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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how should I handle this?

16 replies

upsetmother6 · 17/12/2018 18:14

I got a phone call today from my sons head of year (he's 15 in Y10) saying he has been put in isolation. He was overheard by his form teacher saying to his friend "you can smell a Jew from a mile away". Obviously I am utterly horrified and I have removed his PlayStation, restricted his phone apps etc.

We have discussed this at length and he is saying he didn't realise how awful it was when he said it. He was involved in a type of one upmanship banter.

He is very sorry and remorseful. The question is where do I go from here? I am worried about his lack of judgment on the matter, his flippant use if the phrase and about his attitude to the Jewish community, possibly other communities aswell.

I currently have him sat at the dining table writing me an essay about Jews and Judaism from Wikipedia (I have been clear that he cannot paraphrase) but I am unsure what my next move should be?

I would like to point out that myself and my husband don't have any views like this and we never say anything at home that support this prejudice or any others.

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 17/12/2018 18:16

I think you've done plenty and presumably you've told him you agree with the school punishing him for it too.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 17/12/2018 18:20

If he now understands why he's in so much trouble and is genuinely sorry then you've done enough for now, just make sure it's sunk in and he won't do it again.

ThanosSavedMe · 17/12/2018 18:23

Have you asked him what on earth made him say that? It must be something he’s picked up from somewhere, I’d want to know where

Glad you and the school have taken it seriously

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2018 18:23

I think you've done everything exactly right and the punishment is sufficient and appropriate. Your son is not a terrible, racist person. He's a 15 year old child who said something monumentally stupid and thoughtless, but I think it's clear he's had a major wake-up call.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2018 18:29

I think your next move should be to have another conversation about prejudice and also how his own reputation can be tarnished forever by things he says. Words cannot be taken back, and many people upon hearing such hateful things would never look at him the same way again. In their mind, he would forever be a deplorable racist, and nothing he could say would undo the damage. Also impress upon him the heartbreak and damage he could inflict upon someone hearing these terrible statements. After that, it's time to tell him although you are extremely disappointed in his actions, you still love him. Then you all move on.

Original poster
upsetmother6 · 17/12/2018 18:40

Absolutely I have told them I 100% agree with the isolation. What I am worrying about the fact that he said it I begin with. I'm worried that he has these views and he thinks like this.

OP posts:
MirandaGoshawk · 17/12/2018 18:43

I agree with Aquamarine.

PoptartPoptart · 17/12/2018 18:47

You say he is remorseful and didn’t realise how awful it was when he said it so it sounds to me that it is something he’s heard at school or somewhere else and he genuinely didn’t realise what he was saying.
I think what you and the school have done in terms of punishment is enough. As long as he now understands why what he said was so wrong then I’d draw a line under it now.

Dodgepodge · 17/12/2018 18:48

Most likely he didn't realise the impact of what he said? He's only 15. Thank God he said it in person and not on Twitter where it'd haunt him.

I'd be tempted in a bit of further education rather than punishment - show him examples of where statements and thoughts like that lead. Auschwitz would be a great place to start.

StoneofDestiny · 17/12/2018 18:50

Is he studying history at GCSE - perhaps the rise of the Nazi party?

00100001 · 17/12/2018 18:50

well, you said yourself... he doesn't hold these views, as he claimed not to know what it meant, and is remorseful... so why keep going on about it?

UtterlyDesperate · 17/12/2018 18:57

He's 15, not 5- how could he not realise how racist, bigoted and deeply offensive this is? "Banter" is an excuse, frankly.

I'd also be wanting to know where he got this from - it's quite a specific statement.

Original poster
upsetmother6 · 17/12/2018 19:30

Dodge yes that is what I am going to do I think, I might also find some examples of where people have been prosecuted to maybe get him to understand the seriousness of the situation.

OP posts:
EnglishRose13 · 17/12/2018 19:33

Trip to Auschwitz?

StoneofDestiny · 17/12/2018 20:29

It's about educating ignorance rather than instilling fear of punishment. That will make him a better person and better able to challenge the ignorance and prejudice of others.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 20:35

make him watch a couple of documentaries about the rise of anti-semitism and the Holocaust.

Make him watch a documentary - or read a book - about life in Israel today and what it means to be 15 with that past and still stuck in a war.

It's not the end of the world for a kid to say something stupid, it's great if it makes one more person be aware of current affairs.

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