To ask my father to take a DNA test?

[TurkeyLurker]

In brief he left when I was 6. I found him over 30 years later and we met once. There was nothing there in terms of a connection. He had an adult stepchild who he said he had to put first. He had no bio children with his 2nd wife although he was only late 20's when he remarried.

I am one of two children attributed to him. He was very interested in my older sibling who didn't want contact but not overly interested in me.

There are no similar characteristics between me, him or my sibling apart from the one's we have from our mother.

There is a lot of secrecy around the breakdown of their marriage and I have always felt like an outsider. My mother started out all her marriages (3) already pregnant and its not within the realms of impossibility that she had lovers as her husbands were all in the Forces, so were away a lot and we lived on Forces bases.

It sounds crazy but it's just a sense I have. Happy to be proven wrong but that would take a paternity test.

Would probably never find out who my true father is if it's not him but I'd have a sense of peace just knowing that I wasn't the spawn of a dead beat narcissistic loser like him.

Id pay for the test of course.

Is there a chance that he knows that he isn't your father but he's respecting your mums wish not to tell you?
Would certainly explain why he isn't particularly interested in contact with you but does want to know about your sibling.

I wasn't in your situation but my father didn't know who his father was (it was narrowed down to two possibilities). I sent a DNA sample into Ancestry DNA which analyses and also if you want adds you to their database. From there you can see your DNA matches and also family trees other people have compiled. From that I managed to establish who my father's father was. Of course it only works with the information available i.e. relatives (could be quite distant) would have to have also joined Ancestry DNA.

If you and your sibling both sent in samples, you could work it out through seeing if your matches are 100% common or not.

Would it be easier to go through your sibling to accomplish this? You both get tested to see if you have the same lineage.

NC with sibling who lives on the other side of the world. No contact details either.

Same for mother.

Basically when this man dies, I'll never know.

I don't think he'd respect my mother's wishes either. Their divorce was very acrimonious hence the NC as it was just too 'hard' for him. Too hard to pay any maintenance too .

All you can do is ask him but I certainly wouldn't get your hopes up.

If he doesn’t agree, you can most certainly do your own DNA probably best through Ancestry as they have the biggest database. Build up a family tree for his side and your mother’s side (as far and wide as you can) and see who comes up in your DNA matches. There’s a group called DNA Dectectives on Facebook and they are very helpful.