To not tell my ex I'm getting married?

[Kentishtown2]

Asking on behalf of my friend, she's got three dcs 18, 17 and 15. She's been divorced for 10 years, she's getting married soon and doesn't really want to tell her ex. She doesn't have a good relationship with him, and she feels like her kids are nearly young adults, they see their father when they want so there's no need to tell him. She knows her kids will tell him, but she doesn't want to speak to him. What do you think?

I'm not sure why she would tell him?

Nothing to do with him.

If they were amicable it would be considerate to tell him. As they are not 1) why should she? 2) it might be perceived as showing off

It’s none of his business tbh.

It's a pretty big deal in their joint children's lives so I think I would say something.

It won't make any difference to him so don't tell him.

I wouldn't bother, my ex didn't tell me he was getting married and we speak every week (young dcs spend weekends with him)

I wouldnt tell my stbxh the time. She is dnbu.

I wouldn't bother personally

As you say, the kids will tell him anyway.

Absolutely none of his business. She is not required to tell him anything.

Your 15 year old is soon old enough to be a mother and wife herself. It is not your friends job to keep her xh informed.

What purpose would it serve to tell him?

He doesn't need to know, she doesn't want to tell him, so what's the problem?

I didn't tell my ex that I was getting married. Our kids were 14 and 12 at the time, but I still left it up to them to mention it. To be fair it's a pattern he set by not mentioning any of his relationships at all.

I think it's unfair to put the burden on the children of either keeping it secret or being the one to tell him & dealing with the fall out.

They're not adults yet, it's not their issue but they're caught in the middle.

She should hell him.

Your 15 year old is soon old enough to be a mother and wife herself.

Is she??

Not sure - we told our exh/exw when we got married - it seemed the.polite thing to do. But we’re all very amicable. I don’t think I’d rush to tell him if you’re not friendly / in contact normally

I would say it's important to let your partner know if someone new enters your kids lives while they are children - so when a new partner is going to move in. They deserve to be kept updated on the living situation of their children, even if they can't stop you from doing what you want.

If the long-term partner has already been living with the children though, the marriage will not really impact their lives in any noticeable way, it's a change of status for the couple, that's all. So no need to tell him.

That's my opinion in any case, and what I'd like from my ex at the very least.

Honestly, depends upon his likely reaction. If this is likely to be unpleasantly negative, then it is unfair on the DCs for them to have to be the ones experiencing it.

The kids should not have to tell him. All she has to do is send him a text or email.

It's always bettter for the other parent to know about big changes in the childs life in case it effects their behavior and so that they have somebody to talk to about their concerns.

However, considering the children's ages, I'm sure he already knows.

My ex is engaged, he didnt tell me or his adult kids. I dont really care what he does, im well rid lol