To call in sick with stress?

[YouCantPolishThis]

So this year has been utterly awful for various reasons including: move to new area, mum passing away, new job, single parent, full time hours, poor health, family drama, caring for sibling with MH and health issues,
difficult teenager, poorly DC (not seriously so but a worry during the testing bit) and just trying to learn a complete career change etc

This week my grandmother has passed away and it's causing this huge heap of anxiety and sadness to crush me. I feel like I haven't stopped crying since March. I'm the 'power through' type who likes distraction from real life but I went to work today and now I feel overwhelmingly like I can't do this. I cannot cope with anything else. Every ounce of energy has gone.

I am worried that if I don't stop now I'll end up broken somehow. I approached my boss last week before my grandmother had passed to ask about a temporary reduction in hours and it was flat out no (didn't even let me explain why - just said it's a full time post and ended the conversation). But I need to just slow down so my only choice would be to take a couple of weeks off sick I think.

But, I'm not out of my probation as my boss is too busy to do the review this side of Christmas although I'm technically past my 6 months. So they can give me ones weeks notice. In July I had two weeks off due to being admitted to hospital with a random illness so I am already over the attendance management marker.

On paper I look like a terrible employee because of those two weeks. In reality - I have always performed very well. My boss is the 'delegate delegate delegate' type who happily adds more to my role each week it seems so he is confident in my ability.

It's a busy time for us at work and I would feel bad that my colleague would be picking up the slack but I honestly don't think I can go on like this.

AIBU to speak with the GP tomorrow about getting signed off for two weeks just to get my head straight?

I'm so worried this might cost me my job but I have this running voice in my head saying 'I can't do this anymore' for 95% of the day at the moment. I want to sleep for weeks and wake up when it's all over but I can't.

Please can someone just tell me if I should push through this and stay at work or if I should just pause everything and rest?

Can you book any Annual leave?

Can the team ( realise the boss isn't ) take the strain.

I would say YANBU to go off sick but worry if you actually lost your job would this just make matters worse.

I would also pull the family in what stress they can take off you.

Oh bless you, what a hard time you are having. I think you need to set fairly low goals for yourself for Christmas. It is not worth pushing yourself to the brink over the perfect Christmas, plus perhaps that's not what is needed this year. Are your children a bit older? (one is a teen I think) Could they understand that Christmas may be a more subdued affair, still fun but really just a meal and a few pressies?That's what I'm doing as that's what I can manage this year. I can't perform or do lots of visits or do amazing baking, I don't have the time or energy, so we are having a low key time.

Go easy on yourself and don't make yourself ill. If you need to cry for a few days up to Christmas, so be it.

So very sorry you’re having such a bad time op.
While I would say you really should see your gp and you certainly sound like you need a break, I’m afraid to say that if you take 2 weeks off sick over the Christmas period you won’t have a job to go back to.
Sorry to be so negative

it will be even more inmportant to the dcs that you are well.

if you are not going to take time off work, you need to have a quiet christmas.

be ill at christmas and let them sort it out, let yourself recover a bit. cut back on everything non essential, and if you need it take time off sickness.

The probation period is irrelevant, you can be dismissed in the first two years of employment. An employer would still have to consider whether their dismissal could be discrimatory, I'm not sure you'd have grounds for claiming that to be honest. It's a very tough situation for you OP, can you at least see your GP, they may prescribe you some anti-depressants for the short term, to help you?
I'd also agree with other posters who say you need to say no to your family in terms of being mum this year and take the time for yourself and your children only.

Bless you, that was four years ago and I am back on my feet but I tell you OP, it taught me to really value and take care of my mental health. I have always been known as 'tough' and capable of handling anything, I hated how weak I felt and I was so ashamed of myself. But my mind and body were screaming at me to stop and listen and I didn't. It was the scariest time in my life but also possibly the greatest lesson. The breakdown meant I was incapable of even having a shower, never mind hold down my job and had I just stopped and got help instead of trying to push on through, things would never have got so bad. A person can only be so strong for so long.

I get that money is a worry and I don't care that it may be an unpopular opinion, but there are benefits you would be entitled to, should you end up losing your job for taking time off. They don't have to be forever and you can use the time to apply for jobs that might be more suited to your capabilities just now.

Or you can stay at work but try to focus on getting enough sleep and support to see you through.

OP I have sent you a PM.

Is there any way at all that you send the children to stay with a friend for a weekend and then just stay in bed and recover.

You've had a horrible time but it is a long road with no turning-it won't always be like this.

I think you need to keep the job, at least for now. I can understand a boss refusing to drop hours if they do require a full time person.

What I also think you need to do is relieve some of the other pressures where you can, it is not your job to 'step in to your mother's shoes' with regards to Christmas and I actually feel that you would be better off stepping back completely and having a quiet immediate family only day.

A few days of peace and quiet, a few days to remember just how great your kids are and how much better it feels to be around them when you yourself are relaxed.

Your plate only has so much space on it, then it overflows, knock off some of that overflow or it will bring you down, don't be scared to say No to people.

No is a full sentence, you do no need an explanation or an excuse. All you need is the word No. Once you say it a few times you will start to feel so much less stressed.

Tbh, I have been in your position. It took my dh to tell me to go to the doctors and be signed off. I was off for 5 months. Mine was different. It was work related stress. Honestly, go to the doctors. They will talk to you. Maybe prescribe you something to help you. I was on citalopram and it helped immensely. Also got a bit of counselling. I did this and it helped me cope with life. Maybe its what you need.

I am now at work in a new job, not on antidepressants anymore [ was on for a year], it helped me get back on my feet.

Ach, OP,.I feel for you. Your situation sounds so tough. Your last year must have been just unbearable

Can you go to the doctor and ask about counseling and/or medication? I went through an extremely tough year and ended up just overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. Had never happened to me before.
I had little support and so had to keep going. I ended up seeing a doctor and started anti-depressants. They just lifted that mental burden so much. I had struggled for so long I had forgotten what it was like to live without the constant gnaw of anxiety and stress.

Thinking of you, OP

I really appreciate everyones advice. Its good to hear that others have been through tough times and fell better now.

I'll try and see the gp tomorrow and see what they say about counselling or some support without being signed off.

I will think about christmas. I could scale back christmas eve plans or ask my siblings to have DC without me for part of it. Christams day and boxing day are fully planned and it's a bit late to be letting everyone down but I will scale it down as much as possible and outsource some of the stuff maybe - get others to bring things instead etc

You sound like me a couple of weeks ago! As PP said, treat things one day at a time. I’m a single mum and dealing with grief too.

I went to the dr who was amazing, as I felt I could not cope and wanted to hide under a rock! He basically said “how do people expect you to be when you’ve had all this trauma?” Said I was doing well, we had a chat and he packed me off feeling better about myself.

you sound like you are grieving, probably for both your grandmother and mother. Sending 💐 and strength, can you go to the dr to get grief counselling or do you have private medical insurance or an Employee Assistance line you can call for telephone advice?

In the meantime;
Be kind to yourself, cook easy meals, rest as much as you can, try not to have too much caffeine “to keep you going”

It might be worth taking some multivitamins if you don’t already, Berocca is helping me at the moment!

I don’t know much about employment law & sick leave but any employer worth their salt should be taking people’s Mental Health seriously. Good luck x

Sorry for your loss OP. Can you book annual leave for a few days after New Year? Planning and shopping for food and cleaning a home ready for visitors is very stressful. Step back and look at what you do to make that easier. A cleaner for 2 hours? Siblings to go shopping with your list. One day in bed this weekend completely to yourself.
Good luck

Could you e-mail your manager and explain what is happening? Perhaps a solution would be to request some annual leave in January so that you have something to cling on too.

And I agree, you need to manage people's expectations and scale back Christmas this year.

Sorry to hear of your losses.

As someone else said, phone in sick with a bug. Try to avoid at all costs, blaming stress. It may well give you a bad reputation in the workplace. But only call sick if you know the days off will help and not make you feel more down.

If you power through and then feel worse, what happens then? Lots of love to you also, what a horrible year you have had x

Tell family that you are ill, that your doctor has ordered you to rest (which they hopefully will) and please, please cancel everything for Christmas. You will feel so much better after a three day complete rest. It might annoy people but they will cope. Long term, your kids need you not to go completely under and it sounds like this is your best opportunity to rest for a while.

You might have to power though work, but that means you absolutely can't also do Christmas.

any employer worth their salt should be taking people’s Mental Health seriously I do agree with this having mental health problems myself (ptsd and anxiety). However, it is difficult as a manager because I work in a 24/7 environment and you would be surprised how many people go off with stress for the 2 weeks over Christmas so it can be hard to tell the genuine cases from others. It puts more stress on others and means work over the Christmas period isn't shared so the ones left working have no time to relax at all. It also means people like me (single parent plus on call for when we inevitably get dumped in it) has hardly any time with my child and has to have backup childcare plans in place. Even then the 3rd backup plan has failed and I've had to take my son with me! I can't tell which of the 6 people are genuine and which aren't I'm afraid. Plus a month off out of 6 doesn't look too good sorry op.

Preempt the days off and tell family you need to rest

As PP said, probation is irrelevant. If you can risk your job, then take the time off sick. If you can't risk it, then your only option is to keep going and do everything you can to care of yourself - and that probably means saying no to catering for a family Christmas. You have been through so much.

The problem is that you have six months service and have already triggered the absence policy. A further absence would be sufficient reason to let you go. An absence over the Christmas period would just be too much.

I hope 2019 is a much better year for you

Op just wondered how you are doing today - I now this feeling of cannot cope any more too - you have been through a really tough year and is it any wonder you need some time out to deal with all that’s happened.

I think your workplace are bang out of order even more so currently as there is a big awareness going on about mental health in the workplace in schools etc - if you had broken your legs would they expect you to hobble in - of course not - but MH no you just carry on!

I know I suffer with depression - I had a breakdown 20 years ago probably escalated by work - started off feeling like you - then crying on way to work, crying at work, then physically couldn’t go in - eventually I was signed off sick for a year !

I hope you have gone to your GP and speak to ACAS re work situation - some say a month off in 6 does not look good - with what you have been through still going through I think that’s pretty admirable!

But please put your MH first - any decent employer would get this - not put more pressure on you

And spend time with your family at Xmas - this is what’s important especially now!

Do your work have an employee assistance program you could access? Worth checking and using it if they do.

Hey greenberet I did go in today but I'm taking tomorrow as compassionate leave and getting myself to the GP. Going to ask about something to help me sleep and maybe some other medication and counselling.

I'm going to request a meeting with my manager and will explain that I can't cope currently so maybe I could drop my hours for the short term. It makes more sense then me burning out and being off sick - something has to give really!