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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just comparing set ups

4 replies

Middlrm · 15/12/2018 11:33

Hi I am a new mum, first time and trying to figure if it’s hormones and lack of sleep that makes a conversation with my husband ( who is amazing and a great dad just we perhaps on different pages )

My beautiful baby of 22 days just doesn’t sleep at night from 6pm to 6am he will cry / can be soothed in arms and fall asleep in arms but will scream when I put him down.

In the day he is an angel 😇 will sleep for 2 hour stretches and only be awake for hour periods and sleeps marvellously in his crib.

We have tried lots but I think it’s just his body clock

Husband and I have split the night into shifts whilst he is on leave 10-4 ( which often he gets ) sleep in spare room and then 4 am - 7am/ 8am

Now he is due back at work on Monday and he is working at london and will need to be there for 11am and won’t be back until 7pm

He has announced that he can’t see to the baby as he needs sleep for work.

Which means I will need to cover the full night and all day on the basis that I can nap in day. ( presumably he doesn’t want laundered clothes / dinner / clean house )

But to top it off he has invited his mum around Monday morning to hold the baby ( I love his mum ) but the baby will be asleep her presence will be keeping me awake / from doing chores. How is this help? ( or perhaps I am being a cow ) but the baby is I
Fine In the day so all she will get is time with an angel sleeping baby while I try not to nod of cause I have had 2 hours kip if he has fallen asleep at 6am.

Sounds dramatic but I am breast and formula feeding sowach morning I breast pump/ disinfect sides / sink / prep bottles / load laundry / empty washing machine / put away dry laundry - and try and neck some
Breakfast in my couple of hours ( which is a priority as baby has a cold my milk is nearly gone but trying g to keep the little i have going / baby has reflux so goes through clothes and bedding like a pro and I don’t want him dirty / wet or cold / we have cats that I know when I am not looking jump on the sides ) oh and feeding the cats

Then there will be dinner to prepare / and on occasion hoovering / 2 bathrooms to clean bedding to launder ... kitchen to clean I am sure I will get a routine ... but do
By see there is as much nap time as he seems to think.

I asked if when he came home perhaps he could have baby for a couple of hours while I sleep like 2 max and that’s fine as long as he has had his dinner and been to the loo
This is crass but he has like 30 minuets I. The loo every night he comes Home and dinner to be cooked fed and tidied away ( S bubba will be wide. Awake so He won’t be able to do it and that means it either fine the or added onto my jobs for the next day.

I just feel the expectation should be he gets 6-7 hours kip but surely when travel allowa he could let me sleep an hour or two in the night ... and why the hell did he invite his mum over when I will have had 2 hours kip at best ... i haven’t invited my own mum over because I want to get used to my new routine, and figure out what I can handle and baby will allow )

Well feel better now I have ranted. And I understand there are single parents out there that have to do it alone but then they don’t have his washing / dinner to do. And I was t expecting to feel in a way like I am on my own.

OP posts:
Middlrm · 15/12/2018 11:35

Sorry typing is appalling

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 15/12/2018 11:44

We intend our set up when baby arrives to be DH gets to sleep at night because he’ll be driving in the morning and I don’t want him driving tired. But I fully expect he will pull his weight at other times of day and he wouldn’t leave me with all the housework.

If it doesn’t work for you tell him that.

Tell him he can uninvite his mum without blaming you or you’ll disconnect the doorbell, lock the door and be asleep upstairs when she arrives.

Juells · 15/12/2018 11:51

Tell him he can uninvite his mum without blaming you or you’ll disconnect the doorbell, lock the door and be asleep upstairs when she arrives.

^^ this

Middlrm · 15/12/2018 12:05

Thanks I guess we just haven’t discussed it in full enough. He has been amazing on leave so sure I am being dramatic and it’s not as bad as it seems

OP posts:
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