to want to club my colleague with the Christmas tree (menopause related)

[MargoLovebutter]

December is my busiest time of year at work, in addition to that I've been dealing with a very poorly ASD DS and one of my uncles died. I haven't told people at work about the very poorly DS or uncle dying as I'm not that kind of person. Work and home stay separate for me.

I'm just out of a two day meeting (who the fuck ever thought they were a good idea should also be clubbed with a Christmas tree) and in my haste to authorise expenses for my team for the pay run, I handed them over to accounts without signing one or two of them - even though I'd authorised them online.

Finance director (also female) comes into my office to get them signed and them starts sympathising with me about the menopause, how awful it is, how you lose your mind, suffer brain fog, are unable to make decisions, make endless errors and so on.

I laughed along but actually felt so pissed off that she'd assumed I was menopausal and that this meant that I'd slipped up. I never ever discuss anything like this at work, so it's not as though I'd been chuckling with everyone at the water cooler about the joys of the change of life!

I'm really good at my job and work really hard to get everything right and it terrifies me that someone thinks my hormones are calling into question my ability to do my job. Am I going to get this for the next 5/10 years at work, where everyone assumes every error I make is because I may be menopausal?

Aware that I'm probably massively over-reacting - hoping you will all beat sense into me.

Ywnbu to shove mince pies up her arse and offer her some cream for them.....

I would have given her the sideways look and commenting that she was brave to tackle a menopausal women as we can be unpredictably irritated.
Or if she is much younger sympathize and ask what her best tips are?

Initially I felt as you did, OP, but on reflection I wonder if we’re judging her too hastily.
If she’s a similar age to you, she may have just tried to be friendly, establish a “females together”bit of bonding, and show you that she’s not being nasty about the missed signatures, just laughing them off with you as a menopause thing?
She doesn’t know that you are stressed at home and take great professional pride in your job, and that you’re insulted that she thinks you would ever let hormones affect your efficiency!
It might have been an opportunity to tell her briefly that you’re dealing with a bereavement and family issues - she sounds like she would have been kind and understanding about it, and you could have off loaded a bit and been comforted.
You are allowed to be human, OP!
And at the risk of being similarly rebuffed, I’d like to send you a hug, and my prayers that things get easier for you. God bless.

Does this come under age-related discrimination, is she much younger than you & assuming things about your performance due to age? I feel over-serious saying that about that coz I can pretty comfortably admit to my weaknesses, but it was a big projection on her part.

If she's similar or older age, then yeah, you're probably over-reacting. It was just idle chit chat to smooth over an inconvenience (which you caused).

Unless I thought it would harm me in future that I didn't correct her assumptions.... In my job, I'd be amused that someone thought all of that, and I'd just file it away as HER issues she had projected. I work in a very egalitarian industry, though, people take you as you are & judge for what you've done and are doing, rather than decide what you can do because of who/what you are.

No, you are not over-reacting. What a ridiculous assumption on her part and then to go on about at length makes it worse. People of all ages and of both sexes occasionally forget to sign forms (some even do it habitually). Some even when they don't have any particular stress in their lives. Having gone through the menopause without experiencing any of the nonsense she is alluding to, I would have had a stern word at the time.

A ridiculous assumption on her part, however if you're usually spot on with your work maybe she thinks there must be some reason for this mistake, and as you haven't mentioned any personal issues, she's gone with one she thinks might be relevant. I wouldn't take offence. Some people just don't think, and it's not personal.

I would ask her if she was perhaps projecting, raise an eyebrow, sign the things and get on with it...

Thanks all - some good perspectives here. Feel less oppressed by my hormones now! Been a long week - need .

YDNBU

She's a cheeky, ignorant cow 😡

I'm also (several years) post-meno, but noone at work has ever been so rude as to suggest it affects my work,
or even to mention it

Hopefully she's a lone fuckwit and hasn't left fuckwit cooties anywhere

She’s probably feeling oppressed by her hormones and needed to talk about it. It gave her an out to do so.

"People of all ages and of both sexes occasionally forget to sign forms (some even do it habitually)."

Yes but when is Women do it, or become assertive, its our hormones and we're not to be taken seriously.

Tbh, OP, it should have been dealt with there and then and you should have said that it was an oversight, thanks to the two day meeting.

Ywnbu to shove mince pies up her arse and offer her some cream for them.....