To help my bf pay the rent

[InTheWrongPlace]

Is it okay to help a new bf to pay his rent? Would others do the same?

No, he has shown you that he is not financially responsible. Is he solvent? He could be dragging you into much deeper money problems. Someone who can't afford their rent is an immediate turn off. And why now? Is he up to date on his rent? Snag has changed to mean he suddenly can't afford it. I'd run!!

Noooooo!

If I was there all the time, I'd probably contribute to the bills alright. Similarly, if I guy was staying at mine all the time, I'd like him to contribute.

Umm no
Why would you give a new boyfriend money? Why can't he pay his own rent? What did he do before you?

I did it a few years ago for an ex and never got the money back ,do not do it

Unless you're staying at his most of the time, eating his food, using his gas and electric, then no.

TheBaltictriangle, we do need more detail, though.

My Student Finance hadn't come through, one time. I was a Widowed LP and my BF, of seven months payed my rent, direst to my LL, so I wasn't stressed about Christmas etc.

NO

@Birdsgottafly
Is it okay to help a new bf to pay his rent? Would others do the same?

Her post has enough information to tell me that her boundaries are skewed.

Thing is "new" is relative so 3 weeks or 6 months?
Did his car break down, his washing machine blow up and someone clone his card and empty his account?
Or did he spend it all on clothes and drink, then moan he's skint again?

Is it £50 or £1000

Did he say I can pay you back on X, its just a temporary glitch or was in an open ended request

Does he work?

I can see a scenario where.id have lent it and one where I'd have dumped and run

Only if you can afford to write off the money.

And you are comfortable paying to have him in your life.

Otherwise, too darn complicated.

New boyfriend? Don’t do it. If he’s decent he wouldn’t expect you to and shouldn’t accept it. If he’s not decent this won’t be the last time he leeches off of you.

This. At the very least wait until you know whether he's a long term prospect (although if he's asking to borrown money so soon, then the answer is probably no)

Can't see an issue with it depending on the amount, the length of relationship and why he needs it. I remember paying my then gf's rent quite a few times. Probably 18 months to 2 years into the relationship. She was a student and I was working but living with my parents so it was a no brainer.

Now 30+ years on she earns more than twice than me and we're still going.

@NewGrandad 18 months in a relationship isn't new. This relationship sounds like it is less than 3 months.

Tell him there ain't nothing going on but the rent and to sort his life out

No. Iron rule: never give a boyfriend money.

I have learnt this because I had no boundaries in the past.

I don't know I don't think it's black and whit4. I lent my now-husband a few hundred quid about 4 months into our new relationship. While I trusted him, I did have in the back of my mind that he could be using me. But he was desperate and it was a difficult time for his business. He paid me back promptly and he was so embarrassed about the situation....so I was just happy I had been in a position to help. But my husband is really generous with his time and money, and would drop everything to help his family and friends...so his request wasn't that odd in that context as he would have done the same for me.

You'll know your boyfriend better than we do, so if you have the money, personally I'd help out but in the knowledge that he may never pay you back (which would be a red flag). Another massive red flag is if this becomes a regular expectation.

But you’d just say “today”.

Well this is entirely the wrong thread...

@AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe
That's why I said

"Can't see an issue with it depending on the length of relationship."

Over a relationship of 30+ years 18 months is new. A relationship of 6 months what is new?

We don't know how long this relationship is.