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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want someone to tell me everything will be okay

17 replies

Induatry · 13/12/2018 19:02

Tomorrow my husband is losing his job.

The past 2 years have been horrendous. He had an accident at work that has left him unable to do his job any longer, a manual job that he has done for approx 20 years. He has no experience in anything else. His work have been worse than awful. They have tried to manage him out over the past year as well as put him through a few (unfounded) disciplinary hearings. I would be here all day if I wrote down everything they have put him, and subsequently us, through.

It has now come to the stage where they have offered him (a paltry amount of) money to leave via voluntary redundancy. It didn't take much for us to accept, his mental health is in tatters. As is mine. I have had 3 long periods off work for stress and anxiety over the past 2 years and am on thin ice over my attendance.

The terms of the redundancy have been going backwards and forwards between his work and our solicitor and today he phoned me to say it had been finalised and that tomorrow is his last day.

I thought I would feel relief but I'm worried about how we will manage financially. My anxiety magnifies everything. My husband can't go back to the same type of job he did before. He really needs to retrain in something else.

I have no one to talk to. My husband has been drinking far too much over the past few months and cannot seem to stop himself from drinking in the evenings. I have been tentatively broaching the subject with him and at the weekend we had an argument about it and he told me he knew he was drinking too much and would try and reign it in. He has drank every night since then. I've had to hide the alcohol I've bought for Christmas as I had to buy it again as he drank it all.

He's on various medication as a result of the accident. He's not the same person. Everything is so difficult just now. We have had an awful couple of years and now he's going to be unemployed. I work part time and my wages don't cover anywhere near our bills. We have 3 children 7, 5 and 2 years old.

I try to put a brave face on everything but I feel at the end of my rope. My husband was so relieved on the phone to me but I couldn't muster up any excitement. It's good for us and the children for him to be off work as he works a ridiculous amount of hours per a week, this is shift work where he would work into the early mornings and also more weekends than not. He was only getting boxing day off this year and the 3rd Jan so having him with us for Christmas is going to be great for the kids as he's always worked over the Christmas period.

He is getting enough money to cover us for the next few weeks which is something and then I guess we'll need to apply for benefits.

I just feel so hopeless about it all. I have been here for several years but have name changed for this.

OP posts:
Dontknowwhatimdoing · 13/12/2018 19:06

That sounds really tough. I do hope things improve for you soon. Hopefully this will be a fresh start for your DH, and he will be able to move on.

Missingstreetlife · 13/12/2018 19:19

Sometimes waiting for the axe to fall is worse than when it has happened.
Opportunity now to get organised,,look at Martin Lewis money saving site. Make lists, be nice to yourselves and gradually move forward.
Get everything that costs interest to freeze it, mortgage on interest only for a while. Look at agency work. Good luck, this too will pass

moita · 13/12/2018 19:21

That sounds so hard. If he's off work would you be able to go full-time?

I'd start the ball rolling re:benefits.

Have you got emotional support from friends and family?

HollowTalk · 13/12/2018 19:23

I agree that if you could go full time for a while that would be a huge help.

Have you looked at the Entitled To website? There's a calculator there that could help.

Are you renting?

Induatry · 13/12/2018 19:50

I can't go full time in my current role but I could look for something else. My job isn't great. I was toying of going to uni before our youngest started school but I guess that will have to go on hold.

Yes we are renting.

OP posts:
Induatry · 13/12/2018 19:52

No real emotional support. Although I don't like to go on to people. I prefer to keep things to myself.

I spoke to a benefits advice service the other week so will be getting back in touch with them next week.

OP posts:
skybluee · 13/12/2018 20:16

You can sometimes get sales jobs with no experience if you think he would be OK at that. I got mine with no interview, I just applied and they contacted me and said I got it.

It is 100% at a desk so he would have to be able to sit for extended periods. I don't know if his accident would preclude that. I have chronic pain and it sometimes can be very difficult. I had a serious accident too requiring surgery.

I'm really sorry things have been so difficult. I understand what being under severe stress is like and the worry of losing a home.

Good luck.

HSarah · 13/12/2018 20:25

That sounds really tough OP. You sound like you hate the uncertainty which is totally understandable and I empathise with that.

I think at the moment you may be panicking about the change in your circumstances. I promise you you will calm down and feel a bit better in a few days. Try to focus on the fact that you are ok for the next few weeks and you have already very sensibly been in touch with a benefits advisor. Their advice will be invaluable and hopefully you can work with them to get a slightly longer term plan in place whilst your DH looks for other work.

In the long term this change could be a positive thing for your family. Your DH's mental health will improve and therefore so will yours, and he will be out of this toxic work environment.

Good luck.

SuperSuperSuper · 13/12/2018 20:36

I'd apply for benefits online this weekend OP. They can take a little while to get sorted, and there are three bank holidays imminent. Don't wait until the payout has depleted to get the ball rolling.

CitrusFruit9 · 13/12/2018 20:45

Was the accident at work 100% his fault? If not he may have a legal case against his employer for compensation for the injuririgs he suffered and the fact he is unable to carry on his work, plus possibly compensation for unfair dismissal. They would be insured. Worth discussing with a solicitor I think but do so fairly quickly as there are quite tight time limits for a dismissal case.

Induatry · 13/12/2018 20:59

Thank you for the supportive messages. They are helping.

The uncertainty is the worst, that's when my anxiety goes through the roof and I am sure the worst case scenario is going to happen.

He has been speaking to a solicitor lately about his accident so will see if anything happens with that.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom1976 · 13/12/2018 21:06

There are some online calculators for benefits if you search, might help a little.

campista · 13/12/2018 22:39

Has he made a claim for Industrial injuries?
Worth looking into if he can no longer do his job as a result of an accident at work

olivertwistwantsmore · 13/12/2018 22:41

Was his accident at work work’s fault?if so, there should be compensation for him. Sounds like this employer has been shit - crappy reward for 29 years work.

Hazardswan · 13/12/2018 22:46

Apply for benefits now. You can have savings up to a a certain amount.

Take a look at turn2us website has a benefits calculator and Grant search which is surprisingly helpful.

Good luck

Outnotdown · 13/12/2018 22:48

How stressful op. Now that he knows he is finished, it might be a good idea to raise his drinking again, gently, and see if he is amenable to making a plan around it. That is the piece that would worry me most.

If he is able to stop that snowballing into a bigger problem, everything else will be manageable with enough time.
Flowers

APlanerideawayyy1 · 13/12/2018 23:22

Apply for benefits immediately, because I don't think they are back dated. If he was made redundant, he should receive contributions based benefits for a certain time. Suggest you both update your CVs and profiles on Linked In and register with agencies too. Good luck

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