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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To allow my 3 year old to have a "tv day"?

52 replies

Zara85 · 17/12/2018 16:14

We are busy all the time, he goes to nursery 3 full days (7.30am -6pm). Then examples of a typical week for us...
Monday -friends over in the morning/ toddler group afternoon
Tuesday Weds Thurs- nursery
Friday - dance group morning/ meet my mum for lunch and shopping afternoon with the dc
Saturday - out as a family with baby and dh, somewhere like a garden centre or soft play or park, lunch then usually visit friends or family.
Sunday - tv day. Me and dh use this day to clean the house, cook a Sunday dinner, cook meals for in the week. We may take ds for a bike ride for an hour or so or he likes to come food shopping too. But on the whole most of his Sundays he'll just crash on the sofa and watch telly for most of the day! Is this really bad? He's normally whacked by a Sunday but he loves to go out and be busy, so he really enjoys his week days too.
Only on reading mn did I realise that so many don't allow tv at all, or maybe 30 mins a day Blush

OP posts:
HestiaParthenos · 17/12/2018 17:24

Eh, first thing I remember watching was Lucky Luke, I think that might have frightened me at 2 years old!
They cater a lot more to small children than they used to, I suppose.

Considering that you can't really watch everything you let your child watch yourself beforehand, I would prefer other forms of entertainment where possible.

The only thing that I would think is whether he’s getting time to potter about at home? Maybe you’re a bit booked up!

I would definitely want to know whether he can play quietly on his own.
Getting used to constant stimulation isn't exactly ideal - even though adults now have smartphones so there's not much danger of having to deal with boredom.

Still an useful skill, though.

LimitIsUp · 17/12/2018 18:04

"You are basically switching his brain off for hours at a time"

Eh?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 17/12/2018 18:11

Don’t give it another thought. I had a TV-watching toddler who is now a strapping 20 yr old. He’s incredibly sociable, takes an interest in current affairs, is doing very well at Uni, has a ton of friends, is loving and kind, doesn’t smoke or drink and is an all round generally great guy. And he watched ALOT of TV growing up.
Let your DS chill out in front of the gogglebox on Sundays. Sounds like he has a lot on the rest of the week.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 17/12/2018 18:17

Mine doesn't watch TV - she watches DVDs of stuff I watched as a child (Bagpuss, Mr Benn, Pigeon Street) and some slightly newer stuff (Charlie and Lola, Meg and Mog), mostly good stuff that fires the imagination and contains high-quality language. And YouTube episodes of a German programme specifically aimed at her age group and In the Night Garden before bed. It's still a bit more than I'd like and still more than her older brothers ever had at her age, but it doesn't seem to be having any detrimental effects. Her language is developing exponentially.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 18:26

I wouldn't let mine on the tv that much, I would much prefer they play.

If they never have a chance to be bored, they have no incentive to start playing. What would he do if you had no tv in the house and chores to do?

TV day in my house is only for days when I need it, usually when I am sick and the only adult. When I had the flu with 2 little ones, they spent several days watching tv, and that was a god send.

Cleaning is actually banned in my house over the weekend, they are supposed to be family time, not days when you put the family aside to dust or mop. If you know you don't clean at the weekend, you find the time during the week, and I do work full time.

It's up to you, but that wouldn't be my personal choice. I organise chores around the family, not the family around chores, it's about priorities.

Original poster
Zara85 · 17/12/2018 18:33

@Thentherewascake i could easily do my chores another day or in the evening (i already do, but theres always stuff to be done with 2 little ones at home and dh working long hours in the week).
The point is more that he wants and needs a day to chill but to him, he'd rather chill in front of the tv as opposed to playing with toys

OP posts:
Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 18:46

I still wouldn't let him all day in front of the tv, and would rather chill as a family.

I feel awful if I spend an entire afternoon in front of the tv, sluggish, sleepy, headachy. Not something I would recommend for my own kids unless they are ill and comatose (not literally). Mine are like puppies anyway, they need to go running around every day anyway.

You did ask, and my own view is that it's too much, tv is a waste of time anyway, and that I wouldn't have a scheduled full day of tv a week.

rootsandbranches · 17/12/2018 19:34

It's not awful on balance and we all do what we have to do to get through but there doesn't seem to be a space where he plays duplo or cars or draws etc on his own. Nursery is very full on interacting with other children and when home other days you seem to have visitors / toddlers so it may be nice for him to play alone or with you. Just a suggestion absolutely not judging he's clearly well cared for and stimulated as I say we all do it differently.

BiscuitDrama · 17/12/2018 19:36

I’m sure he'd rather watch tv, but children don’t always want what’s best for them.

rootsandbranches · 17/12/2018 19:40

I see he loves to dance could he watch / join I with some nursery rhyme dance dvds? Mine loved dancing withBarney and the wiggles and the singing kettle. Guilt free tv time

oblada · 17/12/2018 19:45

I agree with others - it seems a lot for that age. I'm sure if u turn off the TV he'll soon turn to his toys.

My kids do not watch any TV during the week (but we are working FT so only home for 2hrs before bedtime at most and then a couple of hours in the morning) so they will watch at the week-ends but when i say watching i mean they will watch a full movie either Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Sometimes it's a long movie (musical style so 3hours) but that's it.

I've found that when they used to watch say 30mins of TV in the morning or in their evening their behaviour was quite poor afterwards.
I used to put the TV on in the morning to allow me to finish cleaning/get ready etc but because of the behaviour mentioned i stopped completely and within a week or so they adjusted and now every morning they have about 30mins to an hour of play time and they love it.

They are 7, 4 and 2 and they play really well (most of the time..) in the morning together.

Summerisdone · 17/12/2018 20:14

YANBU, well at least imo, but then again my DS(4) has a TV day most Sundays too, and occasionally also on a Tuesday if I'm too skint to go out, and when we do go out on a Tuesday it's often to the cinema Grin

pantyclaws · 17/12/2018 20:14

If they never have a chance to be bored, they have no incentive to start playing.

Exactly.

He probably wants to go out/ follow you demanding entertainment all the time as he's got used to constant external stimulation. Sounds like he could do with some boredom time. He'll resist at first of course.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 17/12/2018 20:18

Show him how to play, play with him, and let him learn to play on his own while you cook or whatever

Roomba · 17/12/2018 20:19

Everyone needs some downtime to chill/watch tv/play quietly. Especially kids with hectic schedules. I used to try and get my kids out of the house on Sundays to get fresh air/fun/educational activities/exercise. But I realised they are mentally knackered after a full on week of school (nursery before) and activity groups on Saturdays. They benefit from flopping and relaxing a bit too. And I can get stuff done.

nolongersurprised · 17/12/2018 20:36

A movie on a Sunday afternoon sounds lovely but most of the day seems a bit much, IMO.

It is important that they get bored and then learn to play by themselves, even if only so you don’t need to keep up the trend of constant entertainment through childhood.

bluebellsparklypants · 19/12/2018 12:24

However I have noticed that when she watches a lot of TV I get more tantrums from her than when we have done something else.

I can so relate to this comment
That said abit of relaxing time never hurt, my DS loves pottering with toysand I do put tv on if his not in to it he’l get up and find a toy

Happilyacceptingcookies · 20/12/2018 06:55

Thanks for agreeing bluebellsparklypants

What helps with the tantrums is trying DD that she can watch Bing and then Numberblocks, and then the TV is going off. So she knows if she kicks off in that time she is wasting her TV time!

I find that if there has been more than about 2 hours of TV nonstop DD is so engrossed she will have an accident and a huge tantrum when the TV goes off.

Happilyacceptingcookies · 20/12/2018 06:56

Telling not trying*

And yes, you're right. As soon as a toy is picked up it can be used as a bargaining tool as TV usually not being watched at the same time!

Bouchie · 20/12/2018 07:05

Tv is good for a bit but he really needs some proper downtime. Playing and pottering. They forget how to play alone if they are constantly stimulated or busy.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 20/12/2018 07:05

I think it's nice for him to have a quiet day at home after what sounds like a very packed week but it does seem like a lot of TV. I get bored of TV after an hour personally.

IAmMumWho · 20/12/2018 07:06

If your talking about your 3 year old Ot depends how long he's glued to the box for. An hour or two perhaps yes fine but if your saying ALL day which in my eyes in 8-10 hours a day then that's way too much screen time. My kids are 4 and they have an hour max a week. There's always something for themselves to keep them occupied. Get the toys out, arts n crafts. Get your older child to play with little child while your cooking. Doesn't take both of the parents to do the housework. Alternate it, one Sunday you cook m clean the Sunday after your DH does it. I'm sure the kidsll want your attention still.

IceRebel · 20/12/2018 07:56

He probably wants to go out/ follow you demanding entertainment all the time as he's got used to constant external stimulation

I agree with this. I can't see anywhere in his week when he can just sit and play with his toys, colour or play with playdoh etc. Even as adults we need time to relax and get away from screens. Perhaps this Sunday you can set up some of his toys instead of TV time.

masterandmargarita · 20/12/2018 08:27

Most kids would stare at the tv if it was on rather than play with their toys. Just turn it off. He's already addicted. Put loads of pens and paper out or something. Get him back into the habit of doing other stuff and playing with toys.

DinoGreen · 20/12/2018 09:14

My 2 nearly 3 year old DS watches a fair bit of TV. He’s in nursery 4 days a week, out the house 7.30am - 6.30pm. So I don’t mind him having downtime with TV on his days off. He does play as well though - he might watch TV for an hour, play for an hour, then some more TV if we’re not out and about.

I do try to limit it as well because he has a habit of getting totally glued to the TV and forgetting to go to the toilet!! Hardly ever has accidents outside the house now but can guarantee he’ll have one if I leave him watching TV for too long.