AIBU re DS

[PooleySpooley]

DS moved in with his gf a few months ago - took out a 2 yr lease.

His gf has now decided she doesn’t want to be with him anymore (I don’t know the full details and it’s all a bit sudden).

DD has moved in to DS place and she earns less than him and says she can afford half.

They get in and are close and he is happy to live with DD.

DS is pissed off with me because I have said I don’t really want him to move home because he doesn’t actually need to and I think that now he has left home he should at least try to fend for himself before rushing home at the first hurdle.

I had said that he could always come home and he could if he was in a bad place but the reason he wants to come back is because when he was living here he had massive disposable income (obviously which I was subsidising as he was only paying £300 a month) and he is now a bit shocked at how much RL is actually costing and he is having to budget.

I adore him and am so sad that he is having a shitty time but he’s just moved out (he’s early 20s) andI really think he should give it a go and he has his sister there with him. Him leaving was a bit overdue anyway as he didn’t really pull his weight and his room was a complete tip - and we were running out of space with my DH children (younger) coming EOW.

AIBU a cow or is it ok to be a bit cruel to be kind and make him see if he can support himself....?

Let him crack on with independent living. Sounds like he needs to see how the real world works.

You are NBU. He needs to learn he cannot run home everytime something goes wrong, and it's perfectly normal for a young man to live independently without a girlfriend, although in this instance he is not living alone, he has his sister with him and as they get on I would've thought this was a good living arrangement. Also if he has signed a two year lease, then presumably there would be financial penalties if he was to end the lease early. If you were to let him move home, then advise him that you will be charging rent at the local market rate, no more living off Mum and Dad - time to join the world of adulthood.

No you are doing the right thing

YANBU. How will he get to grips with adult life if he doesn’t give it a proper go?

AIBU a cow or is it ok to be a bit cruel to be kind and make him see if he can support himself....?

I think (at the extreme) parents who infantilise their children are sort of abusive. Fine to be living with parents in early 20s, but only if: paying rent, saving for a mortgage and able to pull weight at home.

The scenario of living with DSis sounds a gentle way to learn to be a functional adult. YWBU to make him dependent again.

I hope you have taught your DD not mother the men in her life.

I remember when my DP and I moved out and we moved into our own place, we really struggled at first and I think everyone does. Suddenly you don't have the money that you used to, however this is life.

I do think you're doing the right thing, he'll have to learn sometime.

DD won’t be running around after him.

All my kids have been brought up to know how to run a house, use a washing machine, vacuum, cook etc and that there aren’t girls jobs and boys jobs.

DS moved in with his gf a few months ago - took out a 2 yr lease.

Surely he has to stay there for the duration of his contract or else pay regardless?

Stick to your guns.
I let dd come home when her dp had cheated and her mh wasn't good.. Within a month she had found a new house and was gone.
Ds split from his df and didn't come home. But your ds had an ideal set up given the circumstances.

Phew - thank you I have been feeling dreadful about it.

He was also angry that I pointed out that he has two parents who both have homes but I am the only one who was asked as I am the “default” parent.

It's a 2 year lease so he needs to pay until the end of the contract.