to think my dd is unbearable (lighthearted ish)

[BringBiscuits]

She is nearly 11. She is a nightmare to live with at the minute. She is stroppy, selfish and moody. She's just thrown a fit about spilling tomato ketchup on her only white sock ?? She says she doesn't have time to help clear the table because she has to do her hair for a party she is going to in 40 minutes. She leaves the place a mess.... I could go on...

If this is the start on the teenage years I'm not sure I can cope. She can be really mean to her brother especially and is generally just not very nice. I find my patience wearing thin and I probably don't handle it well. I get mad and an argument blows up.

Yes, this is the start of it.

Welcome to the next 8 years of your life.

Really? Is this normal? How do people cope? She's been like this for about 6 months but it is getting worse. Spending time with her is just hard work at the minute. Family time is not much fun at all at the minute. Is this really what the teenage years are like? I have nephews and nieces and I don't think they were anything like this.

Anyone come through the other side of this that can offer some advice on how to deal with the daily tantrums?

You learn to choose your battles, ignore the smaller irritating rudeness, and generally workout your jaw through copious tongue biting. Occasionally, they will show signs of the lovely adult they will no doubt become, though those signs may be few and far between. For us 14 was by far the worst year, the older they get the harder it is, as they have more independence and are more able to provide a reasoned argument about why you are wrong, even if you aren’t.

On a serious note, try( even if you are gritting) your teeth, to spend half an hour each week doing something that they choose and enjoy, even if you hate every last mortal second, pretend you are enjoying it, it will pay dividends. Cars are good opportunities to chat with it being less confrontational, and if they are talking, do your best to make time to listen, you don’y want them to stop talking to you.

Maybe she's about to start her periods or worried about secondary school? My dd could be a nightmare at that age.
Sorry to say but it continued on and off till age 18.
My ds was a pain too. Not so much the moods just the general thoughtless/awful friends age about 14 and laziness.

Why are you letting an 11 year old hold you hostage? (I have two twelve year olds and a fourteen year old.). That bullshit doesn't fly with me. She can tantrum all she likes, but if the table isn't done, the party doesn't happen - even if her hair is PERFECT. Yes, you can expect this shit, but how you react to it now sets up how often and how long it lasts. They are basically toddlers with bigger words.