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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is out of order. Am still annoyed!

23 replies

Lollyice · 14/12/2018 13:01

Was dropping the kids off at school this morning and had a quick chat with the gran of a girl in dd's year.
The gran turned to dd and said 'did you forget to invite granddaughter to your party. Dd didn't realise what she'd been asked so the lady repeated herself. I moved between the lady and DD and just said, oh, she only invited 4 kids from school.
DD was 7 three weeks ago and invited 4 friends from school to an activity party.
I was gobsmacked. Do I now have to justify party invites???
Should I say something at home time or ignore. Am too annoyed to think rationally.

OP posts:

chunkyjumper · 14/12/2018 13:04

I would be annoyed too! What a cheek! Not sure I’d say anything though, you don’t need to justify yourself.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/12/2018 13:05

I'd be soo annoyed, and tempted to say to her at home time "could you next time ask me about party invites, its not really appropriate to quiz a 7 year old"...however does depend how old the nan is, if we are talking 70s+ dont bother, you will always look like the bad guy.

RebootYourEngine · 14/12/2018 13:11

What a CF. What did the woman say to you saying that only 4 kids were invited?

blackteasplease · 14/12/2018 13:11

could you next time ask me about party invites, its not really appropriate to quiz a 7 year old

^^
I'd say this. I mean sometimes it's really.mean when one child of a friendship group is left out - and it's always the sensitive one who struggles with confidence already. But no good ever came from adults quizzing small children like this!

Nothininmenoggin · 14/12/2018 13:22

Very rude, especially quizzing a 7 year old about it. I would ignore it at least you will know not to invite dear gd next year.

Original poster

Lollyice · 14/12/2018 13:25

The lady is under 60. When I told her only 4 kids from school came she turned her back to me.
Thanks onlyfools, that's exactly what I'm going to say at home time if I need to. I'm not good with confrontation but feels necessary today.

OP posts:

ellesworth · 14/12/2018 13:27

Rude. Had an encounter with one of these CFs myself, DS had a party a couple of years ago and it was at a soft play so pay per child. One of the distant in-laws tried to scadge an invite for her daughter. Then two days before the party she tried to invite her 1yo child as well.

AlpacaPicnic · 14/12/2018 13:31

'Dd didn't have a party, she had an outing with a few close friends'
And mutter 'you cheeky baggage' under your breath. But just loud enough for her to hear. It's not on to put pressure on a child like that.

Topseyt · 14/12/2018 13:36

She was very rude and entitled. I like the "don't quiz a 7 year old" response. Add perhaps that as you are the parent and funding things you kept tight control of the numbers and had no intention of letting it run away with you this time.

This inviting the whole class thing has to stop at some point, and generally has by your DD's age. They can be in fairly settled (ish) friendship groups then, and only inviting four is fine.

jessstan2 · 14/12/2018 13:36

The grandmother shouldn't have said anything, not her business at all. How embarrassing, I bet the child's parents wouldn't even have thought of it. However, grandparents are a bit 'precious' with their grandkids.

Try to put it out of your mind.

KitKat1985 · 14/12/2018 13:37

Very rude, and especially to address it to your DD like that.

Was it possible this gran had misunderstood something her grand-daughter had said and thought the whole class had been invited except her grand-daughter possibly? It's the only reason I can really imagine for getting miffed about not getting an invite.

Original poster

Lollyice · 14/12/2018 13:39

AlpacaPicnic lol @ 'you cheeky baggage'
If I was brave/quick/ witty enough I'd love to have said 'sorry love, she didn't make the cut'

OP posts:

Ilikethedaffodils · 14/12/2018 13:42

My friend, a primary school teacher, had to "sack" one of her parent volunteer readers. The woman in question upset one of the children she was reading with by using her actual reading time to ask her why her own daughter hadn't been invited to her party!

Original poster

Lollyice · 14/12/2018 13:49

The girl is in dd's year group but a different class. We did keep the numbers low as dd wanted to invite her cousins and it wasn't cheap.
It was her directly addressing my dd that has annoyed me so much.

OP posts:

AlpacaPicnic · 14/12/2018 13:52

Love 'didnt make the cut!'
She's not even in your DDs class?! Wtf is she thinking?

glamorousgrandmother · 14/12/2018 14:21

The Head Teacher at my grandson's school told him he was mean for not inviting all of his class to his party. It had been a pay per child event and he had a lot of relatives and friends out of school. Not that he should have to justify it anyway.

mcmooberry · 14/12/2018 14:27

Good grief I hope this doesn't happen to me, my DS is only inviting 4 to his day out (one of whom is my choice as her parents have given him a few lifts recently don't want to be a CF!)
If the girl was a very close friend who you had for an inexplicable reason left out (and that happens!) then ok to tackle you imo but never ok to say anything to the child!! Now that you have gathered your wits I would say something at home time or text the mother saying only 4 invited and you did not appreciate GM tackling your DD about it.

IamSusan · 14/12/2018 14:37

"no we didn't forget, we just didn't want to invite her"
would have been my reply!

I would have a word at home, and explain about rude and entitled people but that it doesn't make them right.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 14/12/2018 14:40

It's a bit of an odd thing to say. Obviously her DGD was upset about it and must have mentioned it but if you only invited 4 you didn't exclude the DGD (unless they're a group of 5 or 6 friends?). I would imagine the woman was just a bit gormless and didn't realise she was putting her foot right in it.

Rudgie47 · 14/12/2018 15:05

To me it sounds like she might not be right in the head because who would seriously hassle a 7 year old about party invites?
I think this time I would ignore her and if she does it again then tell her straight and have a word with the school as well.

Part of life is not being invited to everything, and we just have to get over it and move on.

Original poster

Lollyice · 14/12/2018 16:39

I didn't see any of the family at home time. Probably a good thing. Will have my wits about me next time

OP posts:

Iris27 · 14/12/2018 17:21

Yes she was deffo out of order.

But the replies mentioning the child "not making the cut" etc, are just as bad! Imagine that poor kid hearing that.

Flowerpot2005 · 14/12/2018 18:26

Wow totally out of order addressing your DD, I'd be furious!

These days people can't afford always afford huge parties, she should have some consideration.

Hope you're ok OP, not nice at all!

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