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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just get the f*ck on with it!!! AIBU?!

60 replies

applesisapple5 · 17/12/2018 08:17

Some people DH need the perfect conditions to get something started. Solitude, silence, a slight southwesterly breeze...
My method is to get as much done even if you only have two minutes. Then it's done! Chop onions and sling in the freezer while tea is brewing, change the bedsheet even if the duvet waits til later, put things in the Asda online shop as they run out rather than having to remember, that sort of thing.

I drive him mad, he drives me mad, AIBU and what do I dooooooo?

OP posts:
Chanelprincess · 17/12/2018 10:01

From your examples, your approach looks like it might lead to inefficiency e.g. wasting time logging in and out to add things to your shop when you should easily be able to remember everything to do one single shop. It would probably annoy me if I could see a better way to do things.

ememem84 · 17/12/2018 10:03

I’m like you. I just do. Dh needs a specific time - the classic is “at the weekend” “it’s a weekend job” I’ve taken to asking which weekend. As things never get done.

On Saturday I asked him while I was out to have a quick tidy up before dparents came. He cleaned the microwave (which was dirty). But didn’t hoover floors put things away clear table or wash up.

LakieLady · 17/12/2018 10:04

I'm the same op, can't stand there waiting til kettle boils, when I could be wiping surfaces at the same time.

If I did that, I wouldn't know that we have a robin nesting in the hedge, that he appears to share the hedge with a huge number of sparrows, that goldfinches are frequent visitors to our garden or that we have the fattest pair of woodpigeons in the history of the universe nesting in the hazel tree.

"What is this life, if full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare" ...

Life's too short to fill it with chores.

MissRhubarb · 17/12/2018 10:09

My DP is like you OP. I wish I was more like that - I try to be and manage to have small bursts of it, but my default setting seems to be faffing, procrastination and list making. My internal monologue is usually annoyed with myself (and a bit sweary), "just take the f**ing recycling out now FFS". I marvel at how many things DP can get done in a short space of time by multi-tasking.

The only things I can think of at all that I seem to be "better" at with my (lack-of) method are things like homework with the kids, reading with them or doing crafts and things - anything that requires a stretch of uninterrupted time where you can't be distracted as the other person wants your whole attention. DP can't stand helping the kids with homework for example, as he wants to be getting on with multiple things at once to get them done. He also admits himself that he has trouble relaxing, sitting still and just "being" without something to occupy himself.

If I could choose I'd like to be a do-stuff-now person or at least a balance somewhere between the two.

Cath2907 · 17/12/2018 10:14

I went with LTB - feels great!

Helmetbymidnight · 17/12/2018 10:16

Why do it now when you can do it later?

ravencaw · 17/12/2018 10:20

YANBU. DH has tomorrow booked off work to buy my present. 1 present. He will do it 'properly'. Meanwhile I bought 9 gifts whilst brushing my teeth this morning as I 56 to buy. FFS.

jxnx · 17/12/2018 10:24

"Oh I was just about to do that/do you need any help?" as you are in the penultimate second of the said chores get out jail free card because you know they were going to do it but can't now as it's done and obviously that's my problem grrrrrrrr

MiraculousMarinette · 17/12/2018 10:26

@Cath2907 me too! Best hing ever! Grin

Expatworkingmum · 17/12/2018 10:33

@intentsandporpoises - I think we must be married to the same man!

SalemBlackCat4 · 17/12/2018 10:41

I think it's about multitasking. Women tend to better at it, where as men are so of more linear in their thinking and don't seem to be able to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.

SalemBlackCat4 · 17/12/2018 10:42

@RangeRider Do you really change the duvet cover every single time you change the sheets? We change the sheets every week, and I cannot imagine changing a duvet cover or washing blankets every week. If you have a top sheet, surely the cover shouldn't be that dirty?

abacucat · 17/12/2018 10:47

If you each have your own jobs and he does his, then don't worry about it. If this is an excuse to leave most of the housework to you, then that is different.

BeanTownNancy · 17/12/2018 10:53

@jxnx

Every fucking time! I'll be halfway up the stairs (pregnant so waddling) to deal with the toddler or holding the last handful of washing which needs hanging on the airer and I'll hear "oh, do you want me to help?" from the sofa.
Geer.

My husband always tells me to stop doing things at the moment, and says "we'll do it after dinner". Will we fuck, I'll just end up doing it myself before bed, when I could have done it right now while I'm waiting for the microwave to ping.

diddl · 17/12/2018 10:55

I don't quite get the point of chopping an onion for the freezer.

Why not just chop one when needed?

Cagliostro · 17/12/2018 11:01

I’m like your husband but I wish I was more like you! Perfectionism is paralysing for me.

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 17/12/2018 11:04

Could not agree more.

Thentherewascake · 17/12/2018 11:14

both your DH and you would drive me crazy OP Grin

if things need to be done, I need them done now - or as soon as possible - instead of wasting time remembering that they have to be done.

but I am teaching my children to finish what they start! Or at least finish one stage. If you paint a room, finish cleaning it or filling the holes before you leave, finish to paint 1 entire wall. Half-finish jobs would drive me insane, you never know where you are at.

howabout · 17/12/2018 11:18

If you're going to chop onions for the freezer why not just buy them ready chopped and frozen? - More efficient, cheaper, less waste.

goingonabearhunt1 · 17/12/2018 11:26

I think I'm between the 2; I never prep food in advance, I just cook simple meals when I'm cooking them IYSIM. I do buys bits and bobs as I go along though (cards, presents, household supplies etc.) and clean bits while I'm waiting for stuff (wipe taps while brushing teeth, sides while boiling kettle etc.) I'd hate having to a do a 'big clean' of the whole house for example, much rather do a basic amount of cleaning so it never got into a really bad state.

starkid · 17/12/2018 11:33

You sound a bit overwhelming for me!

Original poster
applesisapple5 · 17/12/2018 11:48

Will look into buying chopped onions! I have a 7 mo who gets v clingy as soon as I am cooking, so having prepped vegetables is the difference between eating an actual meal or eating plain scrambled egg!

Sheets touching the duvet cover?! They're not autoclaved!

OP posts:
Original poster
applesisapple5 · 17/12/2018 11:50

@beartownnancy even worse DH will say 'oh don't put the washing out now love just have a rest' but what he really means is 'don't do it now, just leave it for later when you're ready for bed and really tired and it's really annoying for you'

OP posts:
Roomba · 17/12/2018 11:58

My ex used to drive me insane waiting for the perfect moment for all correct conditions before doing DIY or, well, anything! He'd swear he'd do DIY jobs but he just needed to do or sort x first. He'd get pissed off when I just did it on half an hour several months later!

That said, my sister is one of those people who does ten things at once while the kettle boils and its exhausting just watching her. She is so full of nervous tension I feel anxious around her sometimes! So there's a happy medium.

Aaaahfuck · 17/12/2018 12:00

I know what you mean. My partner does load at home. Probably more than me so I shouldn't complain. But he will sit down to do life admin stuff on the laptop as part of our getting stuff done time. For example on a Saturday morning. Where as I do all that stuff in front of the TV /podcast on an evening. Your example of present buying is so true!!