AIBU to be slightly sad re nativity play?

[Ironfloor269]

DD's school do a joint nativity play with year 3 & 4. They had auditions a few weeks ago for thr main, meaty roles. DD was very excited, rehearsed her lines at home. She didn't get selected. Not surprising, as she is one of the very quiet girls and there are other girls who are much better on stage anyway. So it's totally reasonable that they should get the main roles.

Then they asked the children who wanted minor roles (I.e. dancers, non speaking roles) to put their hands up, a few days after the main auditions. DD put her hand up. She didn't get any of those roles either. However, some of the girls who are as quiet as DD AND who didn't even audition, got these roles. DD is now a background singer. So no costume or anything.

I'm a bit sad as I feel her enthusiasm child have been rewarded by giving a minor, non speaking role. Just a costume and stand somewhere would have made her happy. She is gutted because she feels that her friends, who were not even interested enough to audition in the first place, got parts. DD is the only girl who auditioned and didn't get a part.

I'm entirely happy to be told that IABU. I know this is an extremely busy time for the teachers and they have a lot on their plates. I appreciate that this might have been an oversight. This is not the first time she got overlooked because of her quietness.

Thanks for reading. I'm just venting, I guess. It just makes me a bit sad.

That’s sad, how hard can it be to include everyone who auditions.

I believe that you should always stick up for your child. I think that those kids and parents who are nice and quiet get taken advantage of, so yes, I think you should have a quiet, pleasant but blunt word with the teacher explaining exactly how your DD is feeling. Give them a chance to put it right.
A tip for the future: my DD used to offer to take someone's place if she was just a background singer or whatever, and they weren't in school or not at the rehearsal (she knew all the lines in a way that only primary aged kids can do), and they started to realise how keen and capable she was - i.e. teach your DD to push herself forward a bit.

A school I have worked in had complaints when the same, most outgoing children got all the parts. Now every child gets a line of some sort, though obviously some parts are more important and significant than others which I think works perfectly.

The teacher is very unlikely to have meant any malice by it or to have even realised (they must be run off their feet). There's no harm in letting them know it a non-blamey way though - something like:

"Just a heads up that DD has been feeling quite down and tearful as she seems to be the only child that auditioned for a nativity part but didn't get one. She said a few of her friends who didn't audition even got parts and it seems to really have knocked her confidence. Thought I'd better just let you know in case she gets upset about it at school"

Your poor dd must be very upset that despite auditioning she was given no role, especially when other children who had no interest in auditioning, were given a role.

I was a very shy but well spoken child, I never had parts in any school shows. My dd is very different, she has a wonderful stage presence and a beautiful singing voice. However, her school is small and makes sure that every child, (even the quiet children) has a role to play and that their talents are showcased. (Often that means children showing art pieces they have made and talking about them, or playing the violin they have been learning, or talking about computers. Then they all come together to sing)In a bigger school, there is every chance that dd would be one of the frequently chosen children. Which dd would love! But I love that every child is celebrated in my dd’s School, not just those children who have talents in that area. Every child is encouraged and celebrated for who they are!

In fact, I am off to my dd’s Christmas play tonight! Apparently there are more violins this year, so wish me luck!

Thank you everyone for taking time to reply. Doing dinner now but will be back to reply in detail.

I'm back. So, after giving it some thought and discussing with DH, I've decided to mention it to DD's teacher at the next parents' evening. This way, hopefully, it'll be more constructive and not just a complaint.

I completely agree with those of you who say that disappointments are as important a life lesson as maths or English. And hopefully, we've given DD the tools to deals with them.

The thing with DD is, although she is shy and quiet, she tries hard to put herself out there and volunteer for stuff. So deep down, these things are important to her. I don't want disappointment like these to kill her spirit iykwim.

To be fair, although her shyness gets in the way, DD's teacher does encourage her to come out of her shell. She has been chosen to the pupil parliament and awarded star of the week etc. These things have made DD indescribably happy, bless her.

Thank you all for helping me to gather my thoughts and put things into perspective. It really helps and I appreciate it very much.