So, looking for some impartial advice on this situation. This past week my mum and stepdad came to stay for her birthday which is 1 day before my daughters birthday (her first this year).
I took the day off work on my mum's birthday and we went for lunch (my stepdad paid), I then spent most of the rest of the day doing chores including making a birthday cake for my daughter. In the afternoon my mum makes a jokey comment about not getting her birthday card yet to which I replied that yes she would be getting one.
Fast forward to the evening, we put my daughter to bed and I then open champagne and give my mum her cards and gifts which were a basket of flowers and some small plant pots with the letters MUM on them. Granted these are not expensive gifts (c. £45 total) but I thought they were quite nice. This year my mum had also made a point of saying that she wasn't really into lots of material gifts at Christmas as everyone buys too much.
10 minutes later in the kitchen my mum basically accuses me of never getting her a birthday present and tells me I only ever send her flowers on her birthday and she hasn't had a birthday present from me for years. She turned 75 this year and clearly expected more. The previous year I was in labour on her birthday so I admit that it passed me by somewhat although I did send her some flowers. In previous years given we don't always see each other on her birthday I have arranged to have flowers delivered to her and perhaps a small gift, and on a number of occasions I have then treated her and my stepdad to quite expensive voucher experiences for xmas plus other gifts. My mum said she doesn't consider a bunch of flowers a gift and for my birthday she gave me flowers and also £100 for me and my husband to go out for dinner. I asked her then if gave her a cheque for £100 back for her birthday would that be acceptable and she said yes. This to be honest makes me think that it's about the amount spent, which in her eyes is not enough on her. I also think it's a bit strange to give money to your parents?
I'll be honest when this came up I pretty much lost it because it is one of a number of little "digs" she has had at me in recent years to try and make me feel guilty about things, and we had a big argument about it. We made up, but thinking about it now I don't really feel I can let this go and forget about it.
Is it ever reasonable to turn round to someone and say that they are not buying you nice enough / expensive enough gifts?!?!?! Am I being unreasonable in being angry that she has brought this up??
I would always think that it's the thought that counts and I feel she is being very ungrateful for the thought I have put and things I have bought over the years. I also feel that as a parent you should think carefully about making such hurtful comments!!