To ask DH to be awake / asleep at reasonable times...

[NotOnTheBench]

...otherwise we will never spend 'quality time' together!

We both work ft, but recently he's been wfh, so I'm always up + out before he even gets up. When I come home, no housework has been done (he tends to get so focussed on work, he'll keep going until he's done, whereas I need a break so if wfh I'll break for lunch + do housework then). When I come home, I'll go for a run (3x pw) and then get housework sorted + cook dinner (or we eat v late if he cooks).

Our 3 DSs are now old enough to cook for themselves so no issues there.

Trouble is that he gets up really late all week and weekend, so ends up going to bed often 3hrs or more after me. As a result we don't have sex during the week. At weekends, I get up some Saturdays to do parkrun (which starts at 9am so I'm out at 0815ish). Hardly regular as in the last 9 years, I've managed 31 runs! I like my lie ins too! However I still get up much earlier than him as he's usually done his 0330 to bed routine on a Friday night so is deeply asleep when I get up. If I wake him up for sex we might have sex but then he goes back to sleep for hours + I get up on my own + get on with life.

I'm resenting his living in a different time zone + he feels resentment cos he's not getting his end away.

Who's being more unreasonable + what did other MNers do if in same situation?

It depends on your version of reasonable- if you want him to change his schedule to suit you, then I think YABU, but if you want to reach a compromise then it shouldn't be impossible to work out times when you can stay up late together and others when you can get up early together depending on what you have on.

YABU to expect him to get housework done when he's working all day (albeit from home). He wouldn't pop home on his lunch to do the dishes!

I think I live in the same time zone as your DH and I realise how difficult it is for other people to deal with. As I'm on my own it doesn't really bother anyone else at the moment. As a natural owl (with ME also) it is a struggle for me to function in the mornings, feeling groggy and horrible and it's difficult to change. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a compromise, maybe not for him to keep the same hours as you, but meeting half way between. When I've lived with other people I've started to mirror their sleeping habits a bit. As a married couple and family I don't think you're being at all unreasonable in asking him to adjust his hours

Also, re the housework, I don't think it would be reasonable to expect him to be doing proper housework when he's working from home unless you know there are days where he doesn't really actually have any work to do. What I would expect is that he tidies up after himself, so if he has lunch at home, he washes his plates/cups, puts them away and so on rather than creating a mess for you to come home and tidy up like my STBXH did when he was at home all day.

YABU. He is working from home, not a SAHP so why would he be doing housework during his working day?

Why don't you give up running if you are so keen to spend more quality time together? Or is it only him that has to "compromise"?

I have a similar schedule to your DH and my DH, who has a "normal" schedule, stays up later so we can spend time together and ends up going to bed "only" about 1.5 hours before me. I start work fairly late and he would never dream of telling me to get up at the same time as him!

I also don't get why you can't have sex midweek after dinner or any time over the weekend after your run.