Checking partners phone

[stopitandtidyupp]

At a works Christmas party last night ,my friend said her husband was out and she didn't want to get too drunk so she could stay awake and check her husbands phone.

I asked her if she had any reason to doubt him she said no she is just anxious and it makes her feel better to see nothing there.

She said that she waits for him to drunkly fall asleep and uses his finger to unlock it. Apparently it only works when he is drunk or he wakes up and an argument ensues.

It would not even cross my mind to do this. Not healthy is it?

It really isn't healthy, and using his own finger to access it creeps me out massively

The fact she waits until he is drunk and asleep is absolutely not healthy.

That they've argued about it when he's awake and sober means he probably knows she does it and would hide anything he didn't want her to see.

Your friend really needs to sort her trust/anxiety issues as this is something which could destroy the relationship if it's otherwise ok.

If he's having an affair, he'll cover his online tracks carefully, knowing what she's like. So, in this case, snooping is futile as well as weird.

i honestly think you only check if you have a feeling that there might be something to find or if she has found something in the past. I used to check my ex's all the time (he was up to no good) and I still remember that gut wrenching feeling I got going through it even when there was nothing there. I haven't once checked my current partner's phone in 3.5 years as I have no reason to.

This is not acceptable, and it wouldn’t be even if she had a reason to suspect him. It’s a huge invasion of his privacy and shows there a trust issues that means their relationship is dead in the water anyway.

Wow see this is abuse, she is literally usibg his finger to access his phone to check up on him. If this was a man doing it to a woman all hell would break loose! She casually says it as if its just run of the mill. She needs to get a grip or she faces loosing him and if I was you I'd loose total respect for her. She doesn't even have any evidence he's cheating so why is she doing it?? If shes been cheated on previously then she needs to get some counselling to help her through that.

Their relationship is over, and I would tell her to leave with dignity before he catches her again.

Their relationship is over, and I would tell her to leave with dignity before he catches her again.

Do you think it's that bad? I know she has anxiety.

I guess for me checking of my phone would be the end. As there's no trust so maybe you are right.

NO I would never do that. My DH and I know each other's pin-codes and would go on to look for information we needed (e.g. the other day he was in the shower and I checked his texts to see when his mum was arriving) but I would be very uncomfortable with actually snooping behind his back and would be livid if he did it to me.