Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do I write in Christmas card to friend who's daughter has become non-binary?

42 replies

Happymonster · 17/12/2018 23:20

Writing a card to an old ante-natal friend who's moved away and I only see once or twice a year. This summer she told me her teenage daughter, Natalie had decided she was non-binary, tending towards male and from henceforth wanted be known as Boris or he or they (all names changed). I know that mum and dad and other son were not very happy about the whole thing (thought still trying to be supportive parents) and it has been hard for them as a family to come to terms with. We don't really keep in regular phone or email contact, so I don't know if there have been any developments since. Do I write to 'Chas, Dave, Boris and Freddie' or 'Chas and Dave and family'? We're seeing them in the new year, so I don't want to just not write a card....and still have to eventually call Natalie/Boris by some name....

OP posts:
PooleySpooley · 18/12/2018 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

redsquirrel2 · 18/12/2018 00:03

I misread our new neighbour’s writing on her Christmas card to us and called her child Eric when actually her name is Evie! Sorry this probably isn’t helping at all, it just reminded me. Go with Chas Dave and family.

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2018 00:17

To be honest I would ask your friend what to put and follow her lead.

OkPedro · 18/12/2018 00:19

Oh come on! my cousin has 6 children and I don't write happy Christmas Sam and her 6 children's names. I write happy Christmas Sam and family. Why do people get worked up about his shit. It really doesn't matter if the child is "non binary"

ErrolTheDragon · 18/12/2018 00:25

If the last you heard was that DC is called Boris, then you write Boris.

That was in summer, the child may have changed name and pronouns again. Under the circumstances 'and family' is the least worst option.

As to what the OP should call the child when they meet again, hopefully it will become obvious when you get there.

123rd · 18/12/2018 00:28

Fwiw my rule is if there are more than two children I write 'and family'
Not sure this helps Op!

Isitweekendyet · 18/12/2018 18:06

Difficult one, OP.

Can you contact the Mum and ask her if Boris is still Boris?

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:03

I would refuse to participate in the nonsense, so just write "and family" or something similar, as to not cause conflict.

bialystockandbloom · 19/12/2018 00:31

What about a sort of indecipherable squiggle?

Sorry that's not helpful is it Grin

Helendee · 19/12/2018 00:44

Don’t sweat it, I expect next year he/she/whatever will identify as a yak or whatever happens to be on trend at the time.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/12/2018 00:52

They have told you that DD should now be known as Boris so I would write Boris on the card. As you say you know them because of your children so not writing the children's names is a bit weird. If it is now not the name used the chances are your friend will just bin the card and not mention to her dd and she can't be offended because she is the one who told you to use that name.

PinkAvocado · 19/12/2018 00:55

Yes to indecipherable squiggle as suggested by pp. That reminds me, was the indecipherable sender’s name ever worked out in the card around this time last year? Anyone else remember that thread?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/12/2018 00:55

Fwiw my rule is if there are more than two children I write 'and family'
Not sure this helps Op!

I hate this and always try to write all names and get spellings correct. It's not that hard to just make sure your address book is up to date. If someone writes "and family" it says to me that they have forgotten the names of my dC. If they are neighbours or acquaintances fine but if I consider them good friends I would be secretly offended by this.

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:58

Don’t sweat it, I expect next year he/she/whatever will identify as a yak or whatever happens to be on trend at the time.

That is the preferred outcome, really.

Participating in the whole thing just cements it and would make the child embarrassed to return to normal.

I might use a weird name such as, say "Perdita X" in a joking manner, but teens who just want a cooler name don't take hormones and mutilate their body with unnecessary surgery.

I'd not take any risks with a female child identifying as "Boris". I really wouldn't want to have to afterwards ask myself if perhaps they might have persisted if I hadn't participated so enthusiastically.

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:59

... desisted, I mean. It is too late.

Didyeeaye · 19/12/2018 01:10

Ask your friend what they are known as. If it's Boris then write Borris. No need to over think it

BrexitDestruction · 19/12/2018 01:12

To Team Smith?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page