To cancel on friend?

[pinkky]

I don't want too but I can't go.
I've organised to meet her Wednesday night to swap presents and go for tea but I'm terrified.
I've had severe anxiety for the last year and going outside makes me ill.
I really really want to go and see her but I'm so scared.
I keep shaking and sweating thinking of it.
Then making a fool of myself.
I always feel like I'm having a heart attack when I'm outside and I need to run home.
I don't know whether to push past it and just go or take the easy option.

Remember you are lucky to have a nice friend. Write down that today you will shower. And wash your hair. For your friend if not for yourself. Remember she is worth all your efforts!!
Play some festive songs - remind yourself it's a special time and you can do this!
We all are positive you can too op!!

Have a nice shower and do your hair, this always makes me feel tons better. Then explain to your friend how you are feeling then she can support you and won’t mind if you don’t stay long. Try taking small steps, so maybe just go outside for a few minutes, take deep breaths and go back inside do this until you can do it calmly. Then maybe go for a small walk, hopefully you’ll feel more confident to go on Wednesday.

Remember you are strong!!

Yes you absolutely can go! You need to believe you can!
It will be hard and scary and until you get there probably awful but the pleasure of managing it and seeing your friend will outweigh all the bad.

Part of the treatment of anxiety is to push yourself in small ways so that each time you do it you manage a bit more.
It's about teaching yourself that you can do things even if it feels your going to die.
The result is eventually your symptoms slowly begin to reduce because you are proving your brain that what it's telling you is wrong so it literally can't dispute reality.

If your anxiety is at this level you really need to try and get some help (aside from CBT). A close family member was exactly the same for around 2 years, but now they are on medication and see someone they are, thankfully, able to live a ‘normal’ life. The GP can be a good place to start to get a referral, please know that you don’t deserve to carry on like this, and although everyone is different- it could help.

its good that you know where you are going, and concentrate on the positive parts of it, she is bringing you home, so you will be safe

do you have taxi fare in case anything happens? that way you will be covered

Hi OP, I work in mental health in Australia. Have worked with a lot of people who are dealing with anxiety. It really can take over your life. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to keep doing things. Every time you cancel something, or choose to stay home, your anxious brain will convince itself that the only reason you were ok is because you didn’t go. And so the next time you have to go somewhere, the anxiety will be even worse. CBT can be wonderful for some, but not for others. If you think it’s not helping, read up on some other strategies. I’m thinking Acceptance and Commitment therapy for example.

For what it’s worth, you definitely can get through this. I used to work with a girl who had such severe anxiety that she couldn’t even leave her house at all. I used to go to her house for appointments. It took a long time, but last time I saw her she was learning to drive and had started attending university.

In the short term, consider what your biggest barriers to getting out are and what would legitimately help you meet your friend. Eg. Would you feel less anxious meeting her elsewhere or having someone travel with you? Would it help to plan it out in detail right down to laying out your clothes the day before?

Whatever happens good luck and please believe it can get better.

OP I don't want to make you feel bad, but have you considered your friend most likely is also feeling anxious, most people do when a social event is coming up. So it wouldn't be very nice to cancel, that could make her anxiety even worse. But self care is the most important so cancel if you have to.

Anxiety can be such a vicious cycle that can be so difficult to break. You need to find some coping strategies that work for you.

My anxiety isn't as severe, but I find when I start getting anxious I start fiddling with my hands, and if I can't focus on something I end up picking and scratching at my hands and face. But I figured out if I use something to keep my hands active, I avoid that and keep myself grounded. So I fiddle with things like string or a hair band, or generally anything I can find. I'm not saying that will work for you, but there will be something that will help

Well I'll start by showering today. Anxiety is energy so walk round your house. Stop drinking coffee or tea and drink plenty of water.
Learn relaxation techniques and understand that you may feel like dying but rationally you know that you aren't.
Tell your friend how you feel and maybe ask her to come round.
There are ways to help yourself but it requires a lot of will and hard work.

The NHS has fantastic resources to help you cope with your symptoms.

I would warn her in advance that it might be tricky but try your best to go for it, even with the help of beta blockers if necessary (obviously you'll need a prescription if you don't already have one).

Anxiety is energy so walk round your house.
Better still, run up & down the stairs 3 times (seriously), then go and have a shower. Baby steps. Don't visualise turning up at the pub, visualise being showered. Then getting dressed and so on. Tell yourself that you can opt out at the end of the next step if you really want but you have to do that first.

How are you doing op? Did you go? X