To ask you how I chill the F out!!

[Starbright6]

Hi all,

I’m struggling atm with my anxieties and general stress and when I’m feeling that way I become incredibly uptight and hard to live with. I get so annoyed at myself for stressing over small things. Example, my DP not washing up his mug straight away or him not making the bed the ‘right’ way. I know I’m being unreasonable and in his words ‘there are bigger things for us to worry about than which way I place the pillows’. My mum always tells me not to sweat the small stuff but I find it easier said than done! Why am I so difficult? And how can I learn to chill out? So what if the dishes don’t get done right away or if DP leaves his trainers by the door instead of putting them in the cupboard. I realise this morning I was being a complete pain in the bum so DP went out shopping all day, don’t blame him for wanting to get out of my way. I feel terrible now.

Relaxation exercises?
Divert your attention doing something different when you are feeling anxious- I go and walk the dog, find a cupboard to sort out - just anything to stop the fretting about minor things. DH will often say “meanwhile in Syria.....” as a cue for me to start thinking about something else.

Yes I really should find a distraction otherwise my poor DP gets the brunt of my stress. Thanks for the tip. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I always tell myself afterwards it really wasn’t anything to get stressed about! Wish I had that mentality in the moment :(

Anyone knows, tell me please. Fibromyalgia, bad migraines and anxiety attacks. Can't seem to stop when I feel like things need to be done. Spent 6 hours decorating gingerbread cookies today with DD and it was great but after we wrapped up the anxiety was back with vengeance. Siting on the sofa now and feeling like I am going to explode.

How much exercise do you do? I get like this when I don't get chance to do enough exercise and my anxiety starts to kick in.

No advice, because I am in it too at the moment sadly. But I think of it as a survival thing - in times of crisis we need things to be in order, need to be on top of the details; but in modern life its not the stuff that is going to help. So what is the likely source of your stress- and how can you tackle that (change what you can, accept and work around what you can’t).

So hard as I realise so clearly that I am being totally unreasonable yet when I’m in the middle of an ‘episode’ Im so self involved, it’s embarrassing really. Surprised DP hasn’t walked out on me yet.

Don’t think it helps that Apart from work I haven’t been very busy due to saving money so avoided all xmas party’s and dinners with friends. Feel like a bit of a lonely loser right now!

Eerie - i really hope it passes for you soon x

Help - no I’m afraid I don’t exercise - would love to be one of those people but ashamed to admit I’m a little lazy - maybe I need to get into walking

@Helpmeltb , I am a runner but I found that my anxiety attacks have no direct correlation with the exercise.

Maybe your dp should step up a bit too?

Everybody thinks I am quite odd.. but i have started an evening class, learning a new language and have found it really chills me out. For that hour and a half, I am totally focussed on learning, and dont have room in my head for the stressy stuff. Best nights sleep I get is after i have be been to class.

He doesn’t do the housework the way I do. He often tells me that there’s no point him doing it as I will tell him he’s doing it wrong, which is true I am so ridiculous sometimes. I think I’m making it hard for him to contribute to chores as I’m so fussy about how things are done.

Gentle yoga is good. It's really relaxing and exercisey so you feel like you've done something without breaking into a sweat yoga with Adrienne on YouTube is good. You don't even have to leave your house and she does some videos specifically for anxiety.

I also find st johns wort is good for helping my anxiety but it doesn't mix with a lot of medications so you need to check before taking it.

If you talk to your GP they can give you beta blockers.

Usually I would just say this is your personality so embrace it but if it's got to the point it is affecting your relationship and causing you distress then there's no harm in trying to get help.