Furry visitors

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

We love dogs and have two of our own - but when invited out to someone’s house for lunch/ dinner would not dream of bringing them with us or even asking to bring them with us.

Increasingly however when we invite friends over they say they will have to bring their dogs (not if they live round the corner obviously but friends who live an hour or so’s drive away). It makes it so difficult - some of these people have two dogs and we have two and having four dogs in an enclosed space (mid winter so can’t chuck them all out in the garden) is a recipe for disaster.

Dogs are territorial and it just never works, creates huge stress and mucks up what should be a relaxing afternoon/ evening as everyone is engaged in trying to keep the dogs calm.

I understand people don’t want to be parted from their pets but surely it’s kinder to leave them at home for an evening listening to Radio 2, or watching Strictly, nice and warm in their beds rather than dragging them out on a cold day, long car journey to spend a stressful afternoon/ evening trying to negotiate other dogs’ territorial space.

I think some relatives of my partner were offended recently when I gently suggested it probably wasn’t a wise idea to bring their (enormous) dogs when they came for the afternoon as they don’t get on with our dogs. I just don’t get it - I love my dogs but would never take them to someone else’s home especially the hosts had their own dogs.

Genuine question as I didn’t grow up with dogs. Am I a horrible person? AIBU to ask that you don’t bring your dogs with you when you visit or should I just suck it up?

YANBU to ask that they don't bring them but equally they are NBU to say they can't come because of that.

The problem is that you can't leave a dog for too many hours (I'd say not more than 4 hours and pref not even that though I guess if there are 2+ then they have company, it's just the need to go outside) and if they've an hour's drive to you and the same back then they have less time at yours...
But I totally get your point.

I’ve never asked to take my dogs with me when invited. On the rare occasions when I have had a very young puppy I have declined the invitation or DH and the DCs went while I stayed at home, so YANBU.

I have one worse for you...woman we know very casually overhears DH making arrangements for our friends to come over for lunch the next day and invite some herself over. Turns up with her dog which she plans to leave in the car. We live on a farm so the parking is safe but our dogs would go ballistic barking and jumping up at the car.

So I suggest she lets her dog out. Our dogs are fine with other dogs, e.g. one of our builders comes with his dog, the farrier comes with his dog, my dressage trainer comes with her dog - all fine, but we do have a lot of space and the dogs are used to canine visitors. The woman is very reluctant, finally opens the door, her dog is a bit shy but all good and she is frozen with fear that her dog will be mauled to death. I ended up having to put our dogs away so her dog could be out without her having a heart attack!

We have cats and DH's family think I'm being precious and rude not wanting PILs' dog visiting. It bites children, isn't house trained, barks a lot and chases the cats. Last time FIL came up he brought the dog (despite being specifically asked not to) and asked me if I couldn't ask a neighbour to have it for a couple of hours. He said 'well, what do you expect me to do with him, then?'. THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!

You can say no if they ask to bring them, but equally they aren't being unreasonable if they don't want to come if they can't bring them.

You can say no if they ask to bring them, but equally they aren't being unreasonable if they don't want to come if they can't bring them

Yes I get that totally and I've suggested we go to them instead (without our dogs as we would make provision for them at home/ get a local dog walker to come over, let them out etc.) but they've taken it as a personal affront as if I don't like their dogs - which i actually do. It's the getting the hump about it I don't get.

He said 'well, what do you expect me to do with him, then?'. THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!

Exactly! My ex parents in law were like this and my exH (their son) was terribly allergic to dogs to the point it would leave him really sick for days afterwards (we didn't have dogs then for that reason) yet they insisted on bringing their dog when they visited and would be offended if we asked them not to and used those exact words "well what do you expect us to do with her?" Couldn't get my head around it.

I would never expect to bring my dog to someone else's house unless they explicitly offered. In fact I have paid out for kennels/day care if the trip is longer than 8 hours.

What do they do when they are at work, or going out to somewhere that doesn't allow dogs?

Lifelong dog owner and lover - They are unreasonable.

I would never expect to bring my dog to someone else's house unless they explicitly offered. In fact I have paid out for kennels/day care if the trip is longer than 8 hours

Thank you! yes this is what I would do. Glad it's not just me - thought I must be BU as I seem to have really offended this person but after reading the responses on here I think may be not.