To change my son's school when he doesn't want to?

[ohchristmastreeoh]

My son started school in September, he didn't get my first choice school which is attached to the nursery he went to. He is kind of settled at the new school but he is still crying about wanting to go back to nursery and having a lot of other issues. I've had a lot of problems with the school so far and although it's a lovely school, I don't think it's right for him and I know he'd be much more supported at the school his nursery is attached to.

We are looking to move house nearer to the school and he's on the waiting list but when I've mentioned it he's adamant he doesn't want to go back there unless it's to nursery. I know this is hypothetical but WIBU to move him anyway if a place came up?

I really wouldn’t be discussing hypothetical scenarios with such a young child. He won’t be able to process it all. Just see what happens and let he know when everything is planned. I would also suggest a trip to his new school, if he gets a place, before he joins.

You WNBU.

You are the parent and also an adult.
He is 4 or 5.
You can see the bigger picture.
He can't imagine 'different' to now.

@TheFaerieQueene I worded it wrong, he asks me all the time if he can go back to the nursery and I've said what about the reception class with xyz and he's said no!

@TeenTimesTwo I've always said I'd be like that, but now almost faced with it I worry I'd be making a terrible mistake in forcing him when he doesn't want to! Then if he had problems there I'd constantly worry it was my fault. Overthinking much......

It depends on what the other issues are, but if you aren't happy with the school and have had a lot of problems already I would move him.

We had lots of problems with DDs old school, what I should have done was move her in year 1 when it became clear it was a bloody awful school not the right place for her, what I actually did was listen to her being adamant she didn't want to move for 4 years, until things got really, really bad and I moved her, new school is amazing and so much better for her.

@Menolly do you mind me asking what the issues were with your daughters school? Was she still reluctant to move?

I assume he’ll still know a lot of children from the old school? In which case yes I’d move him. I spend 2 hours a day doing school drop off/pick up for my 5yo since we moved, I only do it because he is happy and settled with friends he’s known 3 years, otherwise I’d definitely move him!

It started off that DD wasn't really fitting in with the other children, there were times she'd come home and tell me x was mean to her but the teacher wouldn't listen, or she couldn't find an adult to tell, she'd got told off for getting her work wrong, she had a lot of scrapes and bumps (I'm a TA, i know scrapes and bumps happen but I mean like daily and the explanations were always a bit vague, if school even bothered to tell me) and I didn't like the way injuries weren't always checked and I wasn't notified about things, especially a head injury, school were a bit dismissive at parents evenings when I said I was worried about her work and her behaviour. School told me repeatedly there was no bullying at their school while completely refusing to deal with it. Final straw was a serious injury that wasn't handled properly.

Since taking her out its come out that the constant little injuries were caused by other children, the bullying had progressed to the point she had considered suicide (and had been told she should kill herself multiple times by the bullies) and academically she is quite far behind.

She was adamant right up until the day before she left that she didn't want to leave. End of her first day at the new school she hugged me and said 'it was the best day ever.' she changed schools in September, shes gone in happy and come out smiling everyday since.

@Menolly I am so so sorry that your daughter went through this.. that sounds absolutely horrific for you both, I'm so pleased your daughter is now happy ❤️