To feel I can't cope at Christmas without my kids?

[bluecanoeforyou]

Single parent here, majority custody. I split Christmases with my exDH 50/50 (more to keep the peace than anything else) and this year it's his turn. DCs are 6 and 8.

I've been really really down about this the last month or so, to the point where I've found it hard to get ready for Christmas. I'm spending the time the kids are away with my DP who we're moving in with next year and he's been really good in helping me feel better about them being away - we're going to do lots of adult things the kids couldn't come along to - but I still feel quite heartbroken about the whole thing.

IMO Christmas is so special with kids and there almost is no point to spend it without them. AIBU to feel this way? How do you cope?

6th Jan Christmas isn't a European tradition, it's Christmas eve for religious Orthodox people

I'm infertile so every xmas is crap and a kick in the guts
this year it's cancelled as I've now got an £900 bill to pay for my car being fixed. In a new job and just can't seem to get back on my feet

it's terrible

can you share xmas with him? this is what we did. We did a huge blended family xmas.

my and exh's kids, exh's new girlfriend's son, exh's mother, exh's gf's brothers, my sister, her 4 kids - there were about 20 of us but we all got to be together

I had the kids xmas eve and xmas day in the morning till after lunch. Then when lunch was finished, the kids went back to exh's to do xmas dinner and boxing day with other people.

I told my ex that, as it was his choice to break up the family, he lost the chance to spend Christmas Day with his children.

He has them Boxing Day and does a big Christmas Day with them then. But they spend the day with me. And always have. They have the choice (19 and 13) but always choose home.

I would also suggest you speak to him about it. It doesn't sound like he'd miss it much.

At least you have a dp to be with. Try having no kids with you on the day no family no friends free no money to go away with or for fancy foods. Then try and cope Helpful...

Goblinsandghouls why the face????

Must be so nice to to be so smug

It’s a thread about shared care of children at Christmas.

In case you missed it, Yummytummy123 ...

It’s a thread about shared care of children at Christmas.

If you want to talk about something else, start your own thread.

I have mine in the morning until 10am then they are both going to their dads. I’m then going to dp’s with his family (gulp). I’ve met them all individually but never all at once, and there is a lot of them!

I know I’m lucky to see mine in the morning, but I do understand how you feel. I feel bad, so can only imagine how much worse you feel.

But I’m looking at the plus side, no worrying about them, keeping them fed,( I am making dinner at dp’s double gulp), being able to have one too many and roll into bed, being able to wake up with a hang over and stay in bed! (Only takes 3 glasses for me!).

As I said mine are older then yours. But ds14 said a week ago that he liked spliting Christmas as he didn’t have to feel guilty about not seeing the other parent. Ds18 used to do alternate Christmas, and he was telling ds14 how he enjoyed it as he didn’t feel guilty about the other parent too.

This had never crossed our minds as parents, but it’s surprising how kids think.

@DaffoDeffo he did say this to me once but not sure how i feel about it - he has a very large (and noisy!) family and I'd worried I'd feel like a spare part. This might be different now I have DP and we could all spend it together in some way.

He lives 3 hours away which is a shame, a split day would be the dream!

@loubluee good luck with your dinner! We're cooking together for the first time which I'm really looking forward to.

I'd love to split the day but he's 3 hours away so just not possible.

@GoblinsAndGhouls I wish I'd gone with this strategy!

bluecanoeforyou

If your children are old enough to start asking to spend Christmas at home, perhaps it's time to review the situation?

You agreed to 50/50 at Christmas just to keep the peace? How about fairness?

Spending it on a Muslim country isn't the answer actually - I'm an expat teacher & have just returned from our Christmas PTA bazaar...an entire soccer field of stalls, several 1000 people, Santa giving rides on his camels....

My kids are with their dad every Xmas (since we live 4000km away from him, this seemed fair).

I fly to the UK to hand them over, then bugger off somewhere nice, where I can wander amongst fancy architecture, do grown up shopping, & drink LOTS of posh wine.

It's the only way. I've tried spending it with family/friends in the UK. Totally miserable.

@PurpleCrowbar santa giving rides on his camels

I think doing only grown-up stuff for the time they're away is the answer!!

@masterandmargarita at the time he went I was left with a 6 month old and 2 yo having been worn down by him for years- I had no income, debts he left me with and no idea what to do. I didn't know my arse from my elbow.
If he left me again 6 years down the road now I'm confident and ballsy it'd definitely be a completely different deal!!

for you OP. It sounds so tough for you.

My aunt has the same custody arrangement and ignores Christmas altogether when the kids aren’t with her. She checks herself into a nice hotel, swims, watches movies and treats it as a pamper day, really. Could you and your DP go away for a few days? Doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy, just to take your mind off it for a few days?

10% of the time with him is one Christmas in 10. Not his turn yet.