To think this is spoilt rotten behaviour for a 5 year old

[lindoee]

My son has just turned 5 and to be fair he is generally a very good boy. He's happy and normally well behaved.

Recently I've been worrying that he has too many toys as toys that I would have loved as a child he doesn't seem that excited by. I thought maybe it's just the modern way of life.

Today I was upset by something he did.

A friend of mine knows my son loves space and so when he came to visit he brought him a space buggy with a mini figure in. He had made the space buggy himself with bits of Lego. He had clearly taken quite a bit of work making it and I was very touched.

When my son returned from being at his dads I gave him the space buggy. He liked the mini figure astronaut but then looked at the space buggy, declared that he 'didn't like the design' and literally threw it on the ground breaking it. He said he broke it as he didn't like it and didn't want to have to look at it. He then took the astronaut figure and played with his space shuttle.

His Dad said it's normal for a child. The buggy was a bit simple and that he liked the mini figure. I was actually disgusted and thought this behaviour was so spoilt and unacceptable.

I grew up in poverty so maybe my opinion is a little harsh but there's no way I'd have done anything like that at my sons age.

AIBU to think this behaviour is acting spoilt☺️?

Lego is designed to be "broken"
It s not a good example is it?
Was he supposed to keep the Lego stuck together forever ?

It's one thing to be dissatisfied or bored with a model that you've made and to then take it apart to use the bricks for something else. It's quite different to declare that you don't like something that's been given as a gift and deliberately chuck it on the floor.

The lack of appreciation isn't too worrying as empathy isn't as well developed in 5 year olds as it is in adults, but it's still pretty spoiled behaviour.

My first response here is your son doesn't like your friend (boy friend?). Just going back from time with his dad these feelings could be intensified. Breaking they toy is his way of expressing these difficult feelings.

"Didn't want to look at it"?! l'd have taken both from him and explained that if someone is kind enough to give a present, even if you don't like it, you accept it graciously.
l appreciate he's tiny, but if you don't address this now, it'll get worse.

It s a good point about the timing. Just back from dad s and presented with something made by mum s male "friend"..... there may be more to it in terms of what five year old is expressing.
Behaviour is communication...

No this is definitely not acceptable and I think you need to sit him down and tell him why. Imagine if your friend had still been there!? Daddy also needs to be told it is not normal to smash things just because you don't like them.

He is spoiled. I experienced a similar situation with dn and basically went into her room and packed all of her toys into a sack and put them into the attic for a week — I made the reason why very clear. She was sorry and has never done it again.

I wouldn't be impressed by this behaviour from my ds so I can see why you're upset. It IS within the normal range though, he's not a spoilt monster he's just learning the social rules. I'd talk it through with him, let him know that you're disappointed and maybe a small consequence.

Awful behaviour

If you explained before you gave it to him that someone had been kind enough to make it especially for him, then this reaction would have been awful. If he didn't realise the importance of it, then it would just be Lego and ok to break it up.

Explain how your friend would be very hurt as he'd spent time creating something especially for him. Use it as a teaching opportunity.

Your friend enjoyed himself making a space buggy out of Lego and your DS didn't want it. Why would he? The pleasure and play value of Lego is in the construction of something.
At your DS's age he'd rather make his own 'sets' and play with figures. Let him enjoy his own creations.
He's not spoilt, he's a pretty average just turned 5 yo in the real world but maybe not on MN.

Declaring that he doesn't like it and casting it aside would have been rude, but fairly normal.

Intentionally destroying it is an aggressive act and, yes, seems spoilt.

It is like he got angry that he wasn't given something better.

Since you clearly don't spoil him, do you think he might be reenacting his father's behaviour in a specific situation?

Unacceptable nasty behaviour. I hate to see people deliberately destroy things, especially when someone else has put effort into making them. You need to nip this in the bud OP.

He does not have to like it, but to deliberately throw it and destroy it, is unacceptable.better nip in the bud now. Friend was not there btw.

I would have taken what he was playing with away as punishment and possilby smacked his arse

I would have been disappointed with that behaviour too... He may only be 5 and not understand the time and effort that went into it but deliberately chucking it so it breaks saying he doesn't want to look at it is terrible and spoilt.

I would be having words for sure.

I would be wondering at the timing too. This seems like it might be something other than just not appreciating toys because he has so many.

Yes, horrible, unacceptable behaviour, but also within the realms of normal, I'd say.

Just give him short, sharp shrift and let him know not acceptable.

Kids aren't born knowing what is and isn't acceptable behaviour, it's up to us to show them in no uncertain terms.

Just be thankful your friend wasn't there to see it!

Fstar

Spoilt? Idk. We cannot know your ds’s motives. My dd wouldn’t have done this. She may have rejected it but that’s character differences.

What did you do when your ds did this? I think it is important to demonstrate empathy to young children. Perhaps take the car bits and ask him to help you to put it back together. If ds accepts you can talk about the friend whilst you’re working together. If not be breezy and say you are going to do it alone as x would be sad if he knew ds wanted it broken. Then maybe you can get information on why your ds acted like this.

Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he doesn’t like the transition between parents and just wanted to be with you instead of having to accept a gift and express gratitude. Maybe he is struggling with something. The message to get across is not to do this again without inducing guilt in your So talking about being sad is good.

The entire point of lego is breaking and rebuilding so I don't see this the same as deliberately 'breaking' a toy. I also think the timing and the giver of the gift may be significant. He had just returned from his dad's and you gave him something from a male friend.I don't think that was the best timing if you wanted an appreciative reaction.

There's actually quite a lot to this.

Firstly, my son loves Lego. I used to build with him when he was younger. Anything that you put effort into would be reduced to a pile of bricks again. That just life. Throwing it isn't ok. But surely your friend expected it to not remain a space buggy forever.

Secondly, it may depend on who the friend was. At 5 kids aren't emotionally mature. Has he met the friend? If not, it could be that he isn't really a person to ds. That we found it hard to grasp how someone he hasn't met would feel. If he has met him, do they get. Is this a new boyfriend?

Use this as a learning opportunity. Don't label your son as spoiled, he is 5. You can influence him and teach him.

As for the '5 years olds were more grateful in my day' - what bullshit. Older people have been saying things like this for 100s of years. You didn't know all 5 years old back then or now.

Also I would say that as Lego is designed to be taken apart and reused, a 5 year old may not see it as a normal toy. It's entirely possible that a bought space buggy wouldn't have got the same treatment. In a 5 year olds head it could be 'don't like, but it's only Lego'.

Who cares if it was Lego? It's the intent behind the action and the OP clearly states the child saying he deliberately threw it to break and said it was because he didn't want to look at it... That's a rather angry reaction which needs to be addressed before it becomes normalised.