To think the grass is greener?

[Lettermethis]

I currently live in my hometown. It has some pretty bad memories; I feel I can't 'move on' from the past and focus on the future, like I'm stuck.

Trouble is, it's a great town with loads of benefits. But I don't have any ties here and luckily I have the means to move, it's just DH and I, and he doesn't mind.

So I'm considering moving away, for a fresh start to try and put the past behind me, even though the town suits my needs.

AIBU to think the grass will be greener if I move away? You guys are great & I wondered if anyone has an opinion.

People always say you can't run away from your problems. Ime they are very wrong and a bit of geographical distance can really help. Just be a little bit careful about where you move to.

It may not be helpful, bit i always look at it in a totally opposite way - home is home and it always be, so you idealise it and make it special. Grass is always green at home. But it is definitely greeer in other places if you really put your heart and mind to it

I think it's probably better to focus on going somewhere rather than getting away from somewhere. Don't move for the sake of it, do you actually have somewhere that you'd like to move to where you can find a home/work etc?

SexNotJenga thanks, I feel like distance might help. When you say be careful where you move to...? Anywhere to avoid?

@Ethel80 that's it - I've researched/visited/spent time in so many possible places! But none of them 'pull' me either.

No where feels like home.

I think moving could be great. You’ll find a whole new set of friends and a new area to explore. If you have no ties even better—you can go where you like. Travel a little and stay a night in a few places that seem like they might be a good fit. Just don’t do what my mum did and move 5000 miles away after her marriage broke down. She really shot herself in the foot and damaged a lot of family relationships needlessly.

I moved away from my hometown. The first few years were great, then my problems got worse and I realised the grass isn't greener. I've had some counselling and therapy since and feeling much more content now. Problems don't go away, wherever you are.

The grass is sometimes greener as it’s fertilised with manure, sometimes it’s greener as it really is better. Annoyingly you probably won’t know until you take the plunge, but if there’s nothing holding you back and your OH is on board- is there anywhere that takes your fancy? Could maybe spend a week there or something and see how you feel, might find yourself yearning for home.

Problems don't go away, wherever you are.

That's what I'm concerned about. I don't want to regret anything.

I do think location makes a difference. Especially since you are very likely to encounter people from the past if you stay. (You can also encounter them elsewhere, of course!)

Depending on what kind of bad memories you have, it may well make sense to move.

If you want to move, you don’t have to go far to make a fresh start. I left my home town and moved 5 miles away, not because of issuesbut becàuse my home town was unaffordable due to house prices. Turns out where I moved to was much nicer than my home town and we now love it! This way we keep in touch with people we like and ignore the rest! Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.

@HestiaParthenos

Depending on what kind of bad memories you have, it may well make sense to move.

Awful childhood (abuse), violent ex lives locally & toxic family member is nearby too, who I have very limited contact with.

Now I see everything written down, it's making more sense to go for it and move!

You guys are better (& cheaper...) than therapy. Thank you

I would love to be able to get away. I just don't have the courage to do it. That is down to one of the bad things which happened around here.
When you manage it can you come back and tell us all how it went. I bet there are a few who would like to do the same

My biggest regret is not moving away at 16.

I think staying has held me back. My DD talked about emigrating and I half hoped that she would, so I'd have no ties to keep me were I am.

I've moved round quite a bit. What I've learned is that if you move to somewhere for positive reasons, it can work out well. But if you move from somewhere for negative reasons, it doesn't work. Same shit, different place.