Nc, obviously. Together 18 years, he took on my toddler from an abusive (drugs and violent) husband. Much more story there, involving me trying to be right in letting EXH see then 2yo daughter, supervised, SS allowed unsupervised, at a halfway house, with EXH openly doing drugs. So I stopped all access.
2 years later, we tried again, same. Only EXH left DD with druggies while he went our to score. I stopped any access, despite SS.
I will add that previous to going, I had been beaten black n blue, and tried to go a few times. I did actually have an emergency fund, with Abbey National a long with a joint account. He found my own account and managed to empty it. I fought for years after but got nowhere with the bank. He also managed to empty my new bank after the split, despite security on it, as he had my passport.
Sorry for the.length, just trying not to drip feed. Fast forward, my eldest is 18, youngest 13, present H child.
Life has been bloody tough for years, kids always first, but finally we are doing ok. After years of working ourselves into the ground, we have our own business. Doing ok. So eldest turns. Physically attacked me. Accused.me.of stopping her from seeing her Dad..
I've NEVER slagged him.off, and actually about 18 months ago, heard a rumour that he had died (He was/is a massive heroin user). I immediately moved heaven and earth to get her back in touch. I had tried when she was about 15 but he either didn't want to know or ignored.
She's been in touch since, and that's fine by me, and H, but we don't want to know any details.
2 months ago, she caused a massive row between me and H, accusing me of shagging a friend we had put up in our caravan. Total bollocks, and I tried to walk away but she then dragged.my 13yo out of bed and into our car at 3am, and told H he drove or she did. (She is a L but ready for test, not that it makes a difference).
Husband started car, BIG MISTAKE, and I walked over, got keys, walked inside and told H to grow the F up.
Not known to me, 18yo had HER keys. Youngest had come inside, eldest dragged her back out, and I was held back by "friend". Eldest drove, husband in passenger seat, pissed, youngest against her will on back, "froend" physically restraining me as I'm going ape.
Left it an hour, calling all phones, called cops. H bought kids home, and i told him to take eldest and gimself away to give me space, which he did. . and since then I do not know how I feel against who, and why. So much to unpack. Since then, eldest has been in my rented house, but is taking 100 quid of my Dad a week to stay there. She will not admit physically attacking me, which went on for almost 20 mins. My H basically stayed there for 10 days and just nodded at her so now she knows she can manipulate.
I am at a total loss. The marriage was hobbling along before but this time H allowed my eldest to abuse me via any means possible, he didn't feel able to say stop. Fair enough, never had this before, he's always been fair. She turned 18 and thinks she knows it all...And she's had loads of leeway. We sent over cash for her credit card last week, she spent it. I pay her rent weekly, all bills, it's actually MY house via tenancy.
She knows I won't throw her out, and she's happy to ask Grandad for cash. I tried to cut her phone off, that I pay for, and I had Dad on the phone at me with grief. I can't win.
She is sitting pretty, and knows it. My H has enabled this, and condoned drink driving , and both were reported. My H and I have a business together . It's in my name but I cannot physically do all the hours, though I did, half killing myself for the 2 weeks he spent away, just to prove I can.
He is begging for forgiveness, I can't forgive drink driving, let alone with 13yo.
I'm trapped. I either give up the business, cos I can't run it alone. Or just piddle along and pretend. Benefits not an option, SE over a year. And although I can get the relevant qualifications quickly, I cannot physically do 16 hrs daily. Alone.
Sorry, so confused on work, family, all of it. Such a mess.