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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL committed benefit fraud and it’s still affecting us. Please read to understand.

51 replies

JKCR2017 · 15/12/2018 15:08

Hi all, this isn’t a simple one.

I’ve been with OH 6 years. When I met him he was living with his mum and bought his house 6 months later.

His mother has been in a relationship with her partner for around 10 years.

When my Oh bought his house MIL asked if he could tell the council her partner was lodging at his new house so she could carry on claiming a single parent to her younger children, despite hat he was already living at her house (he had previously rented his own flat but pretty much lived there) My partner felt pressurised to agree and did so. I felt like I had no right in this decision as we’d been together a matter of months.

A couple years later this was still the case but I moved in and I told my partner to let his mum know that it has stop. I didn’t want this going on anymore. She took 6 months to sort it out so I worried about it constantly. All his post come here. It was pretty embarrassing. It’s a small village where the postman knows everyone and he must wonder why we got post for a man he’s never seen here.

So it finally stopped. Yet my mother in laws bloke has yet to change his address on everything. We are still getting post for him.

We keep getting letters regarding his deceased mother from the council. I haven’t opened them obviously but his mother’s house still lie empty as far as I know. We gotta feeling it’s council tax bills. We are worried it will affect our credit as they are being sent to our address and there also letters being sent for him about his Mum from the bank!

I keep emailing the man to pick his letters up. We don’t get chance to drop them off very often but we have a massive pile of letters for him and others regarding his dead Mum and it’s annoying me.

I’m tempted to return them to the sender so hopefully the post will stop!

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 15/12/2018 16:28

Buy him 6 months mail redirection for Christmas. Certain letters can’t be redirected and will automatically be returned to sender

gonzo77 · 15/12/2018 16:30

Laiste Jack65 is right. I have worked in finance 20 years and can confirm that a person can ONLY be dragged down by someone with bad credit if they join finances with them. It CANNOT happen merely by living in the same house as them.

category12 · 15/12/2018 16:38

But OP probably would prefer that bailiffs looking for MIL's partner don't turn up on her door.

Swipetounlock · 15/12/2018 16:44

It's not the credit history that's the problem. The OP's partner, the MIL and the MIL's boyfriend are ALL part of a fraud, that saw the partner allow mail to be delivered to a false address, with the intent for his mother to claim benefits to which she was not entitled. The OP needs to be very careful that she is never implicated in this. There's a whole big difference between a credit rating and a criminal record.

BertrandRussell · 15/12/2018 16:51

And he owes his ex partner money for his kids too. What a prince, as they say.

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 15/12/2018 16:54

It’s very easy to say I shouldn’t got involve d I met my Oh when he was still living at his mums and this wasn’t a thing. Time moves on. We are in a stable and committed relationship with two DC. Trust me I do worry about it. I have done for a long time. My mil was reported for benefit fraud - twice but nothing ever come of it as they couldn’t prove it.

OP posts:
Ilikeknitting · 15/12/2018 16:55

Sorry op, but you are as bad as the fraudsters in my view. You’ve enabled them to use your address to scam the system.

Janedoe5000 · 15/12/2018 16:58

Some of these responses are ridiculous.

Write "Not known at this address" on every item of mail and put them in the post box.

Your credit report is based on credit in your name and nobody else's - including whether they've lived at your address or not.

Notacluethisxmas · 15/12/2018 17:03

You absolutely could have done something when this started. Not Saying it was your responsibility.

But who wants to be with someone who commits benefit fraud.

purplecorkheart · 15/12/2018 17:04

Write not known at this address on everything and send back.

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 15/12/2018 17:12

I could not of changed it (I wish I put my foot down at the time) Myself and Oh has been in a relationship for a matter of months at the time and it really wasn’t my decision.. I did offer my opinion on it at the time - very much against it. But what was I meant to do? When I moved in I bugged Oh to sort it every day until he finally sorted did!

The post thing hasn’t been too bad but since his mother passed on we are getting several letters regarding her home, bank etc.

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 15/12/2018 17:15

You could have not dated someone who commits benefit fraud?

Notacluethisxmas · 15/12/2018 17:16

The post thing hasn’t been too bad but since his mother passed on we are getting several letters regarding her home, bank etc.

Is she dead? Thought they both worked full time?

Swipetounlock · 15/12/2018 17:18

It's time to clean up the mess once and for all. Speak to the MIL's partner. Tell him you will return the letters to sender unless he sorts out getting them sent to his real address. Do not stand for post office redirection either, that's just him continuing to cheat.

eurochick · 15/12/2018 17:27

I think she means the boyfriend's mother.

losingfaith · 15/12/2018 17:28

sounds like he has had long enough to get his act together. I know you shouldn't, but I'd open the post and email the people quoting the reference stating the address he is now. Or Send it back "Not at this address - new address xyz" keep doing it. It will eventually stop.

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 15/12/2018 17:29

Mils boyfriends Mum died...

We were already in a relationship when this started. This wasn’t a thing when I met him. He was still living at his mums. Mil owns her home so it was housing benefit fraud, but benefits that she entitled to being a single widowed mother while she was out of work’ (or working minimal hours)

OP posts:
Original poster
JKCR2017 · 15/12/2018 17:31

His mum died and we appear to getting letters regarding her empty house, council tax, from the bank etc

OP posts:
DandelionsAreNotLions · 15/12/2018 17:38

Don't open his post to add a note in. Dont bin the post either.
These used to be illegal and thing they still are.

Just write "return to sender" with no other comment a stick them in the post box.

DandelionsAreNotLions · 15/12/2018 17:40

think they still are.

DandelionsAreNotLions · 15/12/2018 17:43

According to the Postal Services Act 2000, it is illegal to open mail that is not addressed to you, unless you can show reasonable excuse. I don't think that as it had someone else's name on it, it could deemed as reasonable excuse.

Please don't advice anyone to open letters not addressed to themselves.

DandelionsAreNotLions · 15/12/2018 17:44

My fingers are freezing . Typos galore.

strawberrypenguin · 15/12/2018 17:50

Just write 'not know at this address' on them and pop them back in the post.

Jux · 15/12/2018 18:47

They are different departments at the council, and they don't (or can't) cross check. Send the stuff back, adding clearly when he 'moved out'. Extricate yourself.

I would open some of them and then phone wherever they're from to be sure they get it right. If you don't to do that yet, just send them back as advised, and then start opening and phoning any more that come.

You don't want bailiffs turning up.

ShannonRockallMalin · 15/12/2018 19:03

I would imagine that if you’re mainly getting letters regarding his deceased mother, it’s something to do with him being named as next of kin on her records, still with your address as no one has changed it.

I agree with PPs that if he can’t be bothered to collect the mail, just return to sender. I’m still returning stuff to sender for the previous owners of my house and I’ve been here for four years!