Lonliness as a parent

[christmaspud37]

Sorry not really an AIBU but not sure how to tackle the problem I have. I'm a SAHM to my four year old DD. When she was born I had dreadfull PND and anxiety to the point I found it hard to leave the house, to which I've just about come out of but I still have bad weeks now and again. DH is so supportive, but he's at work a lot so I try not to make a fuss and meet up with friends but I find it difficult. Also I don't really have many friends, and the ones I do have are usually quite busy (which I completely understand about, everyone has lives to live)
I find it very hard to make new friends, I was never like this before having my DD. I just overthink things and I'm always nervous so I tend so say the wrong things. I have a very close friend but he has now moved quite far away so I'm feeling quite lonely. I also feel quite bad for my DD as well who is a very social child and loves talking to everyone. But my DB and DN lives quite far away and there aren't any other children in the family. I'd love for her to have a little friend she can invite round. She does go to nursery but after and in holidays it's just me and her, which makes me feel guilty. I think what I'm trying to ask is does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone have any advice on how they've made friends?

Thanks x

Sorry you are feeling so low

No advice but I feel the same way! I chat to people at groups and such like (once I have met them a few times and stopped being shy) but don't seem to make friends iyswim. The people I did not with all seem to have other friends with kids that they meet up with but we just have a handful of old friends with no kids - I wouldn't even say we are particularly friends with the next group, just small talk at occasional meet ups. It is ok when dc is still little but I worry that in a years time they won't have any friends because I don't have any parent friends.

One of my closest friends is a mum I met at school gate 20 odd years ago.
When your dd starts reception there will a lot more kids and mums around.
It's easy to bond together and start conversations about dc and get into a my house/your house thing for coffee after school drop off or take the kids to the park or soft play after school.
Dd will meet new people and get invited to birthdays etc and if she's a sociable girl like you say she will soon start bringing little friends home so you meet the mums.
Hang in there OP. Is there no mums at nursery that you can chat to?

*jasperrising I feel exactly the same. The few friends I do see don't have children, so it's difficult. I'm in exactly the same boat as you. The mummy friends I do make already have their network of friends and aren't really too bothered about making new ones outside of nursery times

Thankyou recklessruby your post has made me feel more hopeful. I have made a few friends but they're more up for talking when dropping off the kids. They're quite happy in Thier lives at the moment and tend not to socialise more than that. Which then makes me feel like I'm saying the wrong things or they can tell I'm awkward or nervous.

Their*

It can be really lonely and kids that age can be so draining. I haven’t much advice about meeting people, I can be a bit too reserved myself and then come across as rude. I had PND too-anxiety mainly and it makes everything seem worse and I’m sure people at groups thought I was odd because of it🙈I was on ADs and it’s pretty much gone now. Did you go to the GP? It sounds a bit like some of the anxiety is still hanging around and from experience you can end up over thinking everything. I seek adult conversation where I can-eg if we went to a supermarket I’d chat to an old person or the cashier. Even that little bit of interaction improves the day. Also, are you getting time to do nice things for just you-like a hobby? Things you can look forward to?

christmaspud I am trying to remind myself that my pre-dc friends were slow burning at the start. If I think back it was months of meeting in public not straight into 'hey let's have coffee' so logically I shouldn't expect anything different just due to having dc! I just really don't want dc to end up with the same shyness and anxieties...

Wallythewasher I was on tablets quite a while ago for it, but they never really helped me, and I was too shy to go back to the doctor's so I ended up coming off them. I have been doing quite well with herbal remedies from Holland and Barrett and we've recently got a dog, so I do get out and talk to a lot more people. The fresh air helps as well. But I may need to bite the bullet for a bit and get to the doctor's. I'm quite a introverted person anyway. I'm an artist so I do a lot of hobbies and things. Recently because if the way I'm feeling though I've not been doing g as much as I usually would

Jasperrising I'm the same, I don't want my feelings to rub off on my DD.