To not use maintenance money to buy ex presents

[AFOLNerd]

Very short version. Ex is a dick. He was abusive to me throughout the relationship and dd has been nc with him for 3 years due to emotional abuse. She has been in counselling for most of that time due to what he put her through. Ds continues to have eow contact with ex. He is a nasty piece of work and his only redeeming feature is that he pays maintenance every month.

Ds has asked for money to buy ex a Xmas present. We don’t really have any spare money at the end of the month and our car got written off 2 weeks ago which hasn’t helped.

Ex doesn’t take the kids shopping for presents for me, my partner and mum do that. In fact ex won’t pay for anything extra the kids need ever as “that’s what maintenance is for” he will take him for a haircut if I transfer the money first!

Ex is apparently expecting ds to purchase him lots of gifts for Xmas.

Aibu to say that if ex wants presents from ds then his wife should be sorting it not me? Ds has no income other than minimal pocket money.

Give your DS a tenner to buy his Dad something. He will feel crap if he can’t.

How old are your dc? Ask your ds if your ex ever buys gifts for you...

I’d suggest presents he could make/bake instead of buy.

A tenner is too much, he can get a shaving balm or something equally shit from Poundland, or a bar of chocolate.

I’d want to explore with him why his dad has told him he expects lots of gifts, and how that simply isn’t on.

Your poor children

My Ex can be a bit tight but I give DD (14) a budget of around £10-£15 a time for his birthday, Christmas and Father's Day presents because it's important to her.

He generally does likewise (if she wants anything she just asks him in front of his
partner and it usually happens 😉😂)

How old is ds? I’d definitely go down the making him a present route. Get supplies from pound shop.

And also as pp have said discuss with him why his father thinks he can ask for lots of presents and point out he doesn’t get you any, and how rude it is to ask for presents never mind lots of presents!

Ds can make him lots of cupcakes and handmake a card.

expects lots of gifts wtf ? yeah, right jog on. a fiver tops to your ds can buy something for his dad, it'll make ds happy at least.

My kids get a fiver each to get something for their dad. Job done. He’s an abusive cunt and neither child seems that bothered about spending more on him than that anyway.

Ex gets me sod all from the children. But that’s no different to when we were together.

Give him £2 and take him to your local poundshop. It doesn’t have to be expensive

How old is Ds?
Draw a picture? Bake a cake , if your Ds is desperate photo off phone printed off and frame.

Last time my Ds saw his dad I got him a 39 p book from home bargains. He was preschool though . My ex was annoyed but only payed £5 a week to support his child

help your son to make a cake (add suitable ingredients :) )

Thanks

Sorry I missed out ages. Dd is 12 and ds is 14. Ds doesn’t actually want to get him anything, he just doesn’t want the “Agro” he will get from ex if he doesn’t buy him stuff.
Ex is very materialistic and selfish he once told dd he had no money to buy her bday presents didn’t even get her a cake, and the following week bought an £8000 car and a curved screen tv!

I have spoken to ds about the fact that ex doesn’t buy presents for me and he understands that. He does Make great choc brownies though so that could be an option. We have done cakes before on birthday/Father’s Day

No, I wouldn't (but I would ask the wife). It's crap that your DS might feel bad but I think there's an important lesson here in showing him that men can't treat women like shit them expect them to still be running around to please them at the detriment of themselves.

I feel like women are too often guilt tripped into giving in (unlike men who rarely give a toss that their ex gets a Mother's Day present) - it's not a good example to set to anybody!

Ex gets you nothing and pays for nothing extra. He can fuck off. At 14, your ds is old enough to understand this and the reasons behind it. Don't spend a penny on him.

I wouldn’t. It’s only fair if you both do the same and he’s clearly a dick. His dad’s DP can arrange it with him. My DH and his ex don’t do gifts for each other from the DC. I do things with them for him and her parents do things with them for her.

Can you contact ex direct? "Ds has no money to buy you presents. That's not what maintenance is for."

I like it & waffly😃

Is be tempted to put something in the brownies.