AIBU to tell her she has lousy friends because they’ve secretly snogged her DH

[Livelaughlovetoday]

Family member has a group of friends that know how to party. They all have no kids except my family member. They expose their children to all the mess and it’s no secret they all have addictions to alcohol and other things as well.

She has isolated herself from any positive influence in her life.

I’m angry because she has avoided me because she owes me a lot of money.

I’ve found out that my family members husband has snogged both the wives of their group. 3 couples in total. She knows about the 1 but the other 1 she knows nothing about.

Her husband has been unfaithful many times and I feel like her self esteem is non existent to think she has to surround herself with people like this.

Question is though, do I have this difficult conversation with her? I know things will blow up but question is will she choose to just settle with the truth rather than change her circumstances. (Not for me to answer) but I just see this messy spiral.

I’m also so frustrated about the money that’s been owed to me for 2.5 years. She manages to live an expensive life owing me money. Don’t want to confuse these issues though. I just don’t know how she justifies this all in her mind.

Maybe she's snogged their husbands

Normally I feel it's right to tell people when their partner has cheated. But in this instance it feels irrelevant. If you want to help or support this family member this isn't the way to do it. They'll continue to rely on these people and this lifestyle while they feel they have no other options.

If you don't want to help or support them then you should probably keep your nose out of the dramas.

What would you hope to achieve by telling her? It sounds like her life is difficult with a husband who she knows has cheated on her and friends with alcohol problems . Will telling her give her the impetus to leave him for good, or will it just harm her self esteem further?

Nah you are just pissed she owes you money. You wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons. So yes, YWBU

I'd ignore the husband bit that isn't on you to tell her. But do chase her for the money the resentment will just keep building the longer you wait

Do not create a shit storm. You sound judgemental about her friends.

Just ask her for the money and stay out of her personal life.

I don’t think I’m judgemental. I’ve just seen what’s transpired over the last decade and it hasn’t been good or positive.

I am not going to say anything to her about her DH but will speak with her about my money.

Thx mn.