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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry about my two year old

20 replies

user1486472583 · 13/12/2018 20:56

My little boy is 2 and a half. He's my third son and I love him to bits.

He seems to have had just about everything to struggle with. He was born with a tongue tie and had bad colic. He went on to get repeated and scary bouts of croup that meant we had to dash off during the night to the hospital for steroids, poor little soul. He is way, way behind with his speaking (probably measures against a 12-18 month old) but he is very sociable, loving and good fun.
So where's the problem?! My LO has huge tantrums. Several times a week, out of the blue. Mostly at home. He shrieks, cries, rushes around, hits us. The screaming fit can go on for half an hour. That might not be long, I don't know but it seems it! I try and place him where he won't hurt himself but then I try to keep a bit of a distance to 'let it burn itself out'. Is that the best way? I have no experience of tantrums as my other two didn't do it. Because he doesn't have the vocabulary I cannot communicate with him. I hate it because he is stressed and so upset. What do you all do?
He has also become more and more picky about food. I know that is common as my middle son did it too. He started off with a big and varied list of food (homemade stews etc) and now we are down to a strange mix. His breakfast is good (porridge and brown toast) but then lunch is soft cheese on toast (every bloody day!) and for dinner he has chicken nuggets (every day!). He likes yogurt and he only drinks water but he won't touch fruit or veg any more. If I try other things, he has a big reaction and we just end up at the tantrum thing again. I can't ;eave it like this but I can't shove food into him.

Has anyone else struggled with a "terrible two" year old (he is really lovely!) and succeeded? How did you do it???? You'd think as he's my third that I would know the answers but I am at my wits end. All suggestions gratefully received.

OP posts:
Bythebeach · 13/12/2018 21:06

He sounds similar to my third son. I don’t have the answers - he is still far trickier than the other two ever were. I guess do focus on helping him with speech as much as possible so he can try to express his frustrations (all the usual - switch off background noise, speak clearly, offer him choices to respond to, lots of nursery rhymes and reading to him and check his hearing if in any doubt). I have noticed that third son has a much greater sensitivity to hunger and tiredness whereas the others were more resilient/didn’t tantrum because of it so there was some improvement in the toddler years if I really focussed on food and sleep needs. Good luck!

Mummyshark2018 · 13/12/2018 21:08

Sounds like he is very frustrated. Have you requested a speech and language assessment ? Does he go to nursery? Just wondering if anyone else can offer you support and strategies about how best to manage him.

heather1 · 13/12/2018 21:11

Sign language helped with my non verbal 2.5 year old. We made our own up. It helped with the frustration. If your concerned about his speech and language then ask for an assessment by a Speech and language therapist. They might also have some good suggestions for you. Also get his hearing tested and ask for a test for glue ear - if he has this and is deaf it will affect his speech and understanding

nannykatherine · 13/12/2018 21:16

first of s get him referred forvsoeech and language therapy
second take s look at Janet lansbury blog
great tips here
also the book
no bad kids
i find when children are tantrumming
validating their feelings helpsso if they start to kick off about , for example ,
you offering carrots for lunch .
just say
“you dont want to eat carrots today “
ir
“
you dont want to wear your hat today “

you will find the tantrum doesn’t last as long
or even , gasp ,
stops altogether so you can talk it through .

user1486472583 · 13/12/2018 21:17

Thank you very much! We did get an assessment for speech therapy after six months of waiting but she seemed to think he was a mild case. Her advice was just to keep talking to him... Der, like we don't? I will get his hearing checked though. That's a good idea! I will go and look what glue ear is too.

I wish he would EAT something more nutritious than some of the stuff he's on. How do you persuade a 2 year old to eat fruit? He was happily eating bananas and apples but now he's given them up!

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 13/12/2018 21:20

Tantrums are, amongst many other things, a way of a toddler venting frustrating at feelings they don't understand and can't properly articulate. If his speech is delayed then this will of course compound the"terrible 2s". Some children are just very passionate and go on to present as completely neurotypical older children. And some children do have extra needs. What does your HV say?
I will post a link in a sec to a book that has been my toddlering bible.

CardinalCat · 13/12/2018 21:21

howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/

user1486472583 · 13/12/2018 21:28

HV thought he was a normal, lively little boy. She commented about his speech but there has not been much actual help on that from the professionals yet. He knows more than he can articulate, certainly. He counts to ten and we know what he is saying but it comes out as wah, zu, free, four, hi, hix, leggen etc. Yes, I think he must be frustrated. I will ready the link, CardinalCat. Thanks very much!

OP posts:
user1486472583 · 13/12/2018 21:54

Any suggestions on how to get him to eat some fruit?

OP posts:
Thehop · 13/12/2018 21:58

Fruit.... make smoothies and pour into ice lolly mounds?

Thehop · 13/12/2018 21:59

Buy a blender and hide veg in gravy and pasta sauce

ladycarlotta · 13/12/2018 22:03

could he have any issues with his hearing? A family member of mine had very indistinct speech as a toddler, similar to what you're describing, and it turned out he had some deafness. Just spitballing.

OhWifey · 13/12/2018 22:05

Because he doesn't have the vocabulary I cannot communicate with him.

Because he doesn't have he vocabulary he cannot communicate with you, either.

ALL behaviour is communication. Because he can't say how he feels it is coming out in how he acts. So perhaps think about what he would say if he could; what has preceded etc. All behaviour is communication is my parenting mantra!

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 13/12/2018 22:05

He sounds like my dd who had significant glue ear and has had a lot of issues with her hearing. She has also got sensory processing difficulties which looking back explained a lot of the difficult behaviours when she was a baby/toddler/young child.

Helix1244 · 13/12/2018 22:12

Colic and croup could be reflux and food allergies. As you can get allergic croup.
Also dd gets a cough with food allergy/ear infection. His adenoids could be enlarged.

pallasathena · 13/12/2018 22:15

Distraction works with my DGD. Sing a nursery rhyme, swat a pretend fly, wear a colander on your head and pretend you're the queen...all of these have had DGD laughing. Tantrum over.
Make a fruit salad and top it with ice cream or yoghurt. Blend a bag of veggies and add them to mashed potatoes. Make a cassoulet from scratch in the slow cooker and use tins of different types of beans . Very healthy.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 22:21

For the speech I would recommend reading "it takes two to talk" and doing sign language. Are you worried about his development in general (ASD? Sensory issues?) Or do you think the frustration stems from communication issues?

When my eldest was younger he'd have meltdowns - usually there was a cause. Either tiredness, hunger, over stimulation, anxiety about a change. Once he was in a meltdown there was nothing we could do but stay with him. Prevention was best but not always possible and he's largely grown out of it (although still struggles more emotionally than his younger sister).

CardinalCat · 13/12/2018 22:31

Don't fixate on the fruit- a lot of it is sugar laden anyway (although we gave blueberry "sweeties" for a while as rewards and that worked). Veg is quite easy to include by stealth (carrots tomatoes celery peppers all chopped finely or blended into a pasta sauce e.g.). You can also make it fun (dc asks for his favourite "baby trees" now which is broccoli.) It may be worth asking for an ENT referral if you are really concerned but a lot of 2.5 yos can't count to ten as clearly as yours can and there are some consonants that children find harder to grasp than others.

cestlavielife · 13/12/2018 22:44

Does he have constipation ? (And pooing a lot can still mean constipation)
Coeliac or other gastro issue?
Hearing or ear issues?
Self restricting food can sometimes be indicator of a gastric issue or reflux
Of course if his speech is delayed he lacks communication try signing and photos to help him say what he wants or what hurts

cestlavielife · 13/12/2018 22:47

Referral to slt
Needs assessment
Use photo books you make of foods tpys places people he can point to and try iPad apps for communication

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