Nothing from family for Baby's 1st Christmas or Birthday?

[TheGreatestPretender]

Last year my DC had no gifts at all from my very large family. Not even a card. This was due to me falling out with my mother a few weeks before. It was youngest DC's first Christmas so it really stung.

I made it up to an extent with my mother in January last year but still my DC had no birthday cards/presents throughout the year.

My mother apparently sent a card for DC4's 1st birthday but we didn't receive it until 2 weeks later as my sister kept forgetting to post it (mother has asked her to post it from work and she left it on her desk). Sister never bothered to send one herself either!

I have always made sure to send a card and a gift for my nieces and nephews birthdays, especially their 1sts. This particular sister's DC2 is almost exactly a year older than my DC4 and I made sure I sent a gift even though I had a newborn. When her DC2 was born, I travelled to her with a gift, together with one for her DC1 so he didn't feel left out but she cba to even send a card to my DC!

3 of my brothers never even acknowledged DC4 had been born!

This isn't normal right? I have decided to not bother with any of my family at all this Xmas, no cards, no gifts, no visits.

Reasonable?

Doesnt sound as though they would care, so what it boils down to, do you? If you do, keep in contact. If you are indifferent, leave them

It horrible. I’m going through something similar now. I gave birth 4 weeks ago. My DH has a large family and his brothers haven’t bothered acknowledging the babies existence disputes the fact we send cards and presents for Christmas, birthdays etc for their children. I’ve just decided to stop and this Christmas I’m not bothering.

My expectations would be lowered for them, especially if your dc hasen't received birthday cards and presents from them in the year, they certainly won't be getting Christmas presents. They don't sound like they care, I think you need to treat them how they treat you.

DH's family are like this. I never miss a child's birthday but I don't bother with the adults any more, DH remembers sometimes and gets them gifts.

No it’s not normal and it’s a shitty thing to do, as his first birthday and Christmas are big milestones. Stop sending cards/ presents to them and then you won’t feel half as bad. And also will leave you with a little more money at Xmas to buy your little one something else or to treat yourself! God, that would annoy the shit out of me... and when your little one is older, he/she will probably ask your lovely mother straight out, where is my present etc... we all no how honest kids are!😉🙂.

DH's family are like this. It breaks his heart at every birthday and Christmas. We've talked about NC for other reasons but after years he's now very low contact with them. He makes an equal effort to theirs and tries to keep his expectations low.

It's hard for him though. They're his family and he desperately wants them to love his children. ... which I'm sure they do in their own weird apathetic way!

I know how you feel. I have 6 children and my 4 youngest age 11 to age 5 have never seen or had a card or gift or been invited to any parties by my family or my husbands no arguments or fallouts. I felt gutted for my kids for so long but I figured it's their loss and I get on with our family the 8 of us being happy and making great childhood memories. We jus seen my husbands brother at an event and we were all cordial but he never mentioned the boys even the youngest that he had never met. But what can you do? Fall to pieces or get on with the blessings that you have there's no blood to get out of that stone so wasted precious time that needs to go to your kids.

It's similar with my DH's family. No-one bothers at all to buy my DC a birthday card let alone presents.

What makes it worse is that my DH's older DC from first marriage are still bought hundreds of pounds' worth despite them being in their late 20s (they don't buy for my DC either!).

No fallouts here - and we see them all regularly - just general thoughtlessness.

I made my peace with it about two years ago and the upside is that it saves me time, money and effort as I no longer buy for anyone.

My DH always intends to but never gets around to it. So I like to think that they now realise how much effort I used to make.