To feel railroaded into arrangement for Xmas 2019

[Stopmeifyouveheardthisonebefor]

Background. Myself, DH and teenage DC always spend xmas with ILs who live locally to us (they come to us). My elderly DF and SM live a 2 hour drive away from us and spend xmas with SM’s family who live locally to them. Me, DH and DC visit DF/SM and family for a pre xmas get together, most often the middle weekend of December. This generally seems to work for everyone.

A second xmas routine has also emerged where me, DH, DC, PIL, SIL and SIL’s DP all spend an early December weekend at a holiday complex resort (UK 1.5 hours away) where PIL have a time share. There are certain weekends of the year where the resort has “points free” weekends and so it is feasible for PIL to book 2 houses. This is obviously very generous of them although because of the December timing there is inevitably something else that has to be missed, etc.

My issue is that on Friday whilst being very busy with various stuff and not really being able to think anything through I got a text from DH saying that PIL needed to book the 2019 pre xmas weekend already and early December wasn’t available as a ”points free date” only the mid-13th-15th December 2019 weekend, which is nearly always the visiting my family weekend. I replied to DH saying “difficult to say no but really not convenient”, then got a text from MIL saying she needed an immediate decision or would lose the slot. I really didn’t have a moment right them (at work) to think/reply and then got further text from DH saying he had yes to date.

I mulled over and said to DH yesterday that I felt annoyed that we had been railroaded into committing to spending all of a prime 2019 pre xmas weekend with PIL a year in advance and that it could lead to awkwardness with my family (i.e. we already spend xmas with ILs and now are spending our usual pre xmas visiting weekend with ILs also.) DH completely did not get the point and said if it came to it I could go and visit my DF on my own and him and the DC could go on weekend away!

AIBU to be annoyed or am I being petty?

YANBU to be annoyed.

DH completely did not get the point and said if it came to it I could go and visit my DF on my own and him and the DC could go on weekend away!

So it's possible that DH's parents will see DC for 2 x weekend and your parents will see DC a big fat zero times.

Why does DH assume DS will go with him?

Why can't you go on one of the other weekends in December. There really is little difference between the 15th and 16th and the 8th and 9th and 22nd and 23rd.

In your situation I would go to my own parents. Teenagers are usually old enough to be given the choice of which trip they want to go on, so if either or both wanted to come with me then they could. If they both wanted to go with DH then I think I would be OK with that too.

I personally never like being railroaded into things and can react badly to it because I feel cornered.