AIBU to think that counselling is the next step?

[GlassIsRefillable]

I have known my 6 year old step son since he was 16 months old. His parents split up when he was 8 months old and have always been very amicable. His dad sees him whenever he isn’t working which is at least one day & night most weekends. He has two half sisters that live here with me and his dad. His mum has just had a baby too and is in a stable long term relationship.

He has always had a lot of tantrums over the years, sometimes crying for hours in the night, we thought he would just grow out of them. However, he is now 6 1/2 and they’ve escalated to another level. He has started saying he wants to kill himself, punching walls, banging his head against walls, saying he hates his dad and will kill him. He’s also said he hates his younger half sister and me but not as often.

He is acting like this at both homes. He first started saying he wanted to kill himself because his mum doesn’t need him anymore (she’s just had a little boy) but he has always been very angry hitting and kicking since he was a baby but still now.

His mum doesn’t seem worried by this behaviour but myself and his dad are extremely concerned. AIBU to think counselling is the next step? Or is this something we can overcome ourselves?

Sounds like some outside help might be a good idea. He could be struggling with the changing dynamics - new siblings, etc. Poor kid! It's lovely you care so much and want to help him.

Personally I would start with your GP and see what they suggest. Counselling may be appropriate but the threats to kill hisself need to be taken seriously. Also speak to the school to see what behaviour he is exhibiting there.

Definitely go to the GP. Counselling is a tricky one for such small children and you need a professional assessment for him. If you can afford private then a private child psychologist would be quicker than a GP referral to CAMHS, but do check out their credentials and try to get a recommendation (maybe from the GP) first.

What have you done over the years to try and support him and to help his feelings before now? It sounds like he’s trying very hard to communicate something is wrong - a small child crying for hours into to night isn’t ok. What steps have you taken before now?

I’d be opening communication with him, spending time just with him actively playing with him, talking with him about stuff. I’d also be calming and comforting in his distress. Basically building a relationship with him where I’m responding to his obvious signs of distress. 5 years is a long time for him to be tantruming and crying - I’m not surprised he’s hurting himself.

How is he in school? Do they know he’s struggling at home?

When i saw my gp about a CAMHS referal he said the quickest way was to go through the school. Get an appointment with the senco, take a list off all his behaviours and worries, she can refer to the school nurse and she can either assess or immediately refer. My son was immediately refered without assesment and was seen by CAMHS within 6 weeks for his initial assesment. For him they couldnt do anything as he required specialist bereavement counselling and in the end we had to go private. He sounds a deeply troubled little boy.

Definitely yes to seeing the GP and also take a look at peaceful parenting, specifically the 'Aha parenting' website. Well worth a look for useful guidance on kids expressing emotions and also guidance on red flags/when to seek help. Have used it personally and the techniques take time but they work, especially In conjunction with professional support if needed.

Thank you all for your feedback. Some really good suggestions and the GP seems like the best starting point. X