To think my husband should cope? (Lighthearted)

[mentalloadoverloaded]

DH has gone out with DS (20mo). I refused to go as I wanted a day to myself where I could get some housework done in peace, maybe wrap some Christmas presents watch a film and eat chocolate and above all, just not have to think about anything!

In order for DH to go out, I had to organise the change bag, remind him to take a few things (you know, like water ), help him find his wallet and phone etc. He's phoned me twice since; the first time I worried got the impression he was considering coming home due to bad weather so I gave him indoor suggestions. The second, who knows.

My point is, AIBU to think DH should be able to go out for a day (more of an afternoon really as they didn't leave til 12) without needing me to organise him or contacting me?!

YANBU but sadly this is a very common scenario. I’m not sure it’s gendered though - I am a woman who raised children with another woman and many times could have written your exact post. Not helpful sorry

This is a weird one.

He should be able to look after his son, and arrange to take him out without your help. I wouldn't have helped make a change bag etc... he should be able to do that.

But it's also a bit odd to send him out for a day when it's quite cold and wet and they seem to have no plans; I think. Have you agreed when they can come back? I'd be a bit miserable hanging around town waiting until I was allowed to go home; and it sounds like that's what he is doing. He's not even stepped up to do the thinking now he's the sole parent; he's still calling you to make decisions for him.

So overall I don't think YABU to think he should be able to do this but either he has been woefully poor at learning to father his child or something has gone wrong when it comes to sharing responsibilities here; and I think it'll take more than a day for that to be sorted.

And I'd definitely get the presents wrapped and make the most of your time now; if I was you, I reckon he'll be back before 4!

I think just turfing them out on a cold wet day with no fixed plans is quite harsh, TBH

Well ... to be kind, the first time i ever went out with my eldest DC i was probably in a flap and either took too much stuff or forgot half of it. And wanted to come home pretty much as soon as i'd gone out

When you do something regularly it becomes habit and it goes smoothly. When you don't you do something regularly you can flap about and forget stuff. If he took your DC out every day or every week he'd be better at it.

Sorry, I should've explained - he planned to go to his parents first, then go to the sealife centre. When it started raining and he phoned, I suggested taking him to a local softplay as it's indoors. So he did have plans, and I didn't actually specify that I wanted to be left alone - my own fault really! I imagine they'll be back before 4 too!

If he complains it was difficult or keeps nagging you to help, the trick is to reply 'you're right, you don't get enough practice, you should do it more often!'

DH was a bit like this when I went back to work. We share childcare and work around each other. I used to do all you mention, pack a bag, make a packed lunch etc. I told him he needed to think a bit more and do it himself.

In the end I got fed up and stopped doing it. Dd had an exploding nappy (luckily) in Tesco. Only when he got to the change room did he realise there weren't many wipes and no clean clothes. Lucky he was in Tesco! He always checks the bag now before going out.

Similarly with the packed lunch. He got caught out with a hungry toddler a couple of times, so now packs plenty of snacks or a lunch.

I hated to think of Dd 'suffering' but knew that if I didn't stop doing it for him, he'd constantly rely on me to remember everything. And he was never far from somewhere he could get supplies or lunch out, so Dd wouldn't have starved!

It sort of gets better- I think. My eldest is now 11 and DP has taken him to the cinema. I had to buy the tickets and produce parking money......5 years ago I'd have had to drive them there too. Ha ha.

user1474894224 nope, that's just the kids getting easier as they get older.