Time with ILs

[ChoudeBruxelles]

So we’re at dh’s brothers Christmas Eve being with all of their family, DPIL and SIL and het partner and daughter are coming to us on Christmas Day. Mil is having a strop because I’ve made plans for 28th as she wanted everyone to go to her as she wants to cook a Christmas dinner, and we can’t go (I don’t want to go either really).

Dh works over Christmas. He’s off Christmas Day, at work in Boxing Day and on call all night (would put money I bim getting called out) off 27th and 28th. We are seeing my family 27th and friend on 28th.

Dh thinks we should squeeze lunch at hers before we see friends. AIBU?

Are you seeing MIL at some stage over the holiday?

No. You're spending a day with his family, a day with yours and a day without the family dynamics. Sounds perfectly reasonable as is

Yes Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Ignore me. I'd not noticed that. Two days with either side of the family is enough.

Also don’t really want more turkey on 28th. We’ll have had for days by then

I'm not surprised you don't want to go. Just politely decline explaining you've already made plans.

GreatDuckCookery I have said sorry we can’t go. She’s not happy and dh is trying to placate her by saying we’ll go earlier and then go out with friends. I’m not doing that either

Just send dh and dont worry about it. 2 days is enough

You're seeing her xmas eve and xmas day and she wants to see you on the 28th because she wants to stuff ANOTHER xmas dinner down you, and this is between DH being on call two nights?
If I've got that right, my response would be HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - excuse me, what? HA HA HA HA HA HA, Mil, are you quite well?

Pretty much onalongsabbatical. He’s only on call Boxing Day night though. Not two nights. Then again on 29th

I would offer to go to hers for a roast some other day(new years or after. Surely you'll all have had enough turkey by the 28th anyway!

Well I still think my response is pretty appropriate, don't you OP?

she wants to cook a Christmas dinner, and we can’t go

She can cook a christmas dinner, nobody is stopping her.

onalongsabbatical completely

Is she one of those people I always read about on MN who throw a strop if they can’t get their own way and family are walking on eggshells around her?

QueenArseClangers not really. She’s ok. We’re very different people so it’s hard work as we don’t have much in common but she’s nice at heart. Fil on the other hand is an arse.

So she wants you to spend three of your limited days off with an arse.

Aye, right.

If she asks again just continue to say

"thank you for the invite, but I'm afraid we already have plans. We hope you have a lovely day with everyone else though."

So you’re already spending 2 days with her over Christmas? That’s enough really.

I do wonder why some people (family usually!) leave it until last minute to organise things. Do they think you’ve got nothing planned and waiting for an invite? Then throw a strop when you’re not available!

God, who wants ANOTHER Christmas dinner on the 28th?!

Plus you have already spent 2 days with them by that point.

And you don't "squeeze in" a Christmas lunch, as your DH suggests. A Christmas lunch starts late, takes hours and then it looks rude if you get up from the table and scarper as soon as you've finished your pud. This is not something you do if you have plans for the afternoon.

Your MIL and your DH are being unreasonable in expecting this. It's not a God-given right to have a nice family Christmas together and then cook a turkey 3 days afterwards and demand that all your family attend for "Christmas II: The Sequel."

Surely squeezing in lunch will just mean there's a time pressure. I can't see walking out before it's finished going down well!