Scared to have sex with DH after baby

[outch]

I gave birth 6 months ago to a big baby. Complicated labour led to an episiotomy that took ages to heal. I had a really rough time with it all but I am now completely healed.

I am absolutely terrified of having sex again, though. We try, it hurts, I tense up and it's game over. I feel terrible for my DH as he's been so understanding but I do think that the lack of intimacy is putting a strain on everything.

I had a few drinks a couple of months ago and we were able to make things happen (only after me still trying to relax and admittedly it wasn't that enjoyable )

Of course, I don't want to have to drink in order to be intimate with my DH! So, what can I do? Has anyone else been through this and got through the other side?

I think 2 things. One you've have a major trauma to the area so 6 months is nothing. I had a tear. The first time or two I was aware of it and it wasn't pleasant as such. I do think you need to keep at it to sort of 'stretch ' the scarring a bit. I'm back to normal now 2 year's later

Talk to your doctor. Sex should not be painful and you can speak to people who may be able to help.

Getting right to the point: is your DH making you come without penetration? I would focus on other forms of sex for a while to give you more healing time and build your confidence. P doesn't have to go in V for it to be sex.

And what I mean by the above is that you should focus on getting each other off with hand, mouth etc and he can slowly start to include fingers in that rather than just going right to vaginal sex.

Paracetamol/whatever? It'll take the edge off. Only if you're physically healed though, and it's "just" stretching pains on the new tissue. Obviously don't mix with booze!

And lots of foreplay and lube. Be dripping before the PIV part.

I would get it checked by nurse/doctor as it shouldn't be this painful 6 months on.
I agree with countess for the mean time find other things to do that don't involve penetration. I have a little numbness after stitches 10months ago but sex wasn't painful after 2 months post partum. Weirdly though I only get pain in the areas that were stitched when I'm on my period which is nice...not. I feel for you and hope things get better!

Firstly, masturbation. I know you're probably really busy, but making some time to explore your body on your own will make a world of difference. No pressure, and much easier for you to know what works than for your husband.

Secondly, there is a LOT of sex you can have without penis in vagina. Mutual masturbation, anal sex, oral sex, just good old fashioned making out. And if you can't face that, skin on skin time in bed together is great for intimacy. But seriously, you can have a very fulfilling sex life without much penetration at all.