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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I shouldn’t have to drive for more than an hour because party is being held really far away and not locally - re my dd

65 replies

wondering1101 · 15/12/2018 17:30

Just dropped off dd at a party - the house is about 10 minutes drive from ours - now I am back home so that was 20 minutes drive in total. All good.

They are going out to a restaurant — a bunch of 12 / 13 year olds with the parents of the birthday person, and are getting there by public transport.

They then want all kids to be picked up at the restaurant. Which is about 25 minutes drive from my house and a very busy area which has parking issues. I need to leave the house in 1.45 hours to then drive for 50 minutes and for this party will have driven for an hour and ten minutes in total.

AIBU to think that they could have gone to a local restaurant, or could have gone back to their house by public transport so that all the parents doing pick ups don’t have to travel for miles.

Maybe I am being unreasonable Confused?

I would not presume that people wanted to do pick ups and drop offs miles away. It will take me longer than 25 minutes to get there as well because of the traffic and rain as well Angry.

Are we all supposed to spend the entire evening driving because someone decides they can’t stay in the area Angry.

Sorry, bit miffed. Maybe I am being unreasonable though.

OP posts:
Original poster
wondering1101 · 15/12/2018 17:57

Yes you’re right - ok will do that.

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 15/12/2018 18:00

Also being at secondary school ten minutes is fairly close for a friend to live. We live near to dd's school but pupils travel up to an hour in all directions. A party could be two hours away for a child travelling from one side of the catchment to the other side. 25 mins isn't far. Go early, grab a coffee somewhere and relax.

lalalalyra · 15/12/2018 18:07

If the same public transport is available back then they could get that.

They may also be going to a specific restaurant because of the time of year - most will insist on christmas menu just now.

R3b3kah · 15/12/2018 18:11

Agree with edwardscissorskills about it being an invitation not a summons.

If my kids had a choice of a restraunt it would be a Chinese buffet 30 minutes drive away, we love going there and would chose it any day over somewhere local.

If anyone had any complaint, then don’t come... we didn’t force

Purplehammer · 15/12/2018 18:12

Your dd has out smarted you OP.
Great example of low cunning.
I’m in awe of your dd.
😁😁😁😁

Aragog · 15/12/2018 18:26

I don't think half an hour each way is very far at all. Totally within the normal realms for party venues I'd say.

SassitudeandSparkle · 15/12/2018 18:36

OP, do you have form for not wanting to do stuff like this - I am wondering if that was the reason your DD didn't tell you earlier, because you would have stopped her going.

Also the totalling up of your time (I'll have spent 1 hour 10 mins on this) is a rather odd way to look at it IMO. I'd see it as your DD having a lovely time out with her friends. It doesn't seem that far to me.

BlueJava · 15/12/2018 18:56

I think yabu - I know it's a bit of hassle, but it's her friends birthday, it's important to her. I always think that if they want me to pick them up it is good. It means I know where they are and when they'll be back :)

Rainbowqueeen · 15/12/2018 19:00

Do you know anyone else going? Can you offer them petrol money if they br ing your DD home ?

Original poster
wondering1101 · 15/12/2018 19:00

No I don’t have form for not letting her do stuff like this and she wasn’t trying to outsmart me - she has no idea where the restaurant is relative to us.

We’re in London and in London terms it is far away. I found out at the last minute and hadn’t expected to spend so much of this evening driving. Maybe I am becoming Scrooge - will work on myself.

Of course I want her to have a good time.

I am tired and under a lot of pressure - newly divorced, 3 dc, constantly worrried about everything I haven’t done and about everything else as well.

It’s fine though.

Thanks for messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
wondering1101 · 15/12/2018 19:02

No I asked dd to tell me who was going and who I could give a lift to and she said no it was fine and didn’t text me any names. So that was that Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
wondering1101 · 15/12/2018 19:03

(I don’t know who is going to the party so couldn’t ask any parents - will do it next time).

OP posts:
Lookingforadvice123 · 15/12/2018 19:08

Gosh I live in a capital city and with traffic 25 mins of driving doesn't get you far at all! YABU. I think anything up to 30 mins away is classed as a short distance.

MissyCooper · 15/12/2018 19:13

I don’t think you’re unreasonable per se.

But my mum, who is generally fab, used to mump and moan about this sort of thing. It’s too far. It’s too expensive (not poor, just didn’t want to pay it), it’s too inconvenient I need to sit around all night and blah blah.

She would still do these things for me but not without a big moan. And it made me feel like I didn’t want to ask her to do stuff for me after a while. Unintentionally. I don’t think she was aware that she did it.

Now I’m older and have two girls myself, I still can’t understand why she didn’t just suck it up a little bit more.

NonaGrey · 15/12/2018 19:14

I can see why you are annoyed but the issue lies with your DD, not with the party family.

Party locations where I live are regularly 30 mins away. we are highly organised lift sharers. Grin

abacucat · 15/12/2018 19:31

I really don't see 25 minutes drive as a big deal. I am assuming they are not coming back by public transport because of either the limitations of public transport, or fears it will be full of drunk people.

Aridane · 15/12/2018 19:34

YABU

MilkyCuppa · 15/12/2018 19:37

I wouldn’t mind a 50 minute round trip to pick up my DC if he was out having a nice time. But I agree it would have made sense for the parents to bring all kids back to the drop off point.

RoseGoldEagle · 16/12/2018 08:25

25 minutes doesn’t seem far to me, wouldn’t bother me at all.

NoLeslie · 16/12/2018 08:34

Seeing as they can get there on public transport and its in London I think I'd be a bit peeved that they weren't returning on public transport too tbh. I would still do the ferrying about but it is a bit annoying of the party parents.

fishonabicycle · 16/12/2018 08:34

Ask them for your daughter to come back with them on public transport.

SoyDora · 16/12/2018 08:38

Ask them for your daughter to come back with them on public transport

Probably a bit late now... the OP dropped her off for the meal last night so we should probably assume she’s home...

Trills · 16/12/2018 08:51

The parents organising have been very foolish and unthoughtful to assume that all parents will be available to pick up from a remote destination.

You could easily have had other obligations that meant you didn't have time to drive somewhere an extra 20 minutes away.

SoyDora · 16/12/2018 08:52

^ then in that case they could have declined the invitation. If any of us are invited to something that we can’t manage due to other commitments, as decline.

SoyDora · 16/12/2018 08:53

*we decline