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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this person made me feel a bit rubbish

31 replies

Amazona24 · 14/12/2018 19:30

A guy on Instagram put as his story something about it's exhausting being strong when really your close to the edge. I messaged him saying are you ok and he replied the best I can be. So I replied saying I knew we weren't friends but I could lend an ear. I said I know how he felt as I had been there and I went to get help and it really helped. Thinking I was being kind. Next thing I realise he unfollowed me. Did I do something wrong? Don't think I did? Thinking about it now I feel he was attention seeking a bit as a few weeks ago he put something about a girl ignoring him. So maybe this was his way to get her attention? Bit annoyed he has made me feel like I've done something wrong when I was just being a decent human.

OP posts:
Procne · 14/12/2018 19:34

But is this person actually a friend of yours, or a total stranger whose Instagram feed you follow, and who posts those deliberately mysterious ‘Goodbye, Cruel World’ statements designed to make his followers fall over themselves with concern?

Pachyderm1 · 14/12/2018 19:34

I think you were trying to do a nice thing and be decent but he maybe just found it a bit too much? He maybe felt awkward or found it intrusive. I think it was nice of you to reach out in the first place but maybe you should have left it at your first comment.

Namelessinseattle · 14/12/2018 19:36

But you don’t know how he feels do you?

Ohyesiam · 14/12/2018 19:40

You’ve no way of knowing what was going onfor him. He could have been attention seeking from someone else, had at sortof hidden agenda, or have been being really honest.
You acted from a good place and that’s the best we can ever do . Don’t doubt yourself if you know you did the right thing.

Original poster
Amazona24 · 14/12/2018 19:41

He isn't a complete stranger no. Met about 6 years ago at a wedding. Not friends really just see updates on social media. I just feel like why post that kind of stuff if you're not reaching out for help? I've been in a bad place before, I didn't post anything though but would have been great if I had someone who understood me. Get that not everyone is the same though

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 14/12/2018 19:42

You acted appropriately for what he had publicly declared. Maybe what he publicly declared wasn’t quite reality?

Auntiepatricia · 14/12/2018 19:43

OP you might have been a lifeline to someone else. Forget about him. You offered, he declined.

Original poster
Amazona24 · 14/12/2018 19:46

If it wasn't really his reality and was just trying to get someone's attention then that's really sad. And mocks mental health. Not something to be mocked. I wouldn't want it to put me off lending an ear to another person but he's made me feel like I shouldn't intrude

OP posts:
ButteryParsnips · 14/12/2018 19:47

I'm guessing his statements glossed over a few things he didn't want to share. You made the offer and tried to do the right thing. That's all you can do.

formerbabe · 14/12/2018 19:50

The only appropriate response is

"U ok hun? pm me"

Original poster
Amazona24 · 14/12/2018 19:51

former I did message saying you ok?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 14/12/2018 19:51

Or maybe he really is struggling but does not want to open up to you for whatever reason.

It's his social media and he's free to post on it whatever he wants and follow/ unfollow who he wants.

Icecreamdreams · 14/12/2018 19:54

That’s shit @Amazona24. Don’t let it make you feel bad or deter you from reaching out in the future, you did a lovely thing. Forget about him.

BrendasUmbrella · 14/12/2018 19:55

Maybe it was a passive aggressive message to a girlfriend/boyfriend? Or maybe he wanted the attention of one particular person?

Anyway, you did something nice by reaching out so don't feel rubbish.

formerbabe · 14/12/2018 19:57

Amazona24

Sorry, I know you did...but "u ok hun? Pm me?" is known as the stereotypical response to vague, attention seeking posts on social media.

Pernickity1 · 14/12/2018 19:58

Don’t feel bad OP! You did a kind thing. But in my experience there is a certain type of person who posts things like that for all and sundry to see and it’s usually the attention seeking types. He was probably embarrassed (and rightly so if he is the type to talk nonsense for attention).

On the other hand, if I were a less cynical person I might think he got uncomfortable with being probed further about his mental health, was scared to talk more about it, clammed up and ran away from the situation (by blocking you).

I’d be inclined to go with option A though Grin

DistanceCall · 14/12/2018 20:08

Bit annoyed he has made me feel like I've done something wrong when I was just being a decent human.

He hasn't "made you feel" anything. He probably thought you were coming on too strong and withdrew. He was entitled to that.

Neither of you did anything wrong. Don't take it so personally.

brizzledrizzle · 14/12/2018 20:08

OP, watch - it's always good to help - you never know how much you can make a difference/

Pachyderm1 · 14/12/2018 20:11

He wasn’t necessarily mocking mental health. Just because he didn’t want to share with you, doesn’t mean he wasn’t genuinely reaching out. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, it just means you weren’t what he needed. That’s ok.

SexNotJenga · 14/12/2018 20:16

You did a kind thing in reaching out, he chose not to confide in an almost-stranger. No one has done anything wrong.

AnoukSpirit · 14/12/2018 20:18

It doesn't have to be a "cry for help", it can just be a need to speak honestly, record their thoughts, express their feelings without expecting or wanting a response. Nobody is obliged to hide their thoughts and feelings away in a private journal or alone in their head if they don't want to. Have you never thought aloud? Never felt that you shouldn't have to pretend to be ok when you're not?

As for "attention seeking"... Every single person who has ever started a thread on mumsnet was technically "attention seeking" so it's a bit prejudiced to use it as an insult exclusively for anybody who dared to do the same on the topic of their own mental health.

Humans seek attention from one another. It's a basic need, who we are and what we do. That's what we're all doing on this site right now.

Birdsgottafly · 14/12/2018 20:21

"He isn't a complete stranger no. Met about 6 years ago at a wedding."

He's a stranger.

He was attention seeking. You overshared.

It's over and done with, but don't take Instagram posts so seriously.

Pernickity1 · 14/12/2018 20:24

Humans seek attention from one another. It's a basic need, who we are and what we do. That's what we're all doing on this site right now.

Interacting and sharing opinions on an anonymous forum isn’t quite the same as posting cryptic nonsense on your public profile though.

CoughLaughFart · 14/12/2018 20:26

Haven’t you ever posted something on social media that was a little bit too honest for public consumption when you were feeling down (or possibly a little tipsy)? He might just be feeling embarrassed about over-sharing and that someone he’s met once, years ago, has drawn attention to it.

BobLemon · 14/12/2018 20:27

Oh bless you, OP.

Both for doing the right thing and your sweetly innocent response to the above PP with the “you ok Hun” thing!!

You evidently must have a nice circle of contacts on your social media, if you’re not yet cynical and alive to the vacuous attention seeking which exists on SM.

It sounds like the person you’ve so kindly tried to help, requires no help at all and is targeting someone else. I suspect they’ve unfollowed you as they’re embarrassed that they’ve impersonated someone who is truly in need. Xx

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