live a few hundred miles away plus BIL is an alcoholic and drug addict. I am very concerned for my BIL.

I don't know whether I should wake DH to tell him this DBro is in a bad way. DH can't physically do anything right now and DBro will not be in a fit state to talk over the phone anyway but I can't help thinking if it was my sibling and I didn't know?? If DH hadn't been drinking then i would have no qualms about waking him to tell him.

I have told my SIL to phone me during the night if she needs to.

AIBU to not tell DH until morning?

OP posts:

octoberfarm · 18/12/2018 01:45

If it were me I think I'd wake him, simply because I'd want to know if it were my brother. Sorry you're all going through this

Singlenotsingle · 18/12/2018 01:46

I'd leave it til morning. There's nothing DH can do and he'll only stay awake worrying. (Maybe even try to drive to see BIL).

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/12/2018 01:47

No yanbu as you say he can't do anything at this time of night and you have told sil to phone to update if she needs to. I would leave him sleeping or he's no good to anyone really, tipsy and exhausted nd if he's a shift worker it is rubbish trying to get a good sleep at best of times.

Original poster

SeventeenThirty · 18/12/2018 01:50

I'm just worried in case anything happens to BIL that could have been prevented if DH spoke to him. I have anxiety so always have the worst case scenario running through my head.

OP posts:

halfwitpicker · 18/12/2018 01:50

Definitely wait.

Topseyt · 18/12/2018 01:52

Leave it till the morning. He can't do anything much tonight, realistically.

JustJoinedRightNow · 18/12/2018 01:53

If you’re worried just wake him and tell him. He should understand you’re worried given you’ve got anxiety.
He might be able to text his brother and they could chat that way rather than over the phone. Good luck. I hope your BiL is ok.

BlackBeltInPresentWrapping · 18/12/2018 01:53

I would let him sleep it off. There's nothing he can offer tonight, and he'll be in a much better state to offer the support needed tomorrow after a good night's sleep. Be careful about blood alcohol levels if driving in the morning. In the meantime, you've offered SIL support overnight. Try and get some sleep now yourself too.

jessstan2 · 18/12/2018 01:53

SuchAToDo · 18/12/2018 01:53

Op will your dh be angry in the morning if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him?

If I was him id want to know, even if he just talks to sil on the phone at least he has been told and at least sil isn't going through this alone...

I would tell him

What if something happens to bil and your dh didn't get chance to speak to him, he might blame you for making that decision for him..

Fightthebear · 18/12/2018 01:55

I’d wake him up tbh. It’s not about being able to fix it but being available to give support.

Shriek · 18/12/2018 01:56

What concerns you OP? What are you worried might happen, worst case scenario?

Original poster

SeventeenThirty · 18/12/2018 02:00

I've spoken to SIL again and she says to leave it until the morning. She's trying to calm him down and they've got her brother there helping.

We can't understand him at the best of times as he's incoherent on the phone, I'm guessing he would be worse than he usually is right now.

DH wouldn't be angry if everything was okay/the same in the morning. If not then I'm sure he would be very upset if I hadn't told him.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 18/12/2018 02:00

I'd wake him. I'm one of 5 and would want to know.

gnomeathome · 18/12/2018 02:10

Leave it until the morning. It might be different if she called you in a panic but it doesn't sound like that? Giving support/advice when you are half cut is never the best idea - too emotional and irrational. Seems like you need to be on the other end of the phone for her. If things escalate you might need to wake him but I would sit tight for now. Sorry to hear OP, this stuff is never easy

Shriek · 18/12/2018 02:13

What are you worried about though OP? What do you think is going to happen?

If you are this worried and for good reason then you have to tell him, and he can either go back to sleep or phone db himself (or his dw)

wombat1a · 18/12/2018 02:21

Defn a morning thing, he can't do anything and what's best for him - sleep or worry?

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