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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not send Christmas cards to DH's side of the family

36 replies

SadMummy231 · 14/12/2018 10:27

Basically all their addresses are stored in DH's emails and every year we go through this painful process of trying to find them in time for Christmas cards.

Generally we reserve cards for close friends and family, less than 20. This year I went to a lot of effort to make beautiful (expensive) cards of 1 yo DS printed. They arrived, I addressed mine and suggested we do his. DH couldn't be bothered to look the addresses up, he wanted to play computer games. I've suggested a couple more time since and he's batted me off. I'm fed up with trying now. He has major issues with procrastinating, that I think will only be solved by me not bailing him out.

AIBU to just leave and let his family not get Christmas cards? It will be noticed. But I'm already badgering him about more important things, I don't want to care about this anymore. The only thing that irks me is the pile of beautiful unused cards that won't be good for anything after Christmas (given DS age and the Merry Christmas message they can't be reused.)

OP posts:

PavlovianLunge · 14/12/2018 12:25

If you have word or similar, put them all on a document and print onto labels. Saves time, saves effort, saves the annual hassle of trawling through (probably many hundreds of) emails.

Original poster

SadMummy231 · 14/12/2018 13:01

I hear you, we need a better system. I'll suggest it to DH this weekend when he's at a loose end - I think the guilt will get to him and he'll do it, it's just usually a little too late!

OP posts:

needmorespace · 14/12/2018 13:10

I just really don't get this!
It seems like such a minor thing to have conflict about?
What Wednesday said.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2018 13:14

But if it's a minor thing, why can't the DH do it?

And I bet it's not the only thing. If the OPs DH did his fair share of thinking/organising/planning, then the OP would probably let the cards slide, but it's likely that it's just another thing where, if she didn't do it, or didn't prod her DH to look through his emails, it just wouldn't get done at all.

And when it seems like that for everything it's natural to think 'fuck it, I'm not doing this any more'.

Fatbutt · 14/12/2018 13:22

i would go with what @PavlovianLunge says - a word doc and print labels - maybe print an extra set and put it in with your bought in the sale christmas cards ready for next year...?

I'm not perfect and have the same rage a couple of times a year at least, but DH hasn't and probably won't ever change so the only thing in my control is to be proactive about what i can do

NanooCov · 14/12/2018 13:23

Leave it for this year but make an address list during the year and stick it on the computer. Even do a template for printed labels. Problem solved.

RossPoldarksOW · 14/12/2018 13:29

My exh left me to do everything, even his side of the family. I learnt my lesson, now DP buys his family’s presents, sends cards and I do mine. But we put both our names on them.

FairytaleOfWigan · 14/12/2018 13:52

This is another of these tasks that are so simple and straightforward that a woman can do it in 5 mins. And any woman who doesn’t is an evil trouble making feminist bitch.

But is a HUGE deal for a man to do it. He has to be begged and cajoled and have files made and labels printed for him. Or an address book created. Because it’s SOOOOOO Hard and time consuming .

Topseyt · 14/12/2018 13:52

I send the cards to my side of the family. That is just two cards. DH is supposed to sort his much bigger extended family out, but never gets round to it.

I used to do it all but have refused for the last three or four years. He hasn't done it once in that time. Last year he was ticked off by his sister and promised to get his shit together this year. So far he hasn't, as far as I can see.

No longer doing dozens of fucking Christmas cards has been liberating. It was a chore that really used to gnaw away at me and test my patience beyond endurance.

SassitudeandSparkle · 14/12/2018 14:13

Can vouch for printed address labels for envelopes, makes the job so much easier!

CantWaitToRetire · 14/12/2018 14:37

I agree that it shouldn't be your responsibility to do the cards for his side of the family, but seeing as your beautiful DS cards will otherwise go to waste, could you message or call his mum or dad and ask them to send or read out the addresses for you? I'm assuming your PIL will have the addresses if they're family. To save the problem next year, I'd suggest one of you writes them in an "old fashioned" address book.

I have two methods. I have addresses written in a book (which is full of crossings out now where people have moved) which I consult for ad hoc use, and I have a Word document that is a label template, so at this time of year I can just print the addresses off on a sheet of labels. It's easy to keep updated and saves a shed load of time when doing Christmas cards .

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