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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu was reduce the cost of my dbro wedding present due to extra costs

11 replies

Jinglealltheway2018 · 13/12/2018 13:50

I wanted for some advice my dbro has only just booked his wedding for 10weeks time, it’s been abit of a whirlwind romance and come the wedding they will have been together 7months. We are a family of five and the place they have booked in a nice posh place, however it’s in the middle of nowhere, we are going to struggle to get the extra money together so quickly after Christmas, I’m self employed and work the weekends so will be utilmately down on wages not to meantion the costs for a hotel for a family size room outsides and costs to get there. Would I be unreasonable to reduce the amount I give as a present?

OP posts:
MaMaMaMySharona · 13/12/2018 13:52

Absolutely not! I'd mention this to him in advance and say you're very happy for them and can't wait for the wedding, but due to the time of year and costs involved with attending, you won't be able to contribute much as a gift. I can't imagine this would be a huge issue for him, I'm not expecting anything from my DB for my wedding!

Original poster
Jinglealltheway2018 · 13/12/2018 13:53

I wanted for some advice my dbro has only just booked his wedding for 10weeks time, it’s been abit of a whirlwind romance and come the wedding they will have been together 7months.

We are a family of five and the place they have booked in a nice posh place, however it’s in the middle of nowhere, we are going to struggle to get the extra money together so quickly after Christmas. I’m self employed and work the weekends so will be utilmately down on wages for that weekend not to meantion the costs for a hotel for a family size room and the cost to get there. Would I be unreasonable to reduce the amount I give as a present?

OP posts:
Ethel80 · 13/12/2018 13:57

I think that's fine.

We didn't spend much on my friend's wedding gift as had to pay out for ferry, hotels etc She did spend a lot of time talking about all her loaded mates giving them cheques and how generous they were but I ignored it as she's really materialistic and her loaded mates were 1. Absolute dicks and 2. Didn't have to pay to be there.

Original poster
Jinglealltheway2018 · 13/12/2018 13:59

It’s a lot of pressure in such a small amount of time especially after Christmas. I attended other dbro wedding but we were given plenty of notice atleast 9months prior to save when we booked a room, however we had to travel as they lived away. In this case with this dbro it’s short notice and guests need to stay as it’s out in the sticks. We were offered alternative accommodation which when I enquired costed more. When he attended my wedding the only expense was money for drinks even though wine was provided.

OP posts:
CrabbityRabbit · 13/12/2018 14:00

Fine.

Is he the type to get annoyed?

Original poster
Jinglealltheway2018 · 13/12/2018 14:05

I think he thinks well I gave the other dbro more and paid accommodation but they were local to us so the wedding would have always required accommodation. However it’s been a personal choice despite being local to choose the location he has and with limited notice. Tbh I am skeptical he’s been engaged three times, this wedding is happening because her parents are funding it so they aren’t paying out for anything like the rest of the guests have to.

OP posts:
MaMaMaMySharona · 13/12/2018 14:42

If I'm honest, if he gets annoyed at you for not giving him money, he's not getting married for the right reasons...

NonaGrey · 13/12/2018 14:49

I travelled to another continent for a family member’s wedding recently.

Between flights, meals, accommodation (in an incredibly expensive city) and taxi costs (venue was in the middle of nowhere) etc it cost me thousands of pounds.

I was happy to attend and happy to make the journey but yes, they received a considerably smaller gift than they would have if the wedding had been in the U.K.

The bride and groom very sensibly sent a lovely thank you card for the gift and expressed their appreciation that I’d travelled.

Alfie190 · 13/12/2018 15:06

We got married overseas, we only invited immediate family. But we know people incurred expenses in travelling. We didn't get any presents and we really did not care or expect or need anything. I am sure it is fine.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 13/12/2018 15:09

Just give what you can comfortably afford- those are the breaks when you decide to plan a wedding for less than 2 pay days after Christmas and at very short notice.

I think wedding etiquette states that the guests have up to something like a year to give a present to the couple, so even if you want to bump it up with an additional gift on their first anniversary or something, that would still be fine.

anniehm · 13/12/2018 16:05

Be honest and say you have managed to find a room but it's a financial squeeze so you can't afford a gift at this time - you could of course give a gift at a later date if you wish

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